Genderqueer?

Genderqueer... I've been pondering this for a while now. Counting the years before I'd read anything about genderqueerness, it's been a long long time.

They say time solves all problems (heals all wounds really, but you know what I mean), least I used to think so, but nothing's been solved exactly for me. I'm still not sure and don't run at the chance to label myself.

There are a few things I am sure of: like my feelings, preferences, image of self and what image I project on the inside (does that make sense?) and I'm pretty sure that whatever I decide today about my identity will probably change eventually. Maybe I don't like the commitment to a clear and definitive identity/gender. Maybe this applies to you too on some level?

 

Hi Sebby,

I'm in a very similar situation. When I first started questioning my gender, I settled on the label nonbinary and was quite sure I was neither male nor female. Then I went through another phase of questioning, pondered along the lines of transmasculine and asked myself if I was FtM in denial. Right now, I am back to not caring about gender at all. I've got less dysphoria and when I look at old diary entries, it's like the feelings that led me to think I'm FtM belong to another person.

I guess what I feel right now could be described as agender, but I don't like labels much. Like Dyan's, my identity seems rather fluid and I might not have figured everything out yet. What I know is that I am much happier at the moment than I used to be in the past few months, when I was stressing out over my gender so much.

Did your thoughts on your gender identity change after you came out to someone? Because I think this is what happened to me. As soon as I stopped hiding my identity from everyone, I became much more relaxed about my gender. Maybe it's because I know I'm not alone in all this.

 

I'm still trying to figure out if I'm Genderqueer or FtM. I have, however, experienced similar feelings of "Who cares about gender? Not I!" to "Get this stupid female-body off of my soul." I don't know what it means, but I do know you're not alone! Hopefully that provides a tiny amount of comfort at least.

---------- Post added 26th Apr 2017 at 07:32 PM ----------

I'm fully aware this wasn't directed towards me, but it's good advice, so I'm going to respond to it anyways, if that's cool. If not feel free to ignore me.
I think that's actually a good idea- possibly coming out to people as one or the other (probably nonbinary- I feel like it would be better received) and seeing if perception from my end changes? One concern I have with that though is when coming out to people, how do you do so if you aren't completely confident in who you are? Suggestions?

 

No problem! I'm happy if what I wrote was helpful to you

I'd recommend coming out to people you trust 100% first. You can tell them you're not sure of your identity yet. When I came out to the first two friends, I ended up telling them my whole life story regarding gender. They know I'm still doubting myself, but they accept me for who I am. If you have anyone you trust whole-heartedly, it's very likely that they will support you, no matter how confused you are.

Besides, explaining gender identity to someone cis helped me to pin down what I don't know about myself yet. It's hard and it can be frustrating. But it also helps because those messed up feeling become words and words are way easier to handle.

 

I have similar feelings. There are days I couldn't care less about my gender, days I feel very strongly that I need to be seen as male, and even days here and there where I would prefer to be seen as female. I choose to call myself a trans guy anyway because I would rather people see me as male most days. On days that I don't care about gender, it doesn't bother me to be seen as male, and the days when I'd rather be seen as female are so rare that they're not really worth talking about. I figure that if I tell people I'm a trans guy, they're seeing about 98% of me / my gender, and that's enough. They don't need to know all the details of how my feelings change on different days; they just need to know that I inhabit the world as a (gender nonconforming) guy.

 

I think being genderqueer is hard to define and figuring out what gender you are, unless maybe one feels strongly on either side of the spectrum, is hard in general.

For years I wondered and even hoped I was a trans man and that transitioning would be for me, because it would have been easier for me socially since my hobbies are masculine as is my clothing style and mannerisms. But always I ended up feeling uncomfortable and dissatisfied with the idea of transitioning, of going to the other end of the spectrum in a way, I always felt that would still not be me.

First of all, gender really is a social construct in most things and the aspects that aren't, are hard to quantify and explain because they run deep and have always been there inside somehow, part of who one is.

Just liking masculine coded things can and also doesn't have to mean anything since clothing styles and hobbies are all things invented by people and so they're not naturally gendered, it's a construct. But then, because these stereotypes have been so ingrained in us for hundreds and thousands of years, we all do associate them with gender so it can still be a way you identify with the gender you feel inside. Yet, of course there's plenty of women of all kinds who just happen to enjoy things stereotypically regarded as masculine and there's "manly" men who openly or secretly(because of stigma) enjoy feminine coded things.

So it's hard for someone genderqueer to pinpoint exactly to what degree they identify as this or that and the thing is, no one should have to because cis people don't have to explain or define their gender on a constant basis, they just are.

If you feel more comfortable with the genderqueer category and have been honest with yourself and questioning all the possible options, then it's likely you're genderqueer.

For me, it's hard to label myself because I can't say I'm x% this ,x% that, with a dash of x% whatever. There's situations and ways in which I feel(both inside on a level I can't explain and in terms of social constructs) more like a man/masculine, there's ways and situations in which I feel in between and there's ways and situations in which I feel more like a woman/feminine. It's just me and I wish there was no need to explain it or justify or quantify it because it's nothing out of this world, it's just combinations of what already exists.

 

In china people who have balanced IN/YAN energies are the people who live in harmony.
Perhaps we have feminine and masculine sides, and that's how it should be.
I struggle myself where to put myself
I heard lesbians don't have long nails. I like them, not very long though. I like colourful nail polishes and I like pink. Does it make me straight?

 

I'm agender and I don't view it as not caring about gender. For me it's that I feel no gender.

I was born female but don't recognise anything within me that is female

I wear men's clothes and scents but I have no feeling of being masculine either.

I simply have no gender when I look within myself

 

Gender is not something people think about, or what you think. Or depends how you look at it. What is identity? That's the question you're really asking. What does it mean to be a certain gender? I don't understand it either. My gut tells me I was supposed to be male. I couldn't care less about my bits. What am I? FtM, genderqueer? I definely am queer, ha ha.

---------- Post added 30th Apr 2017 at 08:43 AM ----------

What bugs you about being a trans man? Is it transitioning?

 

Aha so you don't feel gender in this more profound sense, then I get it. Sometimes people "can't see" themselves as completely trans, but that results rather from a certian fear or other people's opinions, that's why I might be pushing. It was definitely the case for me. I was like "Ummm I must be agender, because I don't hate my body, but don't feel female either, and think gender roles are lame". How I'm going to act is a different business, lacking gender is not where it all originated.

I'm glad you' re better. Those things tend to be frustrating...

 

You could be genderflux, which is basically an intensity of gender.
Some days you're like "YES IM TOTALLY A DUDE" and other days you're like "ehh.."
But it just depends on how it is for you, I hope find an identity that resonates with you