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How to explain your gender to cis people

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by i am just me, Apr 3, 2017.

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  1. i am just me

    i am just me
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Earth
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I am in the process of coming out to my friends. I've come out to a few of them, but I'm having a hard time explaining my gender identity. When I tell them that I am neither exclusively female or male, it's hard for them to wrap their head around it - which is natural I suppose. But when they ask how I know, I can't really explain. I tell them that calling myself a woman feels wrong, that I don't like my chest, that I have never liked to be associated with stereotypically feminine things. I gon an and explain that calling myself a man feels wrong too and that I just can't relate to the concept of being one of these two options. But of course it's difficult to understand for them, as they have never felt that discomfort with their body and how they are perceived themselves.

    How do you explain your gender identity to cis people? How do you explain how you know your nonbinary or transgender? Are there any comparisons to other concepts they might relate to more that you use? By now I've only come out to the people I trust most and who don't mind my messed up explanations. I honestly don't know how I will be able to come out to others, if I can't even put my feelings into words.
     
    #1 i am just me, Apr 3, 2017
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2017
  2. Cailan

    Cailan
    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I went to a lot of different websites and I snagged the best definitions of my gender identity (bi-gender) and took screen shots of them. I'm saving those up for when I come out beyond my immediate family. They're snort snippets of sensible explanations. Also, I'm referring them to the CBS News show that just came out about non-binary transgender. It's actually pretty decent, if you ignore the panel after (they brought on a bunch of idiots to debate the bathroom issue).
     

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    #2 Cailan, Apr 3, 2017
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2017
  3. astriferous

    astriferous
    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Other
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    Out Status:
    Some people
    I honestly have a lot of trouble with this too, especially with my very small experience with coming out to people. It might help to explain gender by saying it's not two points with a middle, but rather a color spectrum like you would see in an art room (like a color wheel or something). I feel like you explained it pretty well as-is (but I may be biased considering, lol :rolle:slight_smile: and that the rest is just cis people being unable to understand due to a lack of experience with the situation. I've found that a lot of cis people won't truly understand and that they can only really support their trans and nonbinary loved ones regardless of understanding. Which is why I'm not personally invested in people completely understanding, and instead more involved with respect.

    Other than that, like Cailan above described, you can amass an amount of resources that explain it pretty well and direct them to those you want to tell. I have a folder of bookmarks so that when I finally come out to my parents, they can do some reading if it helps :icon_bigg
     
    #3 astriferous, Apr 3, 2017
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