I need to stop obsessing over this.

Sounds like you just need to keep talking to someone in depth about your feelings and learn about yourself more. I'm still learning after thinking about these things since I was in grade 4 because of my past sexual experiences and how I act in public. But sometimes it just comes down to, what do you want others to think of you as and if you would really be convertible as such. In the end. It's up to you to decide to change and the life style burdens that come with changing.

Being Male is not easy and being Female is not either. They both have their draw backs so it comes down to what your happy with. Sometimes I think why not be both and dress unisexually and see how that goes first and slowly change to who I fit in more with. That is where I am at right now. It's an idea that may help.

 

You're not alone in this situation. I often wish I was born female and that their lives seem so much easier and accepting than mine. the more you think, and the more conclusions you get will ease your current state until you get to your true answer

 

Calm down a little bit. No matter how you feel now, your feelings can change with time and also if you're looking for reasons to invalidate yourself without acknowledging what does bother you, that can only add to the confusion. I had a fine early-puberty when I still identified as a cis-female, it did change later when I was around 18, but I was okay with my chest when I was younger and periods and all that too- it's never too late or too early to learn about yourself or change how you feel. It might be helpful to take a few steps back and only start focusing on what you don't like / do want to change about yourself one step at a time. You don't need to be thinking so hard about labels if it's making you stray away from what you really want / need.

For example, you said you're not sure how you currently feel about pronouns and labels, but you do want to look more androgynous. You don't have to be really girly and feminine to be cisgender, but you also don't have to be masculine to be male either. It seems your binary thinking towards gender and gender roles themselves could be clouding you a bit. I can see how not liking how you look / wanting to change as well could also just make you feel like everything is wrong, and in turn a bit powerless and looking for something to place that feeling upon. For now, I'd start with taking a breath and trying to figure out what changes you need to make to make you feel happier and more like yourself first, regardless of what that might mean later.

Here's how I felt and what I did when I was first starting out: I wanted to dress more androgynously because I loathed other women and femininity (mostly only because I felt I was pushed into it and also like I didn't understand social standards), so I decided I wasn't going to label myself as anything, and just try to make myself feel better and like how I looked more at first. At first I felt I couldn't be androgynous because that meant I had to be a lesbian or like women, and at the time I was only interested in pursuing men. But as I slowly got out of high school, away from peering eyes and persuading roles and toxic friends, and started gaining self confidence with how I looked, I realized why I was trying to look androgynous or what I wanted to achieve, which was separation from the female category-- I didn't hate other women at all, only that I was forced to associate with them, and after I found out that I could be okay with my gender, I actually found that I was indeed attracted to multiple genders other than men, including women, but had just been hating on them because of my own hatred towards myself. When I first came out, I chose the label "demigirl" which means partially a girl. Now, 2 years later, I slowly let myself grow away from womanhood, become more masculine and androgynous and not be scared of gender roles or judgement from others anymore, and I slowly grew to discover I actually feel more partially like a boy, but mostly just neither male nor female. Had you asked me if I wanted to be a boy or liked being called a boy or by male pronouns 3 years ago I would've probably laughed and said heck no. But because I took things slowly and didn't try and force myself into any categories, I slowly grew into a new part of myself that I never even knew or would've expected was in me!

So just take a breather, this may be the case for you, or maybe your worries will dissipate once you're able to dress more how you want and have more control and confidence in yourself and you'll just be a happy cis girl who doesn't feel threatened by gender roles. Or maybe you'll grow into your identity slowly over time as FtM or some other identity. But you can't climb a whole ladder in one bound, you have to take it step at a time.