"The spectrum"... the many faces of poly,bi, & pan sexuality

Great idea for a thread.

Username: Chandra

Orientation: Um... yes. I have one. :dry: When people ask, I generally say that I'm attracted to attractive people. I can find myself anywhere between 3 and 5.999 on the Kinsey scale depending on a variety of factors. I feel somewhat more of an emotional bond with women and seem to operate better in relationships with women. I find women's bodies much more sexually attractive than men's, but at times am very drawn to men sexually as well (particularly certain times of the month(!?)). When I first came out to myself I experienced a period of girl-craziness where I couldn't imagine ever being attracted to a man again, but this has since waned.

Leaning: Women generally, as explained above.

When I first knew: Inklings since adolescence, increasing with intensity over time.

Acceptance: I didn't fully understand or acknowledge my own sexuality until my early 30's, but once I did I was able to accept myself fairly quickly and work on coming out to others.

How LGBT I've gone: In a long-term committed relationship with the love of my life, who happens to be female.

Porn leaning: Not a fan of most porn but I do enjoy more "real"-looking lesbian imagery.

Fantasy leaning: Women almost (though not entirely) exclusively.

Dream leaning: Interestingly, most of my sexual dreams are about men.

What I look for in a guy: I could now only ever see myself in a relationship with a man who holds absolutely NONE of the macho, patriarchal, traditional views of male-female relationships. Having experienced the relatively equal power balance of a same-sex relationship, I would no longer have any patience for one that plays out traditional gender roles.

What I look for in a girl: ...And on the other hand, a certain strong-willed, outspoken, take-charge attitude (dare I say cockiness?) is hugely attractive to me in a girl.

What remains the same: The main things I look for in any partner are honesty, authenticity, sensitivity, empathy, intelligence, independence, kindness, affection, openness, and good communication. And cuddles. Lots and lots of cuddles. :icon_bigg

 

Username: MyJunkIsYou

Orientation: For the sake of ease and visibility- bisexual
Yet technically I could be considered polysexual. I'm attracted to men, women, those who are genderqueer and FTMs. I identify as bisexual though because my interpretation of bisexuality is not gender binary and to an extent I feel too many labels sometimes complicates things.

Leaning: Women, as I feel a stronger emotional connection which I haven't yet felt with a man.

When I first knew: Figured I wasn't straight aged 14.

Acceptance: For a while I was very happy to exist without a label, trying to find one was the cause of much confusion. Now I have a label but I see that it's only important in terms of visibility, I am me, I like who I like and that's it

How LGBT I've gone: I've had a girlfriend

Porn leaning: Gay male porn (I know that might seem bizarre but it's true)

Fantasy leaning: Probably women

What remains the same: I like a bit of edginess/quirkyness in terms of looks. I find elements of androgyny or genderfuck attractive. I look for someone who I have have a deep conversation or debate with, who's protective, caring and affectionate but at the same time a little bit badass. I don't feel I look for particular things in particular genders. But then I also don't tend to look at men in terms of looking for a partner because I (think I) lack the emotional attraction to sustain a relationship.

 

Username: Ace of Base.

Orientation: I identify as bisexual but it's more complex than that. I feel sexually attracted to men and emotionally attracted to women; Guess that makes a heterosexual homoromantic, but it's easier to say I'm bisexual.

Leaning: Women, probably.

When I first knew: When I was 13.

Acceptance: I didn't understand my feelings at first. I guess I really came to accept and understand it when I was 15.

How LGBT I've gone: I've fallen in love with both men and women, but never been in a relationship with either.

Porn leaning: I don't really enjoy porn that much, but I probably prefer straight porn.

Fantasy leaning: Men and women equally. Probably men a bit more, though.

Dream leaning: Men and women equally.

What I look for in a guy: Mature, sensitive, smart and understanding.

What I look for in a girl: Sensitive, practical, smart and uncomplicated.

What remains the same: I pretty much prefer the same psychological characteristics in both a man and a woman... I like people who are patient, smart and understanding.

 

Username: Owen

Orientation: Homosexual paromantic. What that means is that I can fall in love with anyone but am only sexually aroused by and will only have sex with men. What that translates to in practical terms is that I'll enjoy hugging, cuddling, and even kissing on the lips (happened once) with females and males, but any more than that and the other person has to be male.

Leaning: Men. A relationship with the romantic side of things but not the sexual side of things just isn't going to cut it for me.

When I first knew: I remember having an inclination for guys since I was 10, but I didn't realize that that might mean I was something other than straight until I was 12. It wasn't until I was sixteen that I figured out, "Oh, duh; gay." I didn't realize I was panromantic until I was 20, when I found out about romantic orientation.

Acceptance: Because it took me so long to put a name to my orientation, I had accepted the possibility that I might be gay before I even realized that was the case, so once I figured out, my thinking was pretty much, "Thank goodness, I finally have an answer," and I accepted it immediately.

How LGBT I've gone: I kissed a girl on the lips once, but I wasn't comfortable taking it any farther than that. I've been in a long-term relationship with and have "experimented" with guys. I use quotation marks because it wasn't actual experimentation, because I knew I was gay when it happened; it just didn't quite go far enough for me to call it sex, so "experimentation" will do.

Porn leaning: Men and men only. I mostly look at depictions of men all on their own (many of them at least partially dressed, but that's a matter for another thread) and imagine myself doing things with them, so having a second person in the picture, be they man or woman, is distracting for me.

