Gender Issues

It's not common, but it isn't abnormal, either. Plenty of people feel uncomfortable with the gender binary we're expected to conform to. This discomfort can range from people like me who can simply adjust the lines of their gender a bit and feel fine, to people who cross the binary entirely and feel totally comfortable in a new gender, to people who have to break the wall down completely.

You may find that you need to find a place outside the binary; people who do this are sometimes called genderqueer, meaning more or less what it sounds like.

Will you get over it? Maybe. Some people go through a period of gender questioning, then settle firmly in one gender. Others find themselves unable to settle within the binary at all, or at least only to some small extent. There's really no way to know for certain.

Are you going through a bout of depression? It doesn't sound like it. While depression often includes an element of dissatisfaction with who we are, there're other elements to it, too, and from what you've posted I don't think those are in evidence.

There's a site I visit sometimes called Genderfork that posts pictures and stories of people who don't quite fit the gender binary, you may want to check it out.

 

Hi there :smilewave

I understand what you are talking about. I came across this poster a little while back.



I'm still figuring out where I fit in. I'm genetically a male and I identify as a male, but that just doesn't seem right. I really depends on what I am doing. Somethings I feel like a guy, somethings I feel like a girl. Somethings I'm nurtural.

The thing I've found is just try to think out side the box. Think about what you really like and try not to let society dictate what you do.

I've found a couple of things. I paint my toe nails from time to time, and my iPod case is pink.

 

I know you say you don't have any problems with being female-bodied, but have you ever tried presenting as male, either by wearing "masculine" clothing, or binding your chest? Just to see how it feels to you?

For me personally as a transgendered person, I have experienced the kind of gender dysphoria you're talking about since I was a little kid. Once I started to dress in men's clothing and bind my chest, I realized from the overwhelming relief I felt that I wasn't quite as caught in the middle of the gender binary as I thought - the only reason it seemed that way is because my brain is male and my body is female. When I took even small steps to make my outside match my inside, it "fixed" that constant internal pressure of, This is not right. Something does not add up.

To expand on what Liam said, you don't have to pick a gender one way or the other - in a lot of ways, we're living in a post-gender society, and the more visibility the queer community gets, the more those lines in the false gender binary are blurred. It's perfectly acceptable to be genderqueer, or to jump back and forth between the two ends of the spectrum at will. In fact, it can be a lot of fun - ask anyone who is into drag.

Feel free to play around - nobody can tell you how to present yourself.

If it makes you feel better, it's perfectly normal to feel the way you do, since the gender binary is artificially constructed in a lot of ways, so nobody can ever really be as "masculine" or "feminine" as they are dictated by society to be (which is one of the reasons why we have so many body image and self esteem issues).

A lot of people go through periods of gender questioning as young adults, regardless of their sexual orientation.

 

I feel kind of similar way. Since I was very young, I felt like I was trapped in a male body, but really I was supposed to be a female or something. I've always wanted to play with dolls when I was young, I hated sports (still do), love fashion...etc In fact, I identify myself now more as a genderqueer than gay, though I still am attracted sexually to men more than women.
I would say do not worry or stress to much about your feelings. As long as you are comfortable with yourself, you do not need to conform to the society's "conventions" or "norms" at all. And no, you are not alone who feels this way in this world, I'm sure, so don't worry too much

 

I feel the same way; sometimes I really want to be a guy. Part of me loves femininity and wearing makeup, high heels, etc., but at the same time I almost feel as though I have the wrong set of parts. I don't feel so strongly that I want to get surgery, but sometimes it's nice to dress really butch, bind my chest, etc. Just know that you aren't alone.(*hug*)

 

I don't know too much on the subject myself, but my first girlfriend (whos one of my best friends now) used to try explaining how she didn't feel like a male or female. How she didn't think she was bi but she dated both guys and girls (though shes wayyy more into girls)... I never fully understood but I told her no matter her gender or orientation I loved her (She identifies as gender queer now). So as far as the not gay enough for the gay community goes, I thought maybe it would be comforting to know that personally I know a lot of girls, including myself, that don't have any problems dating someone who is questioning their gender or identifies as male.