So uhhh... Well hi. I'm not quite sure how to begin this... Well, I suppose I ought to start with a little background. I'm a 26 year old "male". Right now, I have a pretty standard hetero cis life. I have a good job, I've recently got a girlfriend and I have a reliable social circle. But, despite all that, I've often questioned my gender identity. I mean, I was raised like a boy, to be a man (oh, I'm in a latino country, so, yeah, a macho, or at least that's what I was raised to be), but for more than 10 years now I've questioned if that's who I really am. I have "put on a show", yeah, if anyone asks me, I'm straight as an arrow, as cis as they come, etc, but on the inside... I want to say I've always wanted to be a girl, but I'm not even sure of that anymore. See, I think I have developed what you might call a coping mechanism. I have this entire other persona in my head (and on the internet), who is very much a girl. And this isn't "Catfish" stuff. "She" actually has longtime friends and all and an entire social circle of her own. I even know how she dresses, how she does her hair, etc... And lately, well, I've been kind of flirting with the idea of crossdressing. Well, I'm not being entirely accurate. I've pretty much decided that I want to do that... I just, I don't know, after I discovered it, I just don't think I can not do it, lol. But anyway, that's not the point of this post, but it's important for you to know. The "funny" or rather, the ironic thing is, that I don't want to cross to be the cute girl in a skirt and heels. I want to dress as a somewhat androgynous girl, if that makes any sense at all. And that is confusing the shit out of me. What's even more confusing is that I have always found myself attracted to androgynous people, regardless of their genitalia. As a matter of fact, I kind of got this major crush on a person just like that, lol, who is not my cis hetero girlfriend... I don't even know why i'm typing this to be honest... Maybe I just wanted to vent? But I wonder, has anyone here ever experienced something like that? How did you get through this "I don't know who I am" phase? Does this feeling of a lack of identity ever pass?
I'm in that rn. Idk what to identify as atm. If it helps though, my first girl crush was an andro girl. I think it took me a week just to figure out if she was afab or amab and her gender neutral name didn't help. Looking back she coulda been nonbinary, idk. She didn't stay for very long at all. Just long enough to completely and thoroughly confuse me. Buuuuut anyways. There's lots of gender identities. Demigirl/demiboy, transgender, genderfluid, and bigender all come to mind. I guess just google search them and look up stories and write on here and feel out what describes you best, if you want an answer.
