Feeling Younger

I actually completely understand where you're coming from and also feel this way as well. I attribute it to being simply that feelings that don't get expressed can't grow, and therefore make us feel younger because we're reacting more like a child would due to repressing the feelings for so long. For example, in someone who is abused at a young age or has abandonment issues, they might deal really well with being an independent person at work or being able to take on jobs that involve managing a lot of people or adult issues, but they might suffer in interpersonal relationships like throwing a hissy fit when their date is accidentally late coming home. Why is this? Because they were not taught or shown how to correctly deal with those feelings when they were younger, so they never grew, and only just now are they learning how to deal with them at an older age.

For example again, I spent several years repressing my male side since I wasn't out to myself or anyone. Now I feel there are times when I might react immaturely or insecurely to very menial issues, such as my masculinity being threatened or if I don't have enough self confidence, which is more how a young child would respond to new situations they've never dealt with before. Although I am comfortable putting on a female persona and passing as an adult, I often feel a bit lost when learning how to socially navigate my male side and have a tendency to look up to other men like older brothers in a way. People go through this feeling at any age when learning a new job or task too, but it's understandable why you'd attribute it to feeling younger as well.

 

Agreed. I get it too, and my age when I’m female isn’t consistent either. Mostly I’m a teenager or youth, but I’ve had bursts of younger than that as well. I think for me it’s more of a case of missing milestones. Before I started questioning properly, I always had this feeling of having grown up asymmetrically: that is, I knew how to be a boy but not how to be a girl, and now I’m having to find different ways to make up for that given I’m on the wrong side of puberty.

 

All the time.

Part of it has to do with the fact that I have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone. Another part to do with the lack of ability to connect with people in my age group, so I tend to gravitate over or under the years for common ground. I appreciate the curiosity, compassion, whimsical nature, and authenticity of children. In older people I appreciate the experience and sometimes wisdom (though more often I am finding that adults are more rubbish than children).

This reasons aside,I think a big reason why I feel younger than I am is because, well, I haven't gone through puberty yet. At least not the correct one. So my mind is telling me, on one hand, to grow up and be an adult. But on the other hand I seem to be on "standby" mode, waiting for that magical thing called growing up, but realizing that I won't come of its own accord.

It is a strange feeling, for sure.

 

Yes. Looking like 15, get treated like 15 you're gonna end up behaving like 15.

 

I experience the same thing. Even though I was always perceived as mature for my age, this sort of stopped when I started transitioning. I attribute it to the fact that I've only been on T for 1 1/2 years and "normal" puberty takes way longer to go through.

 

It's interesting, when I was first coming out to myself I often used to try and dismiss my dysphoria as a strange form of social anxiety because I do also experience that as well, but from hearing you say that I realize that is also a big clue to me that I do experience gender the way I do because I've also always felt awkward or out of place around people my own age due to how they see gender and social roles in a way I do not, so it's much easier / better for me I feel to be friends with people who are either younger or older than myself because then you can look past those differences and just focus on what growth they need or what they have wisdom on like you said.

This is also very relatable and sorta what I was trying to say; it's having to simultaneously learn parts of aging or milestones from different times during your current now-adulthood. Also I guess just as an individual I also just generally feel like this somewhat often anyway due to some emotional abuse as a child so I sort of feel like I'm always making up for something hahah.

 

I've never really thought about this but it makes sense. Early on in transition you're still going to be forming an identity as your true gender, similar to a teenager.