I'm AFAB, and when I realized my nonbinary identity, I began to consider my feelings about my body and thought they were signs of dysphoria. I seem to get intermittent ill feelings about my chest and think about how it would look if it were flat, or at least smaller. I also have veeery rare discomfort with my bottom area sometimes. However, I've had experiences that could have affected my relation to my genitals in general, and this is really confusing me wrt if I'm actually having dysphoria, or if I just don't like my body, or if dysphoria can be informed from life experiences? (I would love to know what people think about the last bit.) This might get a bit weird, but thanks to unrestricted internet access I found porn way early, which might have alienated me from my "downstairs bits" (lol) in a sense. Combined with that, I started puberty relatively early (had my period in 5th grade). My family is typically large-chested so this gave me uncomfortably-sized boobs for a young kid in elementary and middle school. I got pestered about my chest from fellow students and accused of stuffing from some, and it was very uncomfortable. I hated how large my chest was in comparison to the kids around me. Now, sometimes I do want my chest to be smaller if not flat, and want to get a binder someday. However, I wouldn't want top surgery. Even when I want my chest to look flat, I (typically) can't imagine myself actually having a completely flat chest; like, taking off my shirt and just having no breasts. Considering all that, I have to wonder if this weird inconsistent dysphoria (?) is actually me continuing to A) feel weird about my genitals for non-gender reasons and B) want a less-noticeable chest in general due to self-consciousness. I don't know if A was ever true, but B is something I've likely wanted at least a couple of years after I grew breasts, due to the inconsiderate and inappropriate way some kids at school asked about them and asked about my bra size. I also struggle with liking my body in general. Is it possible that I'm not having dysphoria, or that somehow these experiences contribute to actual gender-related dysphoria, or something?
Honestly, from how you descibe it, it doesn't really sound like gender dysphoria. In my experience and from what I've read, gender dysphoria has a very strong physical component to it that differentiates it from disliking your body. I've described it in the past as mini traumatic shocks... A feeling of deep loss in relation to the body that you were meant to have, it manifests as anxiety, disconnect, feelings of sorrow and pain, it flows through you and you struggle to breath and all you want to do is hide somewhere and never come back because it hurts. The sad thing is that you don't even need to dislkke how you look to feel gender dysphoria, some trans men and women perceive their bodies as beautiful before transitioning, some even choose to work as models. I remember a while back, a story of a trans woman that was struggling to cope with life post transitioning, Her story was that she was a model before transitioning but the same features that made her body so beautiful before transitioning made it impossible for her to pass as a woman. Her face was too masculine and she was too tall for a woman in her eyes. She was living on the streets at the time, working in prostitution. Going back to your description, as far as I know, it's common for people who are afab to dislike their breasts and want to have smaller breasts because of the physical and social discomfort associated with having larger breasts. This is also true in context of having a period. Feeling uncomfortable with the idea of having a completely flat chest is also a strong sign that what you are describing is not gender dysphoria.
When it comes to your chest, perhaps you would consider a breast reduction? My mom has large breasts and so does my sister and aside from the ridiculous comments large breasted women come across, it causes terrible back pain and damage. Perhaps there's something to consider there?
Thanks for your input, this has been really confusing for me and it helps to know how others feel! After some more thinking, I think my wish to bind is only really gender-related in that it's partially about how people perceive my gender (my chest makes me seem too feminine to others when I am often not that feminine on the inside), but not about gender dysphoria, if that makes sense. Like, its socially gender-related (possibly in addition to what I talked about in the original post) but not gender-related in the way you describe it, Eveline. I have considered this a little bit, but my chest doesn't give me pain, it's just a bit awkward, haha. Maybe I'll be in a place to seriously consider it in the future.
Not wanting a completely flat chest but also not a huge one is also a common dysphoria issue for bi-gender or genderfluid types. Getting rid of them entirely makes it almost impossible for those girl mode days, and having big ones that don't bind nicely complicate those guy mode days. So yes, it can be dysphoria, for non-binary types. Being non-binary trans is SOOOO different from binary trans. What causes dysphoria, and what we can do it about it, is completely different.
Dysphoria is a range of emotion, you don't have to feel that you're in the complete wrong body in order to have it, just typically binary trans people tend to have it stronger because that is apparent. But, it's the same as any other sort of negative feeling or mental Illness, it can come in waves or be constant, it might be extremely severe and disabling to one person, but only a nuisance to someone else. I agree that nonbinary and binary trans people can experience dysphoria differently, because often we choose different roads to dealing with it. If you only have social dysphoria (meaning, your gender only bothers you in terms of how others perceive you) then that's fine, and it's still okay for you to bind or try and appear more androgynous in order to help that. You may just have less physical dysphoria (the feeling of incongruence with your own body) or mental dysphoria (disconnect from your identity, or feeling as though you have inner conflict with your gender identity)
Oddly I have very low social dysphoria, and really don't care about pronouns and such, moderate mental dysphoria (always waiting for someone to call me a fraud on my femme appearance); my dysphoria is primarily physical, but not about parts that people can see unless I'm naked. I need certain parts, I don't care if no one can *see* that I'm part guy.
