Sorry for the drama below. -- I've cut my hair too much. Even my guy side is an androgynous guy with long/medium hair (just look at the profile pic xD). But I've been cutting it more and more this year in order to experiment and to "compensate for the body". But now I've gone too far. And I'm not even good at styling it: I look like a mad scientist or a chicken. I'm not a masculine woman; I'm not that masculine, I'm not a woman. I might be a masculine androgyne or an effeminate (half)man, or just a genderfucked-blob-whatever, I don't know. This haircut is too masculine, and it also makes me look like a 15 old boy. With breasts. Or a butch. If I could choose, I would have medium hair, masculine male body, men's clothes, I would bind and have a deep voice; now I'm the opposite: short hair, fem… [that] body, [at least I have men's clothes], breasts [I'm not out and don't own a binder], curves, high voice. Also I feel a bit of shame because I'm not out but finally have that "trans vibe", you know… I say "finally" because before I used to pretend with myself that I was not treated like a woman and when people did something as if I were a woman, no matter how my mannerism/behaviour was, it was a sudden cold shower. Now that my appearance can drop hints, I'm suddenly ashamed: why? What a mess. One positive thing at least: my voice dysphoria paused. Mind is strange. So, hmm. Let's think positive. Let's see if casual people will treat me differently, hoping that it won't bee too awkward.
Okay, I'm a little confused so correct me if I'm Wrong I think you're saying you're un comfortable because you cut your hair too short. Could you do me a favor and explain the other part I don't think I completely grasp what you're trying to say and I don't want to give the wrong kind of advice
Oh, uhm... well. Yes, I'm uncomfortable because it's too short and too masculine and it makes me look 15. I've been cutting it in order to "express the guy side", but actually this guy is more androgynous than masculine. Also now someone who sees me might wonder if I'm not a woman. Being treated like a woman disappointed me in the past, but looking cis was a comfort zone. I hope I explained. :/ Something else you don't understand?
So, even though you want to express your masculine side, you feel exposed now because you don't have that feminine buffer to fall upon. Right? Haircuts can be disappointing, and I know the "chicken look." The plus side is that women wear many more radical hairstyles than the one you are describing, so you may still be able to pass as androgynous, even if your masculine side is a bit prominent at the moment (even though you prefer longer hair.) As for feeling uncomfortable, maybe try wearing a hat? I know it may sound stupid, but maybe it will help you forget about your hair a bit. Just a thought. Sebby45
