This has only recently become a concern of mine. Gender roles be damned, i never did feel like i was 'one of the girls'. But i don't feel particularly boyish either - mom had me playing sports as a kid cause that was the only out of school activity we had in our small town for a long time and i hated it. I like video games and action/war movies and anime as my main hobbies, and i guess you could call them boyish but still idk. I don't put on makeup (don't even know how tbh despite being shown how at like 12 by my mom). I don't like skirts or dresses for the most part and usually just like well fitting t-shirts or polos and skinny jeans, that's all i wear. I own a few nice shirts and two dresses but i've literally never worn the dress. I bought them so if mom forces me to go to church some day with her and sister i can go under the mental excuse that at least i can try dressing up. Hair, nails, dress, etc. I think it'd be fun to dress up but only under special circumstances, and even if i think it'd be fun but it wouldn't come naturally. When it comes to my body, i mean other than feeling a bit chubby and feeling like i've got a small chest, i'm totally fine with it. I've always been perfectly comfortable in my biologically by birth girl's body. I mean on occassion i think it'd be cool to have a dick for a day just to see what its like but nothing serious. The only variable is my mom said they thought at one point i would be a boy so i had a green baby blanket made for me first, then later a well made pink one with my name on it. Idk when they were made or what led them to think i would be a boy. I might even be remembering it wrong - maybe they didn't know and thought green was gender neutral. They rarely talk about it. So i've wondered for a few weeks now if this is simply me or if there's a label to help me understand it better. Cause its not clear cut - some days its a jeans and a t-shirt and throw my hair up sort of day, and others i find a nicer pair of jeans and a nice top to wear but nothing fancy. I own so many necklaces i never wear i just wear the same one, cause it means a lot to me. On a rare occasion i'll do my hair real nice but the majority of the time its just too much time and effort and it feels weird being concerned about my hair. And as much as i like dressing nicely some times, i can't dress to save my life - i mean i can't pick out outfits and look all amazing like other girls can. I pick out a random shirt i like but don't think about how to pair it with shoes or whatever and make it look like a solid, put together outfit. I feel guilty about how other girls can do that and put on makeup and i can't. I'm boyish but i've always identified as a girl, but i've also never had a reason to think otherwise. This is coming from the girl who convinced herself she was straight from age 12 through 25 so anything's possible really. Is there a word for all this? Or am i just insecure and a bit of an oddball? And i don't mean transgender i'm definetally not trans. I just mean is there a newer label i don't really understand that might explain my feelings and help me understand them a bit better.
From what I've read, it sounds like you're a female that doesn't fit in with femininity. Gender expression is not the same as gender identity.
Do you feel comfortable calling yourself a woman? Entirely? How do younfeel about pronouns? What if everyone treated you as a man since today? Said you're a man. Classified you as such.
Pretty much this. My heart flutters when I hear myself referred to as girl, compared to when I'm referred to as a guy. I love being a she, and in fact am quite uncomfortable with being called a guy. Sometimes I can't even type my own male name due to a discomfort with my gender. If you're totally fine with always being a woman, you're a woman. Expression isn't identity. A lot of my hobbies are kind of masculine compared to my gender identity, but I feel like a woman. Another user suggested this website Pronoun Dressing Room Try out some names/pronouns, see what you're more comfortable. Peace, hugs, hope, cake and blessings.
