Hi! I realized just a few months ago (in my early 20s) my real sexual orientation, I think I am lesbian. I had feelings for girls, nearly never with guys. I never had a date. While now I know who I am, how can I learn to "express it"? There is a girl that works in a place nearby (I think I may have got a crush for her!) and she is very gentle with me and when I go there she is always smiling and feels like she's happy to see me. Should I tell her? I don't want to risk.. what if she is straight? Can you help with some suggestions??
Maybe just subtly get to know her first. Find out if she has a boyfriend or not, or find ways to talk about your love life with her and see if she turns to only telling you stories about past boyfriends or not. Maybe subtly drop political opinions on LGBT issues and see if she responds positively. If you really wanted you could just start casual conversation with her someday and tell her your orientation, just remember that you still will need to have a professional relationship with this person after that if she responds negatively or indifferently. There's just the worry that if you were to ask her out and she was straight she might feel overwhelmed or almost threatened by you asking her and could feel like she couldn't trust being around you again if she was afraid that you "liked" her, let alone what could happen if she just thought poorly of of LGBT people.
Thank you for your answer! She isn't a colleague, she works in a place as a receptionist/secretary and since it's a place that I go more or less regularly many times she's there. Obviously I don't want to overwhelm her, but I am having difficulties imagining how to do?? There are other persons in queue at reception usually...
Do you think she is more happy to see you than the other customers? I assume you dont have much time to talk to her when you go in?
A few days ago I went there because I had to retire some papers. I got wrong and went there about 1 hour before the time it was ok to start to retire them (in the afternoon) and I completely forgot to take my ID. So when I came there and asked about the papers she told me that she needed the ID and I was outside hours. I said "I come back later, no problem". This is when she said with a smile: "No problem, how can I tell you no with the smile you have!". I kept thinking of that while returning home. (!) The day after I had to go again for another document, there was some queue this time. She said while processing my request: "You have birthday the day after mine!" I replied "Yes! So you are a Scorpio too?". She didn't answer but she made a funny happy expression to say yes. "Cool!" I replied. (!) While what happens may still be just because I am regular user there, I noticed that yes, she's gentle with others too, but not as much as with me. :eusa_danc The time I can to talk to her is usually not more than a minute, so really I don't know where to start to avoid a poor figure for myself and bad feelings for her. :icon_sad:
(!) I love the dancing banana It is difficult and there isnt really any sure way to know. The best you can do is just try and get to know her as best you can in the short times you have. I think my best advice would to try and drop some joke type hints as best you can. I know it is difficult but maybe something like saying 'you must be tired of seeing me' or something like that and then see how she responds.
Maybe next time I go I can ask her something like this, too direct?? "I am going for a quick pizza at lunch, do you want to join me?"
See, the tricky part about being gay is that you need to state your intent with people and this holds true especially for lesbians. When boy meets girl and they start hitting it off, then no matter the context, romantic pursuit is in some way implied and it is an expected possible outcome. However, when girl meets girl, there is never any romantic pursuit that is automatically implied; you need to explicitly state in some way that "I am pursuing you." Sometimes this is tricky and of course it makes you nervous, but at least women react much more positively to another girl's approach than most guys do to another guy's approach and no matter their sexual orientation, they are statistically less likely to think you're a creep when approaching them than if you were a man. Women are more trusting of other women.
Thank you all a lot for the very helpful replies!! I have much more clarity now. Anyone knows any good ways to understand if she is actually straight or not??? It would be incredibly useful to know.
