I have recently started hanging out with/ meeting some people who are 'genderqueer' (i hope that's the right word). They are really cool people, but I'm feeling a bit dumb because the whole gender identity thing is new to me. Like, eg I've met this one guy who (from what I can gather) was previously female. He was telling me about getting chest surgery. I met another guy who seemed to me to be physically female ie I assume hadn't done anything in terms of transitioning. I don't have specific questions really. I am just wanting to know a bit more about how all this works so I can feel less dumb with these people! I know that sexuality is separate to gender identity, so I don't suppose you can know who people are interested in without asking. I suppose I'm wondering what's ok or not ok to ask/talk about. I really like these guys and feel very 'at home' with them, so I don't want to be a twit! Any info/links would be appreciated.
The first guy is transsexual, methinks. The top surgery comment anyway makes me think that. I can't figure out how you mean to the second. How sexuality =/= gender identity is pretty simple. You're gay (read profile), but you don't see yourself as male. Fair statement? If the two were connected you'd either be a straight male, or straight female. Easy enough to understand? Questions not to ask depend on the person and how open they are about it. Generally safe to assume that you shouldn't ask about whats below the belt (it doesn't matter what's there anyway, but still that falls into 'rude') or anything along the lines of "you are/were a cute girl" It would help to have a little more info on what you want to know
Maybe you could just start with being really friendly with them and tell them, aww I really like hanging out with you guys, I feel really comfortable or I feel like I have known you for ages and then once you have known them for a while you will probably just get a feel for how open they are about these things. From what you have said if the first person was talking about how they got chest surgery then they are probably quite open about it and if they bring up a subject like that you could perhaps say oh I would love to hear more about the process you went through. Or something like that.
Just a little tidbit that a lot of people find confusing... You can be both transexual and gay. A FTM post-op transexual person i know through an acquaintance is living as a gay man with a long term partner.
I knew a MTF woman that was married when she was a man. She is still legally married to her wife but now they are both straight women. They stayed together for their children and for economic reasons.
Your gender identity is what gender you identify as. Some people feel such a disparity between their physical characteristics and their internal sense of self that they undergo various surgeries or treatments to feel better aligned. Not all trans people undergo surgery, some people do not really have a desire to medically change their bodies, but still don't identify with their assigned gender. They may or may not consider themselves trans. That said, things to ask about if you're not sure what gender someone is: - how they identify - pronouns And things not to ask about: - when they're getting ____ surgery - if they're taking hormones - which way they're transitioning - what their "real name" is If you have any specific questions, you can ask me, even if you're not sure how to phrase them. I have a thick skin and I'm willing to help. I want people to understand more about gender.
