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Is anyone else bothered by the word "queer"?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Cailan, Apr 30, 2017.

  1. Cailan

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    Every time I hear the word "queer" I cringe. I grew up in the 1970s and 1980s when the word was the equivalent to the N-word, applied to gays. It's the most hurtful gender/sex word I can think of. I react emotionally violently whenever I see it applied by the trans population, and feel sick if it's applied to me in any way, shape or form.
     
  2. Worker Bee

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    I don't mind queer so much. I hate it when people describe things as gay e.g. that's so gay. When they mean stupid etc
     
  3. Chatnoir13

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    It doesn't bother me since i'm used to hearing it said by people in the LGBT community only. I don't think I've heard it said negatively more than once or twice, but thats just my experience. I agree with NerdbyNature, I hear gay being used negitively a lot.
     
    #3 Chatnoir13, Apr 30, 2017
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  4. Sebby45

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    It doesn't bother me.
     
  5. Mihael

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    "Faggot" is a stupid insult... if used as an insult.

    I'm just 21 so I can't know what it meant in the past. "Queer" me think of the "reclaimed" meaning.
     
    #5 Mihael, Apr 30, 2017
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  6. newts

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    I don't really like the word queer either. I don't mind when people use it for themselves, but I don't like when people apply it to me. Also, it is still used as a slur, despite what some people say.
     
  7. beenthrdonetht

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    Yes I think emerry is right: queer has been reclaimed. Just like the N-word, as the other example that OP cited. Now I'm white as Wonder bread and wouldn't use the N-word. The Q-word... I kinda like it, has a bit of a rebellious sound to it.

    But... we're not throwing shade on Cailan's feelings because (part of) the whole point of EC is that feelings can't just be talked away. But they may just have to learn to grit their teeth a little more. And then politely say "That word is like fingernails on chalkboard to me, could you rephrase?"
     
  8. looking for me

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    i grew up in the same time frame and yes it was like the N word. but when i came out i took it for me, i identify as queer because i know from experience it is valuable to take a weapon from your opponent and this word has been used as a weapon. they cant use me to insult me..... saying im queer is like saying im (insert birth name here).
     
  9. Creativemind

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    EDIT: I'm not trans, but the word queer is sometimes aimed at cis LGB too, so I still have some input.

    I don't like it either, but It's more than just it as a slur.

    Aside from a slur, my reasons are:

    - It's actual definition is strange/unusual, and while LGBT is a minority, I still don't like considering myself that way. I consider myself to be like a straight person in every way except same sex attraction, so I don't want to have attention drawn to me as someone "weird". Now you could say It's a just a word and doesn't mean anything, but we've already seen that people who use queer tend to follow specific politics, specific beliefs, specific level of pride...stuff I don't relate to and don't want to be linked in with.

    and

    - Queer is now mostly used by people who are somewhere on the bisexual spectrum, but don't want a label. Either questioning, pansexual, bisexual, homoflexible, and so on. A lot of people pretty much assume that queer means "non-straight but possibly open to the opposite sex" which causes a lot of problems and misconceptions for 100% gay people.

    So I would prefer not to be called that. You can call it reclaimed all you want- but that doesn't mean every black person in the world is ok with being called the N-word even if you yourself reclaimed it.
     
    #9 Creativemind, Apr 30, 2017
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  10. AbsoluteNerd

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    This. Absolutely. To continue the N-word comparison, notice that it's only ok to be used by non-white people. If I were to go around using the N-word, I would be crucified, because I'm white. If my friend K were to use it, he'd be completely fine, because he is african american. The same concept applies to the word queer for me.

    Personally, I don't like to use the word anyway. The original definition is "weird" or "unusual" and I feel like those who use it against us are using it as much for the original definition as the "reclaimed" definition.
     
    #10 AbsoluteNerd, Apr 30, 2017
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  11. Mihael

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    (*I had in mind "Makes me think of the "reclaimed" ...". Typo)

    ---------- Post added 30th Apr 2017 at 12:33 PM ----------

    I think Creativemind nailed it. I call myself queer because of those two reasons exactly
     
  12. Foxfeather

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    Oh, I actually like it just because it's an umbrella term. I also think "dyke," coming from the mouth of a lesbian, is pretty awesome, too. It's got a hard ending to it. Dy-ke.
     
  13. astriferous

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    I have no preference with the word being used for myself, probably because I'm pretty young, and I think it's just not a common word to use as a slur where I live. But I can totally understand people that hate it, and I agree with others that someone should only be called queer if they're ok with it.

    When I'm in spaces where many have reclaimed the word, I am surrounded by positive connotations with it and don't mind; when I hear it in everyday conversation, I am uncomfortable because it's likely used as a negative word in that case. So, I guess it changes depending on who I'm with, for me. Like when my LGBTQ+ friends use the word "gay" negatively in a joking manner around each other, vs when my cishet friends do so and I become uncomfortable.
     
  14. Cailan

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    There are also a lot of older black folk who are NOT okay with the younger generations' reclamation and use of the word. The younger folk don't understand just how hurtful and damaging the word is to those who lived in that era. It's too soon, for both the N and Q words. Wait until those who were seriously damaged by it have passed.

    I agree the literal definition is also not flattering. This is not a word that should be reclaimed.
     
  15. WeDreamOfPeace

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    I've never like the use of the word queer. It's never been used around me, nor have I used it myself, but it just conjures up images of discrimination and regarding anyone LGBT+ as unnatural, strange or diseased.

    But what really grinds is the rampant use of the word gay in a negative sense. Constantly. Maybe it's just living in Essex, but whenever anything is disliked it's either "gay", "so gay", or "looks like AIDS". Funny, all of that stopped around me when I came out as bisexual to them... funny that.

    Reclaimed or not, the N and Q words still sting to me and others.

    Or maybe I'm just really, really sensitive :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Peace