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Questioning a lot right now...and I don't like it.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Eldridge, Apr 3, 2017.

  1. Eldridge

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    So I thought I had it all figured out. Great right? I mean having it all figured out? But I don't and now I'm questioning more and more than I ever have and I'm scared at what it might come to. I identify currently as gender fluid. But recently I've been swaying a lot more towards female identifying and pronouns is it possibly that I'm genderfluod with a tendency towards female? Is that a possibility or not? I mean I don't want to go through transitioning. That's not something I'd like to do but is what I'm thinking right? I can had a lean towards a certain gender? That sticks most of the time with little differentiation to other stuff but it's does change?
     
  2. Crisalide

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    Sssh, breathe. :slight_smile:
    You might be all the things you said. They all sound possible. Some day you will find out.
    And... what are you scared by, exactly? If you're scared that, if you pick one label instead of another, you will need to transition, no fear: it doesn't depend on the gender identity. Non binary people transition too, binary trans people can choose not to.
     
  3. Krishebble

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    I am Genderfluid (AMAB) and I spend most of my time on the female end of the spectrum. I do not think I will ever try to transition. I would prefer female pronouns, but I use they just to make it easier.
     
  4. Eldridge

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    Sorry a little bit rambling on but its just a lot of things I'm trying to get through. I'm scared of family reactions if I'm honest my mum and I have a strained relationship as it is she doesn't believe me when I've told her that I'm genderfluid and transitioning is not a thing that scares me. I understands it but for me that wouldn't be an option it's a lot of work for something that I think because I think I'm genderfluid that dressing a certain way would make me happy enough I just need to be able to do it without being affected by the people around me that's the only reason stopping me and I don't need my mums acceptance ive come to the conclusion my mum has a set path for me that I just can't follow because it's not who I am and my mums never gonna really accept me for that. This is just another branch off of that and I'm okay with it but without being able to dress and feel to myself that I pass and can do it on a regular basis without fear of my parents or other family disowning me I don't think I'm ever gonna be comfortable in my body I have people around me that are great and will accept me but there a small group and unless I could get away from here were I am and walk round without fear I'm scared I'll always hate myself in some ways until I do this
     
    #4 Eldridge, Apr 3, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 3, 2017
  5. Cailan

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    You can lean a direction, but that doesn't mean you have to transition. Heck, I strongly lean female (I'm afab) but I'm going to partial transition toward male, because it feels right. Leaning one way or another and what you need to do for your own happiness (ie hormones, lifestyle changes, surgery) all depends on what you feel is best for your happiness and mental health.

    Being genderfluid or non-binary doesn't mean you're evenly balanced. You can be 80 percent one gender and 20 percent another. That's fine. Or 50/50, or 63/37. Whatever.

    There are no rules to this thing. Not everyone who is trans actually transitions.

    There are a hundred reasons to not transition if it's not right for you. Here's a few off the top of my head:
    *genderfluid or bi-gender - you need to be able to go either way, and transitioning prevents you from being all that you need to be. Even if that day when you need to be not female is only occasional.
    *it's not desired - small things are enough to disperse the dysphoria and HRT/social transitioning are too much for your personal comfort.
    *it's not desired - feeling one way inside and presenting another outwardly can be fine if you're fine with it. You're here to make yourself happy, not to kowtow to some kind of trans unwritten rules and regulations.
    *social cost is worse than the dysphoria.
    *You like being one gender more than another, even if both are there within you at one point or another. In my case this means I like my being birth gender more, but the guy in me still calls for attention. Of course, if thi this could be a reason to transition, or partially transition. I learned the hard way a while ago that "transition" doesn't mean to go all the way, full SRS and completely switch physical genders. Transition simply means to change. I'm going partway with HRT, keep my boobs (or a smaller version of them, anyway), and will quit HRT at a point where I can still present as female, but also get the physical male traits I desire.
     
  6. Eldridge

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    I lean towards female a lot more and that's not my birth gender and I think because I can't present that way I feel really wrong having this body but there's so much I'd have to change that I just can't at the moment and that's pulling me apart. Especially in college and the way people act towards my trans friend even though he came to college showing as male they still question it and act weird around it and also I think the fact that I'm not likely to front as female everyday meaning it will change from female to a gender to occasionally male I think would up the attention on me and that's something I don't have the capacity to deal with. I suffer from anxiety, stress and body dysmorphia the anxiety and stress are related to me in general life and gender/sexuality in there own ways and I have low confidence and self esteem about my body, personality and people who I feel uncomfortable around because I can't relate to them. There are few places I'm properly comfortable but this doesn't help.