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Gender Identity and Expression A forum for support and advice about figuring out and expressing your gender identity. If you have concerns about coming out, please use the Coming Out Advice forum.

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Old 18th May 2017, 06:29 PM   #1
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The other side of the medal.

Someone who is non-binary please help me accept the part of my gender that is closer to the one assigned at birth. If I was reppressing the other, now I'm repressing this one. I don't know why, maybe because it seems to me that binary trans people have an easier life (?). I don't like the idea of breaking rules, of being queer; I just want to be normal, and binary trans people can go stealth and "look" normal.
I fear, fear my feminine side. What a stupid thing to do. It's like a girl and a man inside me are fighting to blood in order to gain control over my identity. It's so irrational.
I hate this situation. I'm sitting in the darkness.
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Old 19th May 2017, 05:54 PM   #2
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Re: The other side of the medal.

I'm really sorry to hear this is happening to you, and I can empathize completely with you because I've been through it loads of times. For me, I'm mostly masculine, and whenever I do feel feminine, I start hating myself for having a hard time deciding.

I find that writing in a journal or even writing a story helps me get my mind off of it, and I can always torture a character if I'm feeling like crap. If you have supportive friends, I'd try talking to them as well. I have two friends who I can always trust have my back when it comes to trans issues. If you don't have an adequate support network, try building one online at first. Then, once you've judged who might be a good support in real life, go for it. Try different forms of expression by yourself. Experiment with clothing styles. Try making art out of it. Maybe try and find music that you can relate to.

I'm always willing to listen if you need advice or if you just want to rant.
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Old 19th May 2017, 06:31 PM   #3
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Re: The other side of the medal.

non-binary people actually have a harder time and I say that because they're not recognized as much and sometimes they're not even considered as real by their own community and by other people period it is very hard to have a nonbinary side or live as a non-binary person. It is a struggle just like everything else is a struggle for me there has been days I wake up and I just want somebody to say things that would be considered very feminine to me because I feel more feminine period but if that was to happen I would have to deal with the laughter so I hide the fact I'm non-binary not because I'm ashamed but I just don't want to deal with it and you know what sucks transgender people have this option male or female on your ID and for a non-binary person that can become a problem and it sucks when you feel like you're being forced to pick between only two options and for everyone else it seems so easy. I really wish I had this amazing idea of how to help you but I don't because I haven't figured it out myself yet but I can say being yourself is important and just because I might not want to be open about it does not mean you can't
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Old 20th May 2017, 03:00 PM   #4
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Re: The other side of the medal.

I have my male and female sides, but I am so much more comfortable with my female side, even as my male side won't be denied. It's frustrating and at times defeating, and I've fluctuated in various ways since the 1980s, but in the end, it's always female that I WANT to be. But despite being afab, I can never quite go there, not with my other side always waiting in the wings with dysphoric things to say about my femme fripperies.

Right now I'm preparing to try HRT to try to explore my male side, to get to know my guy better. My idea is that maybe if I figure him out, I can find a way to give him enough rope to let me be the girl I really want to be.
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Old 21st May 2017, 01:51 PM   #5
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Re: The other side of the medal.

Thanks all for the support

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and I can always torture a character if I'm feeling like crap
Oh, that's where all those sad unwanted deaths in stories come from… Lol

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I'm always willing to listen if you need advice or if you just want to rant.
Thanks

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things that would be considered very feminine
What do you mean, if I can ask?
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