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Genderfluid male, Should I transition?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by tomboyprettyboy, May 23, 2017.

  1. tomboyprettyboy

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    so, in the past two years I used to identify as genderfluid, but the past summer, I tried to feel more comfortable as a feminine guy and at some point I even reached androgyny which always makes me happy, when people ask me "are you male or female?" I get hyped up, if you ask me I think I currently love more looking androgynous then totally female, even tho I do like to look like a girl, and for being a boy I like to look like one, but usually a cute one,I think I could even remove my beard once for all... I love to wear "pretty boy" styles, I like being flat chested and kind of short haired, let's say I like to look so pretty that I fuck up gender stereotipes. Now, of course a genderfluid person may change their outfits and dress more masculine or femine depending on how they feel, the fact that my body is really androgynous could even allow me to pass as who I want, but in the end... I can only have one thing between my legs... I don't hate having a penis, if I was to choose wheter to have a penis or have nothing between my legs I would stick with having a penis, but if I'm wearing something that makes a bulge clear I feel dysphoric (?) or anyway I don't like making clear what is between my legs, even tho when someone asks me if I'm male or female I reply male, now, I'm adopting an androgynous style and it's normal to make secondary sex traits less evident, so it could be dysphoria or just a yearning for a totally androgynous aesthetic, also I identify more as Androgynous but I think "genderfluid" is a proper lable to me and represents the best the gender expression I would like to achieve.
    the problem is that even if I can look like both I have to live mainly as one, so I am willing to either live as a feminine guy or a tomboy, I really can't pinpoint which one is the most suitable for me, when I look at tomboys and some girls I feel like I want to look like them, but also when I look at some asian boys (genderless men, bishonen, visual kei musicians, kpop stars). Sometimes I see androgynous boys who have transitioned to female and I'm like "I think I'm on the same boat..." then I see ftm prettyboys and I'm like "wait, who the hell do I want to be again?" I like the whole "being a guy in a skirt" thing but I'm scared that with aging my body will get too masculine and I will feel dysphoric but at the same time I'm scared to transition and not feel like a woman or regret SRS.
    Also if I imagine myself with a female body I don't get turned on but I have lesbian fantasies... and if I imagine myself with a body that is too feminine I feel dysphoric, one time I tried fake cup C breasts and I felt badly, I had to remove them and I felt really comfortable being flat chested in that dress, I also had to cover up the bulge, maybe if I was female I would identify as non binary and go for breast reduction...
    Should I transition? Is it worth to get SRS and try to have a almost flat chest?
    I know some people transition to get where I am right now, being a cute boy that looks good in dresses and sometimes like a girl
    I also feel scared to loose what I have right now, even tho I don't go out in feminine clothing in public, if I have to go out in totally feminine clothing I prefer to pass as female, and I don't dress that much feminine even at home since my parents aren't accepting and I can't buy stuff that is too feminine
     
  2. Foxfeather

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    As an AFAB who isn't planning on taking hormones and is -seriously- considering top surgery, I would say listen to your heart and try not to worry about it too much. Over time, your gender identity will become clearer and you'll know what sounds and feels right on your body.

    I know that a lot of people will perceive me to be a mentally ill lesbian without breasts if I do top surgery without hormones, but the bottom line is, i want to own my masculinity in my own way. I don't want to be on testosterone for life. I don't want everything that men have, including balding and beards.

    And that doesn't make me any less a man or any less valid, no matter what they say.

    Just know that you're not alone in this struggle between two genders. Trust yourself. You'll make the right choice when the time comes.
     
  3. tomboyprettyboy

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    Thank you again... you are so charming