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Gender Identity and Expression A forum for support and advice about figuring out and expressing your gender identity. If you have concerns about coming out, please use the Coming Out Advice forum.

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Old 18th May 2017, 10:40 PM   #1
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Would you rather have been born cis or accepted as trans?

Would you rather have been born cisgender or be fully accepted and supported as transgender by your family, and society as a whole? The latter would also include HRT and surgeries being free.

Just curious as to what our thoughts are on this.
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Old 19th May 2017, 01:07 AM   #2
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Re: Would you rather have been born cis or accepted as trans?

I'd rather be born cis because then I would've had a fully-functional male body and I would've achieved it without painful surgeries either. Plus, I wouldn't have had to come out, have people question whether or not I was truly male and I wouldn't have to live part of my life as female.
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Old 19th May 2017, 01:14 AM   #3
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Re: Would you rather have been born cis or accepted as trans?

I wouldn't be the same person if I was born different, so the question doesn't make sense to me.
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Old 19th May 2017, 01:37 AM   #4
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Re: Would you rather have been born cis or accepted as trans?

I guess my position is pretty privileged. I'm accepted by everyone I'm out to, like parents and friends and I'm now stealth, so most of my new friends don't even know I'm trans. (I moved to a new city after starting my transition so the chances of being outed are small.) Society as a whole? I mean this country still has a long way to go but it's definitely not the worst place to be to transition. HRT and surgeries are most likely going to be free. I only pay 10 euros (around 12 dollars) every three months for my T shots.

Yet I still would prefer to simply have been born cis. I see being trans more as a medical condition, not something that is necessarily part of my identity. Sure, it shaped me into the person I am today, but would have preferred to not make some of the experiences I've made.
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Old 19th May 2017, 01:57 AM   #5
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Re: Would you rather have been born cis or accepted as trans?

This is a tough question for me. I have had zero negative interactions based on me being trans besides my fiancee and mother taking a little time to adjust, and after being on T for nearly eight months I pass 99% of the times with strangers. So I have passing privilege for the most part and as of yet have not really experienced any negativity towards being trans. Yet I kind of hate being treated different or like I am "special". And with people I have known in the past I still have to put up with the occasional misgendering which is humiliating to say the least. I'm terrified of going to the doctor and pretty much refuse to do so. I can't swim in public, my sex life is conflicted, and I have to jump through legal hoops on the regular. I have to put a lot more effort into just being myself than cis people, and I am terrified of surgery, yet I definitely want these tits removed and probably metoidioplasty in the future. Definitely a hysto and yet I'm pretty concerned about the complications. It's not fair that I have to do all these things that a cis man would never even think about. Yet, I really don't think I would be the same person if I was born cis and I'm not sure if I would change that because I can't even imagine how my life would be different.

I'd say I'd slightly prefer to have been cis, but barely. And mostly for sexual reasons tbh.
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Old 19th May 2017, 02:10 AM   #6
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Re: Would you rather have been born cis or accepted as trans?

Yeah--I'd rather be born cis, regardless of gender. It would have spared me a lot of suffering.

But this is the hand I was dealt and I'm playing it. And I'm actually in the situation of your second example. I live in Sweden where all the transition stuff is free and all my friends and family are supportive. Relatively speaking, I've got it pretty good when compared to the vast majority of transpeople and I'm very, very thankful for that.
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Old 19th May 2017, 02:35 AM   #7
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Re: Would you rather have been born cis or accepted as trans?

Yeah if you're driven to transition then it is better to not have to go through it, definitely. If you don't care for it, being trans becomes more of a "thing that just is". For me it's as if you asked me if I would have preferred to have been born and raised in different circumstances, such as place geographically speaking, time, in a different town/city, in a different economical position, be native of a different language, be raised in a different mindset, religion, in a different family, have different mental qualities /possibilities... gender is just like everything else. Man, i don't know that and I have no possiblity to know or way to judge that. Maybe life would be easier if I didn't have to bother? But I can't judge what is right or wrong here, and it has given me insight I wouldn't have gained otherwise. Also everyone has some struggles... I just don't believe that if they rolled the dice once again and poof I'm born as someone else, that would be a better or worse life, just different... with a different set of problems.
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Old 19th May 2017, 07:03 AM   #8
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Re: Would you rather have been born cis or accepted as trans?

honestly, I would rather be born as a cis female.
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Old 19th May 2017, 07:30 AM   #9
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Re: Would you rather have been born cis or accepted as trans?

I would rather be accepted all trans fully. I would rather the whole world get taught about trans better.. for everyone to understand it more. So many people get mislead, but that doesn't mean I am going to crack under the pressure of wanting to be cis.. Being trans had become a part of my identity.. It has become part of who I am.. If I was born cis.. Would I be better off? I'll never know, but I like the me that is here now, so I'd rather that people accept me as me, and that is trans me.
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Old 19th May 2017, 01:29 PM   #10
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Re: Would you rather have been born cis or accepted as trans?

I'd have preferred to be born cis. It would have saved me from a lot of pain and confusion in life. I would have grown up "normally" without losing that precious time.
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Old 19th May 2017, 02:06 PM   #11
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Re: Would you rather have been born cis or accepted as trans?