Fantasy leaning: Men only, for the same reason.

Dream leaning: Men.

What I look for in a guy: He has to want a relationship for more than just the physical sexual element of it. He has to enjoy cuddling, he has to enjoy foreplay, and he has to see sex as an emotional and personal experience just as much as it is a physical one. I'm not one for the idea of "no strings attached" play. Of course, he also has to enjoy our time spent together outside of the bedroom. The idea of a power dynamic has always appealed to me, so I'd also probably look for a guy who is noticeably more masculine, assertive, protective, etc. than me, or noticeably less so. (I'd probably prefer noticeably more so, if I could choose.)

What I look for in a girl: Being that I only befriend girls, nothing unique. Although I've found that I'm more drawn to girls with short and/or colored hair; something about that looks makes me want to get to know them.

What remains the same: All of the usual criteria (thoughtful, considerate, sense of humor, etc.). I like people who are down to earth and don't put up any pretense about who they are, who are genuine and honestl If they're socially awkward, that can be a draw for me, since I feel less like I have to act like I'm not socially awkward (hint: I am, I just hide it really well when I need to). Liking music is also good.

I like your criteria.

 

Username: KATT
Orientation: I'm bisexual [:
Leaning: Maless. Usually, my long-term, commited relationships are with men. I'm usually attracted to women only on a sexual level, if at all. I'm very picky when it comes to both sexes, so I find it pretty funny when my friends say I'm lucky because I have twice the options! XD Ha! So not the case. I consider myself a Kinsey 2.
When I first knew: I've kind of always knew! Strange, I know, but it just sort of stemmed form the fact that I was always flirting and hitting on people, and it wasn't limited to guys. [: It's sort of always been the case.
Acceptance: I've always accepted myself and it never even crossed my mind that it was odd or out of the ordinary. It's just me! And almost everyone I know feels that way too.
How LGBT I've gone: I've taken plenty of girls on dates [I'm a real gentleman, haha. you'll hear nothing but good things from my exes ] I'm always the guy in my girl-girl relationships, so it's always been very classy. I never push.
Porn leaning: I tend towards the more tame porn, when I watch it at all. Stuff like massages, simple girl on guy, anything cute, and snuggly ^-^
Fantasy leaning: Guys. [:
Wet dream leaning: In my whole life I've never had a wet dream. Must be a guy thing.
What I look for in a guy: MUST be smart, polite, respectful, patient, calm in nature, fun, goes with the flow, handsome, bright future, MUST be a virgin, and hopefully not sexaully experienced. [makes me feel special c:] Gentleman, easy to be around, and loving.
What I look for in a girl: Feminine, naive, innocent.
What remains the same: I'm picky with both sexes, so that stays the same I suppose. But nothing else is the same, though.

 

Username: thecat06
Orientation: Bisexual
Leaning: Towards girls lately. ATM I consider myself a kinsey 4, but it is very fluid.
When I first knew: I've known since I was in the 6th grade, I did not have a name for it until the very end of my eighth grade year.
Acceptance: This took much longer.. for me it was a battle between my religion and me sexuality. I accepted it at the end of my senior year of high school (after knowing since I was a freshman) and then just recently started coming out. I am now completely out at college and a little out at home.
How LGBT I've gone: I've kissed girls and I've gone to pride meetings and other gay rights groups on campus.
Porn Leaning: I really don't watch porn...
What I look for in a guy: He has to be nice, considerate and have some common interests with me.
What I look for in a girl: Nice, I usually like girls that have shorter hair, common interests,
What remains the same: For the most part I really don't care about looks. I usually am more attracted to personalities. But that being said, I still can look at both sexes and say "wow they are hot!!"

 

Username: Noir

Orientation: Lesbian

Leaning: Women, without a doubt. I've tried, and I absolutely, positively, cannot have strong feelings for a guy.

When I first knew: Somewhere around my sophomore year in high school? Guys actually became a reason for fear.

Acceptance: At first I thought I might be les, but I figured I was probably just imagining myself into a certain mindset. Since it hasn't gone away for about two years, I figure it's pretty much real.

How LGBT I've gone: I've never had a girlfriend, but I've almost had a couple. And at the end of last May at an LGBT party for my school a girl did kiss me on the cheek.

Porn leaning: I don't really like porn that's too heavy or that doesn't have a good story (I know, who reads it for that reason anyway, right? But I get the feeling sometimes that I'm reading the same one over and over and all they do is change it a little bit each time) but I do read both. Some of my friends got me stuck on yaoi a few years ago, but sometimes it's too much for me and I have to splurge on yuri to make up for it.

Fantasy leaning: Women only

What I look for in a guy: Someone really cool to hang out with and who treats me like one of his "guy friends" without a romantic vibe.

What I look for in a girl: Someone pure of heart.

What remains the same: I can't stand people who don't think of others and are completely stuck on themselves. I don't like to be sucked into a vortex of someone else's self-pity that has no return.

 

Username: wingandaprayer

Orientation: Lesbian

Leaning: Women. I don't feel any romantic feelings towards men at all.

When I first knew: Eh...call it maybe as early as 14? But I didn't admit it to myself at all until I was at least 17, and wouldn't even consider that it might be okay to be a lesbian until I was about 22.

Acceptance: Yeah