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So frustrated...

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Spot, May 16, 2017.

  1. Spot

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    I'm hoping this won't turn into a pointless rant but I'm just really frustrated right now. What it all boils down to is people aren't acknowledging my opinions and my experiences as valid. I think that's right, maybe not the best phrasing but it's all I can think to say. It started with my counselor and he knows I'm transgender and everything. So I thought it'd be okay to talk to him about dysphoria but it just totally sucked and quite possibly ruined my entire week.

    He asked what I hated about myself and I said, "Everything," which is true. So he asked what I could do to fix it and I said I couldn't because I'd have to go back in time, before my birth. He asked me what I didn't like about my body in particular but he only let me list three things anyway because he said I was seeing things that weren't really there and I was nitpicking...so I said my hair, my hips and my face. He didn't really seem to get why having long hair was such a big deal to me. Of course he wouldn't, he gets to cut his hair but whatever. Then with my hips, he asked me if I knew why girls had wide hips and I said for child-birthing so he's like, "Lots of girls don't like their hips but you learn to accept it!" And it wouldn't be good if girls had guy hips because they wouldn't be able to birth babies. Which doesn't help me at all. Why would it? I'm never falling pregnant and what he told me was basic sex ed. What really pissed me off was when we were talking about my face. I said it was too round and it'd be better if it was sharper (I mean a squarer jaw since my face is very feminine). And he said, "Really?" And this is where he said I was nitpicking. I'm actually proud of myself here because I said, "Well, that's easy for you to say since you already have a sharp face." Then it went quiet and he said that literally every teenager goes through what I'm going through and I just had to change my thoughts. Again, easy for him to say.

    He also asked me my sexuality, I don't know why. I felt stupid saying I was gay at that point so I said, "Well, I don't like girls!" And he said, "So, you're heterosexual?" I said I didn't know because I didn't feel like arguing and he proceeded to explain what heterosexuality was (lol). Oh and he also said that he thought I didn't want to cut my hair short because it'd scare boys away and make them think I was a lesbian which I don't know, I thought that was pretty funny but it might've been because I was so upset already. I don't want straight guys chasing after me, that's stupid, I'd just have to come out to them anyway.

    Then later on, I was talking to my mom about my friends who are males. She knows I'm not going to prom first of all and secondly, she knows that my friends have dates or girlfriends because I've told her several times. But I had a lot of fun with my friends today and I thought she'd like to hear it since she complains I'm so antisocial. She kept asking if I was dating this one guy because he sounded like a boyfriend (he's my best friend -_-) and I sounded obsessed with him apparently. Then my other friend, she kept asking who he was taking to the prom even though I've told her twice already and she did it with another guy as well. I hate it. They don't see me that way. She doesn't understand because she refuses to understand. She thinks guys and girls cannot be friends under any circumstances, although I'm not a girl anyway but she thinks I am since she likes to ignore my discomfort with my birth sex. She knows I don't date. She knows I'm not going to prom because I don't want to wear the stupid prom dress or go with a straight guy but she still thinks she can change my mind. I don't know what I have to say to make her realize that I'm serious.

    At this point in time, I already feel like every single person I come out to is going to be like this. Is that true? And how do I change my counselor and mom's opinion? Thanks :\
     
  2. silverhalo

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    Hey I think you are justified in feeling frustrated and upset. Rather than changing your therapists opinion is there any way you can change your therapist?
    As for your mum can you look up if there are any PFLAG groups near you maybe she could go to a meeting with you or if not maybe you could get some information to give to your mum from their website for her to read in her own time. It will get better, which I appreciate is easy for me to say but it will.
     
  3. Spot

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    I already asked to change therapists last year from one who was worse to my current one. My mom was reluctant in doing that so I'm not sure if she'd let me change again. I don't know what PFLAG is but maybe I could try. At this point, I'd rather not "cause a scene" so it's probably better to say nothing and just deal with it...