Struggling with Gender Identity...

I'd say just spend some time thinking about yourself and who you honestly are. Try to ignore what you're told to be and just spend time thinking, in the perfect world, who or what would you be?
If you love who you are then maybe you dont need to say anything to anyone, just keep being yourself. If you feel that you need to hide things from people and you really hate having to lie to others about how you feel, then say something when you're ready and really know yourself.
No one ever said anyone HAD to define themselves as anything. You can just BE, and that's a great part of life!

 

:smilewave

I am struggling with the same issue. It got quite bad this past summer. I finally decided to quit fighting it and run with it. So far I have managed to find a place that I am content. There haven't been many external changes, mostly just acknowledging and accepting these feelings.

I don't know what will happen in the future, but I'll just have to cross that bridge when I get there.

 

There are quite a few trans people who don't modify their body at all, of do so to different degrees. I've known one (FTM) that didn't do anything but dress differently (and get somewhat peeved if you accidentally called him "she" ) for years.

I also suggest you listen to what Tswyter has to say. The only reason I was able to bring myself to identify as bi was because I was able to see and ignore some of the prejudices that I had applied to myself and could finally start being who I really was. In my case, it was the occasional feelings toward the same sex that I had been all "ick, that's gay" about. In your case, it's your feelings about your true gender - I'm sure all the negative stereotypes of trans people are all you can think of.

It's good that you were finally able to admit this about yourself. I suggest you mill it around and consider what life would be like, consider how far you would be willing to go and put some serious thought into it. Once you become comfortable with the concept, then you can make your decision.

EDIT: Also, you say the word "envison". This indicated that this is you repeating what others think. How do you feel when you think about what your true gender might be?

 

Ive been struggling with the exact same thing, but reversed roles.

It got really extreme at a few points, but like you ive always felt more....both...or genderless...or neutral...or however you want to put it. Never really felt like a "man" even though freaking everyone trys to convince me i am. It really bugs me when people say phrases like "man up" or "wear the pants" or anything masculine like that. On the other side of things, i feel tingly inside when referred to as a girl in any way shape or form, even though im not outwardly feminine. I just feel like i have a more neutral leaning towards feminine way about me.

I came to a few comforting conclusions though:

Maybe my gender isnt the thing that needs changing, maybe its how i perceive it. I never felt like a man because i was not masculine, but i have come to a weird crossroads now where i feel like a feminine man. Still a man in every way of the sense, because my definition of "man" has changed. I dont need to be what other men are, i dont need to measure up on some scale of manliness. I can be my campy, feminine, emotional self and thats fine.

I think that might be you too. I dont feel like i was born into the wrong body, i feel like i was born with an off-beat brain. If you dont want a penis, that might be a good clue its not transgender your going through. I know i dont want a vagina, in this life or any here after

 

Gender Identity is a spectrum: on either end of the spectrum you have male and female, and in the middle you have people who identify as "Gender Variant", "Genderqueer", and so forth.

A man at my school identifies as mostly male, while he is biologically female. He still has breasts and all the female "plumbing", but he as short hair like a man and always wears pants. He did change his name to a more gender-neutral nickname, but other than that he doesn't do much except dress differently than a "woman" would. Similarly, I don't think you have to change anything about yourself, especially if you don't want to. Just explore how you feel and see how it goes, I guess.

 

Welcome to Genderqueer. I know exactly what you're talking about. You sort of feel like you'd be comfortable living as either gender if it was already your natural one, but you feel no overriding urge to actually change genders. Most people who are at this point in the gender spectrum will feel anxiety about it. They're afraid that they will never be comfortable being their biological sex fully, and they're even more afraid of taking steps toward the other gender and finding out they were wrong.

The trick to overcoming this anxiety is to realize that you've actually reached something of a balance point that most people don't get the luxury of having. I use luxury here both to boost your esteem, and also because in some ways it really is a blessing. Genderqueer people tend to understand gender-specific issues for either sex without bias. We are much less likely to be misogynistic or sexist due to our affinity for either end of the gender spectrum. We also aren't confined to the strict gender norms that most other people live by. This simply means that androgyny should be embraced.

