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Not sure about my gender identity

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by The1nkling, Apr 6, 2017.

  1. The1nkling

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    So, I recently came out to some friends as non-binary/genderqueer, but I'm wondering... Is that really me? My only proof is that I've never felt strongly male or strongly female. I've felt slightly female just because I'm AFAB but that may just be a result of me living my whole life up to this point being treated like a girl, and never really having other options. Am I greygender? Demigirl? Something else? What do you guys think from what I've given you? If you need more details I'd be glad to provide.
     
  2. Cadi04

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    I would need more details. Hard to put a label on anyone and labels don't mean much. Are you happy with yourself as you are? What makes you not happy? Stuff like that might help out.
     
  3. The1nkling

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    I'm fairly content with who I am. My body bothers me a bit but not much. What makes me happy? Like in general? I'm not sure I understand the question.
     
  4. EverDeer

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    I think they also just meant what makes you happy in terms of how you like to be treated. Do you dislike people treating you as a girl/woman in formal terms? As in, do you dislike being called a girl or woman or ma'am or that you're pretty or complimented on your femininity? Do you feel outcasted from other girls? Do you prefer masculinity or femininity in terms of dress, appearance, or do you think you'd like to go by pronouns other than she/her? Or are you just relatively indifferent to all of it, do you feel someone could call you a man, he/him, they/them, she/her, and none of it would make any difference to you? For example, I enjoy looking androgynous and I enjoy aspects of masculinity and femininity, but I almost sort of see all of gender as just masks we put on in order to be read a certain way in society. Although I don't feel like a man or a woman, I prefer being called a boy because I relate more with masculine gender roles and I feel the term fits more in relation to myself- to me they're all just words and i just prefer the sounds and feel of a masculine name and pronouns because I prefer how it gets me treated, and it matches who I am and how I express myself a bit more than the only other option available (female). I suppose in an ideal world we would just refer to everyone identically and treat them all the same regardless, but you have to determine If you feel attached to any certain gender roles or not, and if they affect your inner identity or not, or if being referred to another way might feel "more like yourself" than how you're already being treated or seen or how you see yourself.
     
    #4 EverDeer, Apr 6, 2017
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2017
  5. Cadi04

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    Don't think I could say much better. It all takes time to think about these things. Give it time to sink in. But don't over think it all. Can get stressful.
     
  6. The1nkling

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    It's never really bothered me to be referred to as female, but that might be because I've been called a girl my whole life. I don't care what pronouns people use for me. I'd like to try binding to try to appear more androgynous. I hate dresses, skirts, high heels, and anything feminine in terms of dress. When I was little I'd wear these things but ir's not like I had much choice. My name is unisex so it doesn't bother me.
     
  7. EverDeer

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    Not everyone who is trans has dysphoria or dislikes their bodies. A good starting point for you would probably be to try and look more androgynous and learn to express the real you that makes you happy, then I suppose you'd be able to decide for yourself if that means you are just an androgynous female or some other gender identity. Also maybe to decipher how much it means to you, think about how often you feel or think about your gender or when it changes on a time basis. Do certain situations make you think about your gender? How often, daily, weekly? How much time does it consume or does it distract you from other tasks? Or do you feel like you almost never think about it which feels contrary to how often even cis people think about their gender?
     
    #7 EverDeer, Apr 7, 2017
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2017
  8. The1nkling

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    thanks a lot for the advice! I see you around here quite a bit
     
  9. EverDeer

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    You're welcome! Yes I frequent this forum pretty regularly so if you ever needed some follow up advice or just wanted to know my experiences, feel free to send me a message when you're a full member, or otherwise you could just leave notes on my wall if you'd like ^.^