asexual? demisexual? can someone help me answer?

how can I put this without offending(?) anyone. I have no interest in physical things if in a relationship. because when I think about it, I know that nothing really lasts and that there really is no point to it. yet it's also because I have never been given physical affection by my father growing up. meaning he never really hugged me or a simple kiss on the head as far as I can remember. and yet another part of me wants some form of affection since I want to feel wanted? but I always felt uncomfortable when I was given a hug or kiss by my ex. (do you understand?) so I tend to always use asexual. yet sometimes feel the need to say demisexual since i'm afraid of never being given affection like a hug.(?) I'm honestly looking for a answer and if there are others out there who are like me in this sense or at least similar. sorry for my drabbling.

 

I think I can see what you mean... it's okay to desire someone who is able to give you affection when you need it, but not see it as a necessary factor for your relationship. I think it's also okay to identify as asexual if you very rarely (if ever) desire any kind of sexual or romantic contact even if you are capable of attraction. Or, on the other hand, even if you're not capable of sexual/romantic attraction, it's okay to sometimes desire the attention as well! Like, sexual people sometimes have sex with people they're not attracted to simply because they enjoy the feeling, so I feel it could work the same way for you. Also, you don't need to be 100% entirely 1 way all the time to still be valid and call yourself asexual or demisexual if you feel that's what applies to your existence a majority of the time.... for example, there have been periods in my life where I wasn't attracted to any genders other than male, and other periods where I am strongly attracted to females moreso than any other, etc. etc. ...how we are is fluid and sometimes dependent on the situation or person as well. You may be afraid of intimacy and still desire it even if you don't enjoy all types of it... you can even just want a hug or a kiss or sex every once in awhile or just only on your terms and still be asexual/demisexual/demiromamtic and that's fine as well. What you deem as sexual or romantic or intimate contact really just depends on your personal definition of what's appropriate for you.

 

Sorry for the annotations.

I feel this way a lot. Just because you identify as asexual (or one of the many shades of it), doesn't mean that you don't want some form of human contact once in a while. Just thought I'd say it from another's perspective. We are human, and as such, most of us need some sort of contact in order to get by. Labels don't really apply in this case. It is like Kipper said, a matter of what is appropriate for you. And setting those boundaries, so you don't confuse others later on.

 

I think Kipper put it well in saying that you should choose the label that describes you the majority of the time and one which you (and others) will be comfortable using.