Hi. I'm new here. Some details on myself. I tend to like referring myself as they or them. Maybe thinking of myself that way. I kind of daydream myself as a man and a woman sometimes, more man. But sometimes I like some kind of vague genderless identity. On some sites that require a real name, I recently had this idea of putting a genderless name. On one site, I go by a guest genderless name instead of my actual account which uses my email name that is clearly one gender. There is this slight anxious feeling when I'm referred to as one gender and a kind of slight sadness when I think this is how other people perceive me. But I'm not depressed about it. I'm pretty happy in my life and I think I can live life well being thought of as one gender but still, a bit of discomfort lingers. I think I'm pretty happy in my community since they don't stereotype based on genders. They don't really think much of gender here. Boys can feel strong emotions. Girls can play video games and be rough. Boys can have really affectionate group hugs. Girls can play some "boyish" sports and rough games. And more. Not much discrimination here. So I feel a sort of pleasant feeling that probably people don't really emphasize the gender of people in their minds as much. But there is still this slight discomfort of being called a "she" or a "her." My parents allowed me to play with both cars and barbies. My school had a course on differentiating between gender, sex, sexual orientation, sexual behavior and gender roles. When I encounter someone who does emphasize gender like on the internet, even when I'm not directly talking to them and I'm just reading an article of theirs, I feel a stronger anxious feeling in my stomach. A feeling that someone else is viewing me differently. And that pains me. The thought of leaving my environment someday and possibly getting into an environment like that scares me. Or if someone already does think of me that way, but mostly I can distract myself from those thoughts. I don't really bother with a genderless appearance though. I'm really lazy with my appearance and do the bare minimum for comfort. But there is this slight ease of imagining myself switching between male and female bodies when I want to. I like to imagine this from time to time. I'm satisfied with my body and just imagining it. Maybe I just like the mental perspective than really changing my body. But goddamn, that would be great if I could. I dont really like remembering what my body looks like since it is one sex so often in my head, I imagine a vague mixture of both sex bodies or one at different times. I consider having both feminine and masculine traits and like that. A mix of being logical and warm. And a mix of really "girly" and "maleish" hobbies that I appreciate. (Take some for girly arts and drawing. And for maleish, obsession with several different sciences.) And thinking of the freedom to have that combination is pleasant.
