I deal with the body that I have It but continues to be miserable experience. I wish I could look at myself without getting sick to my stomach. But no matter how I try to cope or think about something else , my feelings always get to me. I'm ugly and disgusting and maybe I should just die.
That is nonsense. Like you I am not happy with my looks but depression won't help you. What exactly you dislike about yourself? People can be harsh and not everything will be perfect. But you can do it. There are many possiblities how to improve your look and for some things you just need to be patient. I'm sure you are going to be even prettier girl than you are now if you keep trying.You just have to believe in it. And no you should NOT just die. I'm sure that if you don't give up your sunny days will come back. And will be better than ever. I don't know you but trust me you aren't disgusting. You eroze here and that requires some nice bravery. Would a disgusting person do that? I doubt it. If you want to talk I' m here for you. Don't give it to the depression, good luck. ---------- Post added 20th Apr 2017 at 12:01 PM ---------- * wrote not eroze, fck autocorrect
Unfortunately I am pre everything and haven't went after hrt. It would be a pain living with family if I ever tried it. I hate my face , I feel dsyphoric about my body in general and not go into graphic details. Sometimes it feels like I can't be more than I am now and changing my looks even in small ways would cause my family to flip out. Look for Sunny days to comeback? I'm still looking for the good days now..
Well that's complicated. How about you talk with some proffesional about it? Btw you won't live with your family forever.
It feels like I will live with them forever unless they finally mean they will kick me out. I don't want to be outted and person that I already see talks to family. My family would really kick me out then. I don't have transportation of my own to really get around , so its unavoidable that they know what is going on.
That sucks. Im afraid you have to make a choice then. Or get your family to accept LGBT people somehow. So that person talks to your family, well that makes things even more complicated. Technically they can accept you later but you can never be sure. I guess you just have to choose.
Wasn't part of being professional keeping secret what is said by the patient? -- Do you have a friend who could offer you transportation?
I don't think my family would ever accept , they are anti LGBT and they talk the most ill about trans people. I already had moment in my life where I was outted in a way and they already have it in thier mind since then that I reformed in some way to be who they want me to be. ---------- Post added 25th Apr 2017 at 06:33 AM ---------- I think I signed something permitting them to be there , I think that was only way my mom would be willing to take me being aware of all the details. I don't have any friends.
Are you underage? I know it doesn't make it much better, but surely you can move out when you're older, why stay with your parents forever? Is there any LGBT youth group in your area? When you say that you signed something... so it means that you already went to a therapist, but your mother was also present. I wonder what kind of therapist allowes parents to be there (unless it's some sort of family therapy). It's obvious that you can't talk freely with your parents in the room. Can't you ask for a private session?
Well some people just can't accept us. You' re not the only one with this problem, trust me. I know it sucks but you have to settle your priorities. Besides it's your life not the life your family rules. Btw how old are you?
I'm not a minor... unfortunately and they pretty much report back everything to family. I don't think my parent would have agreed to it all if they weren't fully aware of everything. It's not family session as I know. Nothing ever seems to stay a secret , so its like why should I open up to someone who snitches and reports back. I know I should do something about it but I dont know what I can truly do. My family wouldn't take me to therapist that goes against them. I live in the middle of nowhere. I don't have a car or anything. As things are now , its hopeless situation.
I have an idea, maybe it's a bad and silly idea, but whatever, if so, I'm sorry. You might find a little job, save some money, buy a motorcycle (a car would be too expensive I guess) and move around in search for an lgbt group of support.
Unfortunately, until you take control you won't feel any better. By take control, I mean what Crisalide already suggested. Get a job, save money, even move out. If you're not a minor this should be doable. I'm sure it will also be difficult. Very, very difficult. Every day will be a pain, but you'll have control and it will be your life, your choices, your way. And that knowledge is precious. Stay strong (you're tougher than you think). You'll pull through.
You likely signed a HIPAA release form and signed your mom onto your medical records. That can be undone. Now that you have the appointment you could undo it. In that instance if your therapist by law cannot talk to them. If they do they can lose their license. However, that would not solve the problem of your family. If they did find out it sounds like it could come back to bite you. For now try and focus on getting out on your own and find some way to cope that works for you. Even if it's small. My favorite line ever said to me was "your feelings are valid" if you say you are a girl then you are no matter what anyone else says. It can suck not being recognized as one, but sometimes it can help to just say that to yourself and remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with you.
I don't think I have courage to undo it and cause drama. It sounds easier said than done to be able to be on my own and I try to cope but its impossible not to feel sad. ---------- Post added 29th Apr 2017 at 05:16 AM ---------- I'm twenty...something , its so embarrassing to say.
Many people in their twenties and even thirties live with their parents, these times are difficult, no need to be embarrassed about it. But you could try to slowly make steps towards independance.
