So I haven't been on here in a while and i know there are similar threads but I felt the need to post my story rather than just add to someone elses if that makes sense anyhoo here goes. So i was born female pretty early on in childhood I identified as a boy it was never an issue with family I felt very comfortable cut my hair wore boys clothes joined boys sports teams etc. My parents were great and let me express myself however I wanted. Then came puberty I cried and cried I hated what was happening to my body. I grew more comfortable with it and grew my hair out started wearing more feminine clothes. Inside i still felt like a boy most of the time but sometimes I did feel like a girl. This is how I continue to feel to this day mostly i feel like a boy sometimes i feel like a girl. I mainly wear boys or gender neutral clothes. My struggle is my body it's too feminine I detest my breasts they are quite large and people always comment on them, I just really hate the. I'd love to grow a beard also. I guess my issue is I don't feel i am t male thats not how I identify but I feel uncomfortable in my body I wish it were more androgynous/masculine. I'm in my 30's now and don't really know what to do. Not even sure why I am writing this but i guess this is what empty closets is for. anyone feel similar? what did you do about it?
Trust me, I know how you feel. I pass as more androgynous but the issue is that I am quite small! It's tough enough to wonder if anyone will ever acknowledge you as who you really are, but finding love as well? I'm only slightly younger than you and I"d say that if you haven't yet, start doing what makes you feel better. Wear what you've always wanted to wear, be who you'v ealways felt you've been on the inside. The rejection is hard at first, but it's more important for you to come to accept yourself than to be accepted by others. I hope you find the courage and support that you need to start doing what feels right to you. I'm not even talking surgery. I'm one trans who has contemplated surgery before but the thought of cutting into my body is too much and I probably won't undergo surgery. I may always end up looking like a girl pretending to be a man. But I don't accept that as how I define myself. Even if I go through my entire life without feeling accepted for who and what I am, I've reached a point where I know the truth and nobody can attempt to redefine that truth for me. I hope you can reach that point where you come to accept yourself for all that you are and love yourself for all the beautiful things that make you different.
What I did was read alot about others who went through what I'm going through still. My transition started with doing it the wrong way. Self medicating and losing my job due to changes that scared everyone at work. Was trying to be stealth but ended up being betrayed by my girlfriend and family. People started talking and I lost everything. Best thing to do is to talk to a counselor and find the best way to sort out things at first, then go from there.
Thanks for the replies I think im going to order my first binder today. I already wear the clothes i want to wear so I'd like to see what i can look like more flat chested. Talking to a counsellor is tough here there's a 18 month waiting list for an appointment with the gender clinic after referral from GP.
