Hi. Lately I've been having some trouble with my gender. I feel as though I am trans but I can never come out because nobody will ever like me or want to be my friend after I come out. I'm not popular. Never was and probably never will be. But I have some friends. And to me they are precious. I can't lose them because then I'll be alone. I'll have nothing. Nobody. Nobody in the entire world to be my friend. Has there ever been anybody who has surpressed their transgender feelings and been happy with it? I know I shouldn't. I know I should learn to accept myself. But I CANT lose my friends. I just don't want to come out if it means my life will be ruined. But let me know what you think. Bye:help:
Hey Sam, :smilewave perhaps they will be cool with it? Maybe you should choose someone you really trust and talk about it? Or maybe you could ask indirectly like "what do you think about transgender people"? You're very young. Cut yourself a slack. You'll find everything you need to know about yourself with time. I'm in my mid forties and still find new things about myself all the time. (*hug*)
do you have anything like a GSA at your school? you could go, meet some people who are accepting of differences, expand your friendship circle? maybe get more comfortable with who you are? it's tough, I know, trust me on that one. HUGS
You'd be surprised how many people are genuine, accepting, and friendly toward transgender individuals. The common stigma is that everyone hates us or thinks we're freaks, and yes there are those people, but there are also a lot of decent people. Both within and outside of this community. I understand the fear of losing people because you're trans. I've suppressed that part of me for years because I've feared my family would reject me (which they did). But painful as it may be, there is hope beyond loss. There are so many awesome, caring people I've found here at EC who have supported me. My advice to you would be to find a similar support network, whether through you school, a local LGBT safe place, or an online community such as this one. And too, not all of your friends will certainly reject you. Sometimes support comes from where we least expect it. Always keep fighting.
I suppress being transgender for a very long time enough so that most of my memories of being transgender was pushed aside so far that I didn't remember them until I was an adult. It's too bad I didn't know earlier because I would have been in a lot better of her position possibly but because of my mother and how she reacted to certain situations I just didn't trust telling her the truth and some ways I think I made the right decision and in some ways I probably made the wrong decision. But it turned out okay. I understand the fear of losing everybody around you I understand the feelings of loneliness and I know how intense loneliness can become. I lived my entire life so far only making one friend who is extremely close to me but the only person I have. and to add on top of that she lives very far away from me and our only contact is often online we get to see each other every once a year or every couple of years and that's about it hopefully eventually I can move in with her. when I first started transition I was terrified that it was a possibility I would lose her even though she seemed accepting and she also had a hint I believe but didn't want to make the judgement for me she wanted me to figure it out and eventually I figured it out. although it comes down to one thing there will always be people in your life who will not agree with you whether that is because you're transgender or something entirely different. you will never fully Escape judgement and I wish that was not true but I think it's a good thing to note sometimes telling others around you is the best thing you actually can do it takes a lot of anxiety off your shoulders and in the end you don't end up having to hide. If they say they accept you then that's wonderful if they say they don't accept you then it will probably cause some type of distress but part of that anxiety will still be gone and you are still able to spread your wings and go wherever you need to go . for example if for some reason these friends of yours don't end up accepting you why would you want to be friends with them anyways that's like being friends with a bully. it basically is being friends with a bully or trying to fit into the popular crowd . the reality is that if they don't end up accepting you because of who you are inside then they're not worth your time or your effort even if they seem like the nicest people. There is always the second option of hiding forever but people normally don't pick that option because eventually they feel like they're going to explode. although I personally don't necessarily think that's the wrong option because people can do whatever they want with their lives it just doesn't mean that you're going to be happy with that option or that it's the best possible choice you could make. I think your best bet is to come out to those friends and remind yourself if they end up not accepting you for some reason then are they worth staying around? Isn't that the same as staying around bullies because they seem "Cool" when they aren't? Staying around somebody who dislikes you for being yourself would you really want to be a part of such a group who could possibly turn around and do it to somebody else? And keep in mind if worst comes to worst sometimes people take time to understand the situation it might take a couple months to a year or it might take longer but some people do start to understand even when it seems impossible . if something bad did come about that does not mean it's the end of the world and it doesn't mean that you couldn't educate them on the subject.
Not that there aren't people who will reject you, I've had a few but very much overwhelmingly have I had support and acceptance. The world isn't ALL bad as some might have you think. People made suggestions about the gay straight alliance or whatever it is called in at your school. Try to see if there is anyone out at your school that you can talk to as well. Make friends with them. Get support that way.
