I identify as a mostly gay male, and a sadist and a masochist. I don't enjoy feeling emotional pain, or else I probably wouldn't be writing this. I've accepted who I am, but I feel incredibly lonely. People have called me a sociopath and said they wanted to kill me. I have no friends and I stopped trying to connect with people on the internet. What hurts most is being ignored, it makes me feel absolutely worthless and it's a bit of a phobia that I have. I'm almost ready to just shut myself off altogether to the rest of the world, nobody cares, nobody understands, nothing changes... So I came here as, I guess, a final attempt to try to find like minded or open minded people. I still live with my parents.
Personally I am also apart of a special subsect of a kink community, so I have experience and understanding of those who enjoy dominant and submissive lifestyles and how their physical needs differ from their emotional mindsets / morals as people. I have known many people who are kind, direct, and extremely self aware and positive communicators who enjoy the types of things that you do, and often those communities are very accepting of gay/queer people due to their open mindedness about many forms of sexuality. Personally, as for the comments about your mental health, I do not know you personally so I am not able to make comment or judgement on your perceived moral standing or potential antisocial behavior, however I don't think having such "hardcore" interests is ever taken lightly amongst "normal" people, and it's not just something you can go out and tell just any old person without them immediately jumping to conclusions such as that. But, I have known many people who were interested in such things that despite their potential other mental/physical health issues, were not un-empathetic people or people incapable of feeling emotional attachment to others. For example, this is often another stigma put upon aromantic people as well, or people who do not experience romantic attraction to their partners-- this doesn't mean they are uncaring individuals or an incapable of empathy or don't care about someone's emotional health, but simply that they don't need or desire a romantic bond with their partners. Otherwise, if you had question or concern about how your sexuality plays-out in your relationships, despite their kink/non-kink nature, I imagine that this thread would be a better topic if moved to Sexual + Romantic Orientation or Physical + Sexual Health you'd probably receive more feedback there than here on the gender forum. If you're looking to connect with other kink individuals though, you might have a better shot at that on a forum that caters specifically to those desires. We can help out with gender/sexuality related issues here, but that doesn't automatically mean everybody will be able to relate to your lifestyles.
It's okay to feel that way. I'm a little bit of a masochist, just not sexually. People are mean and if they can't deal with u, don't waste ur time with them. It's easier said than done, but let go of what they think. There's a huge community here on EC who accept people for who they are, whether they're black, white, pink, purple, gay, tattooed, bald, have 3 genders or have none. Being different doesn't phase us. There's always someone to talk to.
