I don't know if this belongs here, I suppose it does since it's about my gender in a way. I used to be religious a long time ago. I come from a Catholic family but they taught Christianity at school, I always thought they were the same growing up so I don't know what you'd call me. It was from about eight years old, when I really became aware of what people meant when they talked about God and the Bible. Then it lasted until I was fourteen, by then I was well...suffering; depression, gender dysphoria, anxiety, disordered eating, suicidal thoughts and bullying. My faith was beginning to die out and eventually, it disappeared completely. That was for a little over two years. My brain was totally riddled with dysphoric thoughts and it wasn't always miserable but it was pretty crappy. While typing this, I have one particular memory in mind. It's from when I was fourteen and I was 14, an atheist/agnostic-ish. I was arguing with a woman in her 60s who looked and talked like she was straight out of the WBC. I was arguing that God made people to be transgender. She told me that God made men and women, God didn't make "its", that the dysphoria I experienced came from the devil speaking to my heart and mind and that God created me to be a woman, that he knew me in the womb (knitted together in the womb, that could still be used to support my theory :S). This was two years ago and by then, I'd lost all connection that I felt with God. Recently, my dysphoria hasn't been so bad to be honest. Obviously it's still there but it's almost...tolerable? Almost. And I'm sure this is a passing thing, the typical ebb and flow...but the thing is, I'd been feeling more and more drawn back to religion until last night when that connection totally hit me again and I felt what I'd been missing after all these years. And there is something worrying me because the years I was an atheist were the years I really struggled with dysphoria. I still have it but since it's currently easing up a little, I'm finding that connection again. I hope you can see where I'm going with this. I'm worried that that sad WBC woman was right and it really was all in my head, that I am going against God by trying to transition and my dysphoria is some...product of evil. I mean, I'm really struggling with the fact that I was born female and the feeling that there must be some kind of purpose behind that, you know? And that I'm throwing it all away. I'm feeling extremely disheartened right now...but she wasn't right, was she?
She wasn't. You rejected Church because of its teaching that you must be evil for feeling dysphoric. Been there, done that.
That woman was not right. Religion first should understand that we are not just our body, our flesh, but something more. Never, never allow someone put theirself between you and God, because you as a human "have the right" to experience God as any other human. Remember Matthew 23, 13: "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to."
Colin, I'm so sorry that you did not find much grace or compassion during your engagements with people who claimed to be Christian. But you really need to understand something very important: God LOVES you! You are a sinner just like everybody else, but God loved you enough to step down into the world He created as Jesus Christ and pay the penalty for your sins. This way, if you trust in Jesus with your life, you are saved for all eternity and will enjoy a deep friendship with God himself. So you are a masterpiece in His eyes, and nothing can change that. I can speak from personal experience that maintaining a relationship with Him is the MOST IMPORTANT thing in life. It trumps everything else hands down. So just know that He loves you and is there for you whenever you need him. You are definitely not an "it" to God, my friend. That women was not speaking in a way that honored Christ when she dehumanized you with that term. As a footnote, I would also add that Westboro Baptist Church is NOT an actual church. It is a hate group masquerading as a church, and they are doing a grievous amount of damage to the cause of Christ. So don't think their ways in any way resemble true Christianity. God does not make mistakes. He made you for a reason, and He has an incredible plan in store for your life. I would urge you to seek Him and let Him guide you into the unknown ahead of you. There really is no better Guide.
I really dislike how i cannot link to youtube on this website because the things i could give you could help. So instead of linking let me hope you can find on your own if you want a video called "The thinking atheist" He allowed a podcast on his radio with transgender people and it may help you in your situation. I highly suggest to go and take a look at this it covered our struggles and religion in one video.
Hi Colin It’s okay to feel confusion over your religion and your gender identity. A lot of people experience that, including myself. I’m a Catholic as well and sometimes feel guilty that, when I embrace my femininity (I’m AMAB), I’m somehow not living up to my calling as a disciple. But the most important thing to remember is that we are all made in the image and likeness of God and, because of that, ALL people have inherent human dignity whether they are black, white, Christian, atheist, cis, LGBT, etc. Even the evil people, the murders and terrorists, are children of God, despite the horrible atrocities they commit. A wise Franciscan friar once told me that it’s not true that God can do anything. He said there is one thing God can’t do – and that is stop loving each and every one of us. To do so would deny his very nature because God’s essence is Love. The other thing you have to realize is that, just as we experience confusion and frustration over our situation, the Church experiences these same issues. It’s constantly trying to find the balance between truth and mercy, between love and justice and it doesn’t always succeed. It’s also very slow and deliberate in its actions. It’s only just now beginning to really study the issue of homosexuality and you will often hear conflicting statements on the issue (even official statements). It hasn’t yet begun to explore issues of gender identity with any real seriousness, but I hope it does. If having a connection with your religion lessens your dysphoria then great - who wants dysphoria?! Don’t let vitriolic comments get you down. Don’t obsess or focus on evil or the devil – focus on God and yourself and you’ll be okay. And take things slowly. You’re only 16 and still developing physically, emotionally and mentally.