The fear that Genderqueer folks have usually stems from a feeling of being out at sea without an anchor, so to speak. Without a gender constant to rally toward, it's easy to feel like you can't fit into either end of the spectrum. And this dichotomy makes the idea of deciding upon a gender permanently attractive, but only in so much as to get this anxiety out of the way once and for all. However, I don't recommend sexual reassignment in the case of Genderqueer people because it's often found that they aren't much happier once they've transitioned. Transsexuals generally feel to their very bones that they are in the wrong body. Genderqueer feel like a blend of both.

Embrace being in the middle of the spectrum. I like the term gender-flexible. There are plenty of people even on EC who identify in some way as gender-variant, so you're certainly not alone.

 

Wow.... I completely know what you're going through.

It took me literally years to even want to start wearing a bra. Even now, I can't wear something that shows even the tiniest bit of cleavage without feeling incredibly uncomfortable. I hate tight clothing, and I've noticed that I feel SO much more comfortable and self-confident when I'm wearing, well, boy's clothes. The other day, my guy friend was looking at a photo of me and teasingly remarked, "You look like a boy," and I suddenly realized that getting a comment like that made me feel, well, good. And then I realized that normally if someone says I look "pretty", I end up blushing and fidgeting, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

But the weird thing is, I don't want to physically change genders. To put it bluntly, I like having boobs and a vagina. And I've never been able to think of myself as a man. But the way I actually identify myself feels really different. Like, as you guys have said, I feel like I'm a mix of a boy and a girl. I'm okay with being a girl physically and emotionally, but mentally I feel like some weird hybrid between the sexes. And it changes a lot. Some days I feel girly as can be. Other days (which have become more and more often lately) I feel like a boy. I want to look like a boy. I want to be considered a boy. It's so freaking confusing.

But I don't know how I'd explain this to anyone, you know? How am I supposed to go to my parents and tell them that I don't even know what my gender is? That I'd rather shop in the men's clothing section than the women's? That I love looking and acting like a boy? And yet that I don't actually want a physical sex change? They would never understand. So here I am, wearing clothes I'm not comfortable in, as my mother constantly tells me how "gorgeous" I am and my father goes on and on about how he doesn't believe in transgendered people because "God made them physically male or female for a reason."

Ugh...it's so confusing. And I'm sure this rant didn't help at all, considering I didn't give you any actual advice because I'm in the same boat. But it does help to be aware that you're not the only one, y'know?

 

I actually never knew so many of us on EC felt this way...

Now im about to start crying, because i was feeling so...fucking...alone. But im actually not. So many of you out there know what im going through, and i you (*hug*) Im just so damn happy to know that its not just me, heh.

Astaroth, Thank you (*hug*) That was a great post. Genderqueer, huh? Thats a good word for it for sure. Im going to run with it. And your post was very beautifully worded, thank you. It helps.

To everyone else, (*hug*) I love you all too! PM me if you want to talk more and swap stories about feeling like a hot mess of gender.

 

A hot mess of gender. I like that term, Greg.
I'll just add that I feel that way sometimes as well. I'm completely happy as a girl, but I've imagined what it'd be like to be a guy and it'd be cool. I'd never actually change genders, but I feel very masculine sometimes.
At the same time, I also feel very feminine sometimes.
It's a tad confusing, but I just go with the flow.
Yay for slight Genderqueerness! <3

 

Ditto! That's pretty much exactly how I am too.

 

Wow! so many people feel just like me :]

I didn't want to wear bras either and when I saw breasts forming I freaked out, I remember trying to pull my shirt flat over them, hoping they would just disappear >_>

ugh and I still can't stand them though, I was always thinking of a sex change but I'll probably never go as far as changing reproductive organs, heh

and I as well as some of you ECers am also quite comfortable with people mistaking me for a boy whether it's for my voice or how I dress and look, but when people call me "pretty" I spazz out :bang:

 

Awwww (*hug*) I felt really alone about this for a long time too. I only came to terms with it after talking to MoniqueMassacre about it (haven't seen her in ages) and came to realize we were both feeling the same way.

Yay for all of us GQs!

 

Hah *has an urge to make a "No boys or girls Allowed" sign for the proverbial EC Genderqueer treehouse*

 

Can me and some of my girlier attributes come hang with you guys if I bring a two-four of Molsons?

 

The more the merrier! Hrm, I wonder what the sign on our GQ bathroom would be?

 

We should also include a half-man half-goat on our bathroom sign, just to be even more inclusive.

 

Lol, species-variant?

 

A picture of the world's most fabulous toilet

Damn right