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How to deal with waiting

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by anthracite, Mar 25, 2017.

  1. anthracite

    anthracite Guest

    It's horrible. They said what people say on the internet is not reliable. But no one tells me anything. I keep asking and asking and no one knows about how long it's gonna take. I expressed my hopes for a long time. Suddenly the therapist said it wouldn't work that way. No explanation, nothing. Endo said something entirely different. Somehow I get the feeling that no one knows and does as they please. :help:

    All hope's gone. If they told me, yeah in a year you'll have your T and your name I could cope. Like that? Not at all.

    As days pass, I feel more and more like a thing rather than a human. My birthname is like being adressed with a number.

    I get recurring thoughts of just doing everything illegally. I'm so dissapointed in people who call themselves persons of autority. If I don't do it, will they even help me? See, everytime I depended on someone, they would dissappoint me. I give it 6 months. If it continues that way, I think I'll do it my way.
     
  2. Kodo

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Be patient. Self medicating with hormones illegally is a really, really bad idea. Why? The dealers are not moderated or held to any sort of accountability. They can sell you vegetable oil and call it testosterone, or worse, you could get an unstable strand of it or chemical in its place. It is not worth potentially jeopardizing your health to cut a few months of waiting.

    You have made the first step by talking to your doctor. If they aren't being helpful, switch doctors. I know that it is hard to wait but you need to, just a little longer. When you get on T, the right way, it will all be worth it.

    Some guys wait years, some wait months. It all depends on where you live and how healthcare works there. I know there are other transguys here who are from Germany, and perhaps you could reach out to them specifically for more information. Hang in there, brother.
     
  3. Daydreamer1

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It's easier said than done, but distractions can help. I focused a lot of my energy into video games, music, and writing to help me cope with how painfully frustrating it was to cope with how long it was taking to get shit done.

    Writing about how much I hated the system or my family, or destroying the boroughs of Grand Theft Auto III got me to focus on something other than my dysphoria or anxieties than spending the afternoon telling myself that if I didn't get something done by the time I was 21, that I was "really going to do it this time".

    Waiting is the shittiest part about the journey, and I wish I could take it away for you.
     
    #3 Daydreamer1, Mar 25, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2017
  4. anthracite

    anthracite Guest

    Yeah, thought about switching doctors. I heard that there is a law which requires the therapist to know you for at least a year. This is what annoys me. You get a shitty one once, you're stuck for another year. I've had my year. Everything's on standby.

    Also, there is a rather fascinating effect going on with me. I pass, but look like 15. So therefore I get treated like 15. The longer it lasts, the more immature and irresponsible I become. Overspending and stuff. My thoughts keep wandering to places I don't want to have them. Escalate in partying. Like my youth was repeating and god, did I ruin myself with it. I thought never again.