So I've never really posted here, but I could really use some help. My first problem is that I'm starting hormones soon (Monday) with the support of my mother. However, I live with my dad. He says he doesn't mind but I feel like he does. Like he says he is okay with gay and trans people but he always mentions if someone is gay or trans even when its completely irrelevant to the conversation. He also keeps telling me that he doesn't understand and that its okay to "be a girl that likes guy things" but he never does any research to try to understand either. Does anyone have any tips or resources to try to help him understand? I really want to move out but that isn't possible right now. The second problem is that I recently changed my name. However, almost everyone I know refuses to use my new name, apart from about three friends from high school. I am trying hard to get a job, but now I have no references because nobody will call me the correct name. I asked a couple people if they would be my references and they said no because they would have to tell the employers my "real name" (even though it has been legally changed.) Does anyone have any ideas on what I could do for references? I'm super scared that I will never get a job because of this. Any help is appreciated.
I dont' see the problem with them using your "real" or "past" name for reference. You're still the same person. You might have to out yourself at work, but it's better to get the interview and go for the job than to sit back and never get it because you're afraid that you'll be discriminated against. Sometimes it's better to put yourself in the forefront and accept that, in the past, you were [Name], and that's what you'll need to use to begin with. But as the years pass, within 1-2 years, you'll be fully transitioned on hormones and nobody will remember your old name. As for your dad, PFLAG's a good place for resources. But taht takes openness and willingness to learn. Most people don't know how to handle their trans kids. I know my family sure as hell doesn't know what to do with me or even that I am trans. They lump LGBT into a single group. Jus tbecause they don't know better. I'm glad at least, between the two of us, you're out to your family as trans. Hopefully your dad'll get the hang of it over time. Give him internet resources, print stuff out for him if he's an older feller.
Thank you very much for the reply. The problem with using my old name is that I have had it legally changed. So its my "real"/legal name now. They just refuse to use it. I think I might be able to use my teachers from high school (which I graduated 2 years ago) but I'm not out to them and I went to a Catholic school (although the teachers and students were all surprisingly liberal. Like we had a school party when gay marriage was legalized). I already know I'll have to out myself since I'll be transitioning at work and I'm okay with that. I'll definitely look into PFLAG. I don't think there is one around here (I live in a very small town far from any larger cities) but I'm sure I'll find something. I'm glad my mom is supportive. I think that given enough time my dad will come around but things might be weird until then. I will definitely have to print out any resources considering he can barely even turn on his computer or Google anything. I think he is technophobic. Good luck with your family too. I'm sure things will get better for both of us.
