Been questioning for over 3 years. I have to get to the bottom of this.

I am 17 and AFAB, and I have been questioning my gender for over 3 years. And I'm fucking sick of it. I can not take this any more and it is exhausting me day after day.
I just want to be happy with myself. I just don't know how to get there.
I don't have the money to pursue ongoing counselling with a gender therapist.
I'm obsessing over who I want to be seen as, if I need to change my body, or if I need to change how I VIEW my body instead.
Do I want a male body or was I raised to be uncomfortable with having a female body?
These are all questions just swirling around in my head.

I think I just desperately need to find out if I need to physically transition or not, because that's what's making this so difficult. I keep thinking, "I don't strongly yearn for a male body, and I can't be sure that I'd even be happy with having a male body, but what if it actually is the solution to this and I just don't know it?". The idea of having a penis is somewhat appealing but there's also the very real possibility that it would not feel right on me. I don't feel very comfortable with my female genitals, but I don't know how I would feel with male genitals. I might like it, I might not.
I don't like my breasts and do wish I had a flatter chest, but I am not seriously considering surgery because I think it's very possible that in a few years, I might come to like them. Hell, I DID used to like my breasts and looked forward to having them when I was younger.
I wish I had a more androgynous figure. I'm jealous of how "men's" clothing fits on my older brother.
I don't know what gender I want to be seen as, if any.
I don't know if I would take testosterone or not.
Occasionally I want to be seen as a guy, especially if I'm WITH other guys, but then other times, it feels a bit uncomfortable if a stranger thinks I am a guy (I look fairly masculine and have a deep voice). I can't tell if that's because I'm afraid of them realizing I'm female, or if it's truly not who I am.
I should make it clear that I never questioned being a girl and never felt uncomfortable being called a girl. I have always connected with female characters in tv shows/movies etc. (especially tomboyish females) I always looked forward to puberty and was excited when I got to wear my first bra because it made my boobs look bigger.
When I was 13 and a half, around the time I first got my period, I started to feel bitter about being a woman and all the things that women have to deal with. Shortly after, the whole gender questioning came up, I was wondering whether I wanted to be a guy, and I thought, maybe. My brother asked if I wanted to transition, and once again, I was unsure. "I don't know, maybe."
What's peculiar is that the issue eventually left my mind and I was comfortable with being a girl again. I didn't force the thoughts out, neither did anyone else - they just left.
I did see a gender therapist for an assessment recently and her conclusion was that I am not a trans guy, which was a relief to hear, but then I became concerned that I had missed out some information in the session and was worried that that could've skewed the results.
I have spoken multiple times to my previous psychologist, my GP, and my FtM friend, and none of them think that I am a trans guy. But despite them telling me this, I CAN'T GET IT OUT OF MY MIND. I don't WANT to be transgender. A small part of me does because of the possibility that it could make me happy with myself. Part of me wants to be a guy, but part of me doesn't. Holy fuck I just need to get this sorted out.
Two things: I don't necessarily agree with the phrase "cis people don't question their gender for this long" because although that might be true in a lot of cases, someone could be questioning their gender due to unrelated issues, and saying that to them could be detrimental. Secondly, I know I sound like someone who is non-binary, and maybe that's true, but that doesn't offer any solutions. All it tells me is that I'm doomed to always be uncomfortable with myself because, unlike a binary trans person who can undergo physical transition to have the body of their desired sex, what the fuck is a non-binary trans person supposed to do? Barbie themselves?

I also just want to clarify that although you can tell I'm very frustrated, I really don't mean to cause offense to anyone and I apologize if I have.

How can I tell if I would benefit from having a male body? Or how can I tell if it's just self image/upbringing/societal influences making me feel this way about my body? I really appreciate any input.

 

It's honestly hard to tell. I don't like them, but I'm not sure if I feel that they shouldn't be there. I'm sorry that I can't answer your question any better - I'm really not sure.