Being cis would be less traumatic and stressful for me, and I'd take that over being trans.
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Old 19th May 2017, 06:11 PM   #12
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Re: Would you rather have been born cis or accepted as trans?

The majority of people I think would probably keep being transgender because of the positivity they could bring to the world. and that's not a bad choice but I feel like I've always kind of been an outcast I just never really wanted to admit how badly I was Outkast according to society. Because I would take the other option I miss being able to hang out with my friends who are not transgender and not have to constantly be aware that some of them truly don't see me as who I am. Although I am very lucky that some of them do. But that isn't the only reason I love the LGBT community and I love helping people don't get me wrong but I'm better at helping people individually instead of in large groups. as much as I do enjoy being around this community they are things about it that I completely disagree on with most people inside of it and speaking anything about that I'm automatically wrong it doesn't seem like people are very accepting with different opinions as much as people say they are which is heartbreaking because you would think with all right. Says which is heartbreaking because you would think with all right. Says we which is heartbreaking because you would think with all right. Says we would be which is heartbreaking because you would think with all right. Says we would be which is heartbreaking because you would think with the experiences we have that we would be but many times when a person says I'm open-minded or I don't take sides is the biggest sign that they normally do. I wish I could say otherwise but I have not seen any type of evidence saying otherwise no matter who I come acrossed. I find that my friends that are not transgender are in some ways Troublesome in other ways the greatest friend I've ever had and I never feel like I have to be on edge as often as I always seem to be nowadays. Maybe it's not all related to being transgender and I'm sure I made this out to sound like it this community is absolutely awful and it's why I don't ever want to be around them but that is not true because everything has its goods and it's bad. And I'm one person who just for some reason feels like I should have been born who I was because for me it would cause a lot more less stress and I wish so much that I had that I have way too much in my life that outweighs this as a struggle at least in my own personal life that I just wish it was much easier than it had been. In some ways I'm sure I'm being ignorant and not considerate but nobody can say they haven't had those days themselves
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Old 19th May 2017, 09:25 PM   #13
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Re: Would you rather have been born cis or accepted as trans?

Accepted as trans. Definitely.

My perspectives would probably be too different if I were born a cis-male. There are certain insights I've only gained because of my circumstances. I wish I could be taller and more guy-shaped, definitely, but if that meant being born cis and missing out on some of my personality defining experiences...I think I'll take the needles and knives.

Maybe I'd feel differently if I had more dysphoria over my physical sex bits though. I'm pretty comfortable with what I've got in those regards, it's just the rest of the deal that bothers me. If I could be in all other respects physically male, but have a vagina, I think I would be alright with that.
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Old 19th May 2017, 09:35 PM   #14
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Re: Would you rather have been born cis or accepted as trans?

I definitely would've rather been born cis. Being trans doesn't really have any positives for me, it's just made my life harder. Even if I was accepted by everyone as trans, I still would have to deal with dysphoria, and other stuff like that. Honestly, I'm not one of those people who is super "out and proud" about their identity, so I'd much rather be cis.
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Old 20th May 2017, 02:55 PM   #15
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Re: Would you rather have been born cis or accepted as trans?

I would MUCH rather be born cis. Why the hell would anyone want to go through HRT and surgery if they don't have to?
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Old 20th May 2017, 05:53 PM   #16
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Re: Would you rather have been born cis or accepted as trans?

I wouldn't be the same person if I had been born cis, but then again I'm not too excited about who I am now...so I guess I'd go with cis.
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Old 21st May 2017, 12:33 AM   #17
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Re: Would you rather have been born cis or accepted as trans?

Is think I'd probably prefer to be a cis teen boy, but providing I still got to keep my bf and my personality stayed the same
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Old 21st May 2017, 11:24 AM   #18
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Re: Would you rather have been born cis or accepted as trans?

I'd rather be born cis. I am accepted as trans to the people that know, apart from extended family, and I'm stealth to everyone that I've met since I came out. They're two completely different questions. Being accepted as trans doesn't even apply to me now because my trans identity barely comes up anymore, I'm just a guy. A guy with dysphoria about having the wrong parts. So yeah I'd definitely go with being born cis and not having to deal with dysphoria.
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Old 22nd May 2017, 08:15 AM   #19
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Re: Would you rather have been born cis or accepted as trans?

I would probably rather I'd been born a cis male. All the time I'm spending being called "she" feels like such a waste, and, sure, HRT and surgery can do a lot to help but nothing could help me quite like being a fully functioning male would. Heck, I wouldn't need any "help", not with gender stuff anyway.
Also, since personality changes seem to be a common subject with these types of questions, I feel like my personality would be better if I was a cis guy; it could mean being a lot less informed on, like, LGBT stuff and such (which would be kinda unfortunate for others' sake... Although i'm maybe kinda bi as well so maybe id explore the community through that instead...) but I'd probably be a lot more cheerful and less monotone... or, at least, I like to think I would be.
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Old 22nd May 2017, 08:18 AM   #20
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Re: Would you rather have been born cis or accepted as trans?

In the past I'd have said "accepted as trans" but now I just want to be born cis. It would make everything so much easier.
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