Uncertain about being trans. Advice please.

This is probably the most open I've ever been anywhere, so here I go:
I've always kind of liked dressing in women's clothes, done it since I was a little kid, though I've always been very secretive about it. I remember that I did sometimes wish I was a woman. With puberty the whole deal changed. Dressing up became something sexual (and it still sometimes is) and it stayed that way for quite a while. Then, I did not wish to become a woman, though I sometimes thought how awesome it would be to have the body of one. Also I was really looking forward to the day that I would be able to live alone and really work on being passable, but it was always a sex thingy for me, especially when I first realized I like guys as well as girls.
Lately (and I mean really lately), this whole thing has changed. I guess it sort of started when I got to spend a day in school, dressed as a woman, as we were having a gender-reversal themed day (which is usual practice for the seniors at our school). Naturally, being as closed and secretive as I've always been, I "had to be talked into it" by my sister. I really enjoyed the day and I love it to be actually told they'd think I was a girl if they didn't know or how feminine I looked (overheard that last one) and for the first time in a while I just felt comfortable and truly liked how I looked as a whole (though there is room for improvement).
But I really got into thinking about wether I am transgender after I read a comic (Alters, great story, great characters, great artwork, great everything) about a young transwoman. I was/am quite a bit jealous of her (holy shit, that sounds pathetic) and not because she had superpowers (though that would be awesome as well), but rather because she posseses a certain confidence... Blah blah blah...
At this point I got totally lost while writing and didn't know how to continue (mainly because it sounds pathetic, why would anyone be jealous of such a complicated life (superpowers cast aside)) so I am just gonna continue another way.
Anyways..., I really started to feel like most of my body was wrong (I hate my size now, I am 6 feet tall and I hate it!) and started to inform myself about the topic of transgenderism (or whatever it is called), including about hormones and how to be eligible for them.
But I am just not sure. I've never really had any female friends (in fact I've never had too many friends, but that's something else entirely) and I'm almost sure that I'd like to keep my penis. Also I am sort of good at hiding all this, to an extent, where I'm not even sure wether I really want to be female. Besides, I defintiely don't want to miss any evenings on which the men of my family would have a couple of beers together (they just happen, it's not like we specifically say no women allowed).
I've thought about the possibilty of being genderfluid, but that doesn't really work for me either. Sorry if I might offend anyone and please go on being genderfluid and happy, I don't mind, but I just don't want to be genderfluid or anything. It seems like it would be really hard to keep a job that way (just one of the reasons).
So I did some research and one of the first thing I found was the idea to think about the pronouns I want to be referred with. Seems forward enough, but my problem is that I don't really care. Call me Mister, Madam, he or she, I don't give a damn (but I would probably feel pretty stupid if someone called me Mister when I am trying to pass as a woman without that person having been told before that my sex is technically still male).
I also got into online tests (because who deosn't want to know what pizza one would be?), given that they just semt so convenient. Well, most of them were bs. I found only one that seemed professional enough (Cogiati) but it wasn't exactly entirely helpful. It told me that I was most likely transgender and recommended me to do things like talk to a psychiatrist, spend some time as a woman, etcetera.
Thing is, I can hardly talk to anyone about it (honestly, I almost stopped writing this like four times by now). Last time I had a psychiatrist (though that was about something else), I lied to him because I didn't want to talk about my problems. I'd like to try and spend some time as a woman, but that would require sharing this whole deal with my family and, as I've said, I have my problems with sharing problems (also I am afraid of rejection, even though my family (my parents and siblings at least, not quite so sure about my grandparents) is very liberal and some of our best family-friends are part of the LGBTQ community). Also I simply don't have the money to finance such an experiment, as I am still months away from starting at my job.
Plus, I'm not really the most confident person and I think it would kill me if someone realized I am technically still of male sex (again, don't want to offend anyone, just don't know how else to put it, you know what I mean), while I was trying to pass as a woman.

Now I think I covered anything. I'd be grateful for any advice, wether it's other ways on how to be sure, ways on how to out myself or whatever.
Thank you in advance.