So.. I was raised to be female I guess.. I grew up mostly taking care of myself and was very guy like even as a kid. I am the eldest of all my siblings and helped to care for them.. I have a long childhood history, but anyway, I used to hang out with all the guys and do a lot of sports. I also saw emotions as a weakness and tried to be tough.. Around age 13 my parents started making me do things like get a hair perm so I would have cute hair, and got rid of all my good clothes for girly ones. I was raised in the Mormon faith so yeah.. Now I'm 20 and have been really questioning my gender for a long time to be honest. I don't feel completely female, nor do I always feel male. I more often lean toward male, but I'm not sure... To make matters more complicated, I don't have any periods without medications. I've seen doctors about it and they say I have too high testosterone levels. They have made me take birth control to cause them because they said if I don't have them it could lead to other issues. And the hormones cause me to have severe migraines and mood issues that have lead to some suicidality at times. Thus I haven't taken any since leaving my biological parents home. They have said they think I have a condition called PCOS (Polly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) But I highly doubt it, because my only symptoms that fit that category are a lack of period and high testosterone. I don't have blood sugar problems, I don't have acne problems, nor breast growth problems, cysts, or any other problems. I have had a strong pain in my abdominal area most of my life making that area sensitive. So, now I have just got my first girlfriend and whenever I have played with myself or even sometimes with her, I never really have any good feeling there. and I've got to the point I want to cry after I'm done because I want to know what is wrong with me.. I'm at the point I want to get a DNA test done to check my gender thru my DNA. I'm just so confused who and what to ask.. I'm nervous and lost.. Has anyone else ever had something similar experience?
Ok hun I am so sorry that you are feeling as torn as you are. I am not conflict about my gender so I cant really understand that kind of pain but I can say that I hate to see a person hurting like you are. Now what I suggest is looking up a therapist in your are that has experience in deal with these matters. Also there are a few online support groups for people going through exactly what you are. I am sure there are many resources out there I just wish I had better memory for them. I am sure someone better qualified will chime in soon but until then I will try to do some research for support pages and information such as books that might help. What is important is that you found EC and there are many great people here to help. You are not alone and there are tons of people out there ready to help you through this. (*hug*) Keep strong, it will get better. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ok found these links. Please note as I dont have experience with these I can only guess at how true or useful they are. I hope they are helpful but if anyone with better experience in this matter can give more insight please do. http://www.heartcorps.com/journeys/ http://community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid=266 http://iamtransgendered.com/SupportGroups.aspx http://www.amazon.com/Transitions-G...=sr_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1311228697&sr=1-5 http://www.amazon.com/How-Change-Yo...r_1_21?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1311228767&sr=1-21 http://www.amazon.com/Trans-Liberat...r_1_27?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1311228818&sr=1-27
Well I am not questioning my gender, but I do have PCOS. I have a lot of the sucky symptoms like acne and also abdominal pain like you mentioned. If you say that you have no feeling when you are stimulated sexually, well that can be a symptom of MANY things. It can be hormonal or psychological or possibly a blood flow problem? I don't know if it is a symptom of PCOS though. Do you never have periods? Have you ever had one in your life, or is it just a long time between them? It is not really healthy for a woman to go too long without a period, so I would suggest seeing a gynecologist, or an endocrinologist(a doctor that specializes in hormones). I don't know anything about testing for gender though.
Bibliophile: Thanks for the links and support. LemonCake: To answer your questions, I did start having periods when I was 12 or 13 and only had a few. Ever since then I have absolutely NONE unless I take hormones. I have seen a endocrinologist and they made me take a progesterone pill and it did end up causing a period, and also a severe migraine. I wasn't trying to say the no feeling part had to do with PCOS specifically. I actually do feel, but all of what I feel is severe pain. And to be honest I don't think I have PCOS at all. Me having no periods actually hasn't affected my bones or anything else either yet, when I really have had not even a hand full since age 13 or 14. My problem right now is, the endocrinologists keep wanting to say I have PCOS when I don't believe I do. And I would like to check other reasons as to why I'm having these issues. I left my last endocrinologist in September last year, because I don't feel listened to.. :'( I've ended up in the hospital even for severe abdominal pains and they never find anything wrong.. no cycts, nothing.. And I'm so confused what it is.. What I am.. All people tell me is, its PCOS and just leave me in the dust to take a freaking pill to make me more feminine for one when I don't want to be and cause stupid migraines and make me suicidal... And I really don't think they know what is really going on. They have even told me it's just a freaking guess! Sorry.. I'm just kinda.. Sick of it.. Don't mean to take it out on anyone or anything.
Hey, Your post brings my situation to life. I have poly cystic ovaries syndrome, which I was diagnosed with in my early teens. I rarely have periods but when I do they are all over the place. In terms of gender identity I was born female but I have always been more masculin which I guess could be because of the hormone imbalance. My problem is more that I do not feel connected strongly to either gender and I have no sex drive what so ever although I know I am attracted to women. I want to ask my doctor about hormone treatments because I struggle with weight issues and I thought if the process was reversed my weight would sort itself out. I was offered those tablets you are talking about but they do have a serious number of side affects and from the point of view of having a period it struck me as risky. Also not being fixed in my gender makes it difficult for me to say I even want to treat this. I am going to see my doctor next week to discuss options and I will probably be refered for a psychological assessment and then to a community mental health team, before I even get to speak to a gender specialist or visit a clinic. I have done a lot of online reading my advice is you do the same before seeking further medical support. I am going to tell my doctor what I want, not ask him what he can do for me. I hope you get the support you need soon. Carly x
