Okay, I'm pretty sure everyone will say that gender expression has nothing to do with identity and I should know that but I'm still paranoid. So I suppose it's called an arcade, I don't know if that's right or what it's called in America. But I went out today to this...place where you play a bunch of games and you win tickets, then you choose a prize based on how many tickets you've won. I saw these bracelets and they were 20 tickets each, they were all I could really buy so I traded in my tickets for them. They're those gel bracelets: green, orange, pink, yellow. And I know there's this urban legend behind them but that doesn't really matter to me since it's just a legend, I don't care. I'm just worried that other people are going to say I'm not trans, I know that's stupid but I like wearing them even though they look feminine. Especially the pink one, maybe I could just wear the rest but I played a lot of games to get those 80 tickets so it'd be disappointing to get rid of one. I think they're unisex but I guess bracelets in general are seen as more feminine. Especially because I look more like a girl already. I don't know. It's just that I've heard of lot of people, not cis people but older trans people say that if you like feminine things and "act like a girl" then you're not really transgender so...I'm feeling discouraged. And people say you need to make an effort but what counts as an effort? I swear as soon as I got them, I got this feeling that I'm less trans now. Is it okay to wear them anyway? I mean, I don't think it's going to help me pass at all. Can I still pass even if I'm wearing them? Will people suspect I'm trans or will they think nothing of it?
I don't think that's true at all. Things like clothes, hobbies, makeup and jewelry shouldn't be gendered. If you like them, wear them, and to hell with what people think.
Well I think there is something to this old view and there is something to the making effort thing. But one bracelet doesn't change snything, alright? I have cis male friends who have notebooks with puppies and pink. Those are simply cool notebooks. Feminine, sure, but it's like... such a one unimportant thing. If you like the bracelet, go for it. Passing, yeah, but let's be honest, passing is not something we can influence this much. It can come at a cost. Christ, why do so many people have this stupid problem? I have to say that the trans stereotypes confused me for a long time too, especially those regarding clothes and the such.
Honestly, do whatever you want, it's just a bracelet and wearing it doesn't make you any less trans. I also don't understand what "making an effort" is supposed to mean. Sure, you probably won't pass pre-t while wearing a dress, but you also shouldn't change your whole personality and fashion taste. I've been on T for over a year now and when I see an article of clothing and it happens to be pink, I'll wear it anyway. Since transitioning I've actually become more feminine because I finally realized I don't give a damn about other peoples opinions on how I should dress, behave etc. It was a process, for sure and when I started my transition I worried about little things just like you, but trans people are also held to a ridiculously high standard when it comes to gender stereotypes.
I know trans men who like to wear dresses and makeup... I personally love sweaters. There are lots of feminine men, cis or not... plus when it comes down to it, gender is more about the individual and how they feel and their happiness, not gendered objects or clothing. It feels really good to pass... but that will come in time as well. So long as you're on your journey, just try and be light about things and love yourself. Most people who would catch a passing glance on a daily basis and question won't ever be in your life again after that, so their judgement doesn't matter so much.
