Hi all, I think I just realised what gender i'm most comfortable with. Previously i'v struggled with whether i'm trans or not. I'm female at birth. My masculine side is only noticeable when I hit puberty. Damn. I thought I was growing to be like my dad, the thought of growing to be like my mum never occurred to me at all. I was really upset. I binded my chest, but I didn't lower my voice. I couldn't stand having boobs when i'm outside, but i'm okay with my female voice. I'm okay with my body at home, but when I go outside I feel more comfortable if i'm flat-chested. If not I would slouch. I wear boys clothes since 13. I don't like that my hips are wider it's awkward. So I chose clothes which won't show the shape of my body, I look androgynous I guess. Ppl have mistaken me a boy, but rarely because of my feminine face. I don't feel comfortable being addressed as a "lady", but I don't feel enough to be a "man". I feel like a boy who just wants to relive his/her teenage life as a boy (it was awkward throughout puberty, having trouble with clothes, haircut and binding). Throughout those years i feel like a boy and want to be a normal boy who fits in his clothes etc. I'Perhaps due to my small size (height 150cm), ppl treat me as a young kid, so i'm not very "dominant". I'm soft-spoken as well. I walk like a guy tho. I'm 20 now. After settling with not being a trans, I labelled myself genderless, but it's hard explaining that to people. Everyone sees me as a girl (maybe due to me being soft-spoken and all), but I know i'm not the "girl" they see me as. I wish i'm a boy but i don't want penis either. This sounds like just a rant. Anyone feeling the same ?
I can't remember as far back to puberty if I had feelings of being a boy inside. I know I've never related to a lot of female things, but I now definitely relate to a lot of what you describe. I have started binding my chest and can remember pretty much always not liking having a chest and being glad that it was at least small, where as most girls wanted theirs bigger. I don't think people see me as a male, although I just got my hair cut super short and definitely think i look more male now. I don't really identify with being male, aside from liking to wear "male" clothes. I've also been self-identifying as genderfluid (between female and agender), or sometimes just as non-binary because I really haven't settled on what I am.
I relate to a lot of what you're saying. I'm turning 20 this year and also DFAB. I think I definitely fall underneath the trans umbrella but labelling myself as a transguy doesn't quite fit... so I guess I wanted to say you're not alone. I've looked androgynous for several years now. I have also used demiguy in the past- I definitely like it more than "transguy". I just feel like the trans label is too much since I don't think I want hormones/surgery. Personally I feel extremely conflicted because nothing about my look is very feminine. It's just my name and voice. I feel like I've never been able to fit in anywhere because I'm kind of in the middle of everything... Anyway... It's good you're talking on EC. That's why I'm here too.
I feel a lot of what you're feeling, despite being only 15. I was very feminine as a kid, but after going through part of puberty to the point of getting ~shark week~ every month, I've hated being labeled as a lady. I connect with masculinity some, but I don't feel so enough to call myself a trans guy, and the label "man" seems not quite right to me. It's especially odd to me because I feel comfortable with terms like "guy," "boy," and even "gentleman." I feel uncomfortable in my birth name despite its unisex use. I've been exploring the possibility of being a demiboy myself, so if you feel much like me, the label could fit you. However, your label and identity is up for you to discover. It's a scary thing, but in the end, you know what you're comfortable with. I hope you find it.
