My first thread here after I realized that I was trans was written in fear. Looking back, I don't really understand how that fear ever subsided. The journey always seems so long and every year that passes just reminds me how seemingly impossible it is to reach the end. There is so much to come to terms with along the way and it is so easy to delude yourself to believe that you will be fine if you stay as you are, that you don't really need to transition to be happy. Then the dysphoria hits you and you feel its grasp on your throat and heart and you remember again how lost you feel right now. Years later, thinking about when I came out makes me feel so alone in this journey, how hopeful I was when I came out and how sad it all ended. Yet there are also points of pride, how I found the strength to keep on going when there was so little hope, how I managed to find some hope in a sea of despair. Those moments define who I am and the process of growth that is so core to transitioning. Thinking about it, I am so thankful that I found these forums. I am thankful for the friends that I made here and the support they gave me when I had no one else. These friendships are such a beautiful part of this experience, I've met so many people that I admire and care for, these relationships changed me forever, they made me feel like I belong for the first time, they gave me a reason to believe that one day I will be accepted for who I am, that my family will see beyond the mask and love me for the person that I am inside. (&&&) Eveline
this is all of our hopes I think, certainly it is mine. our inner selves are our true selves, our best selves. that person is Sarah for me, not ____, and Eveline is you, not ______. our families will have to accept, especially if we start to transition as I have while my parents seem content to ignore the truth. you'll be fine, be you, be fabulous.(*hug*)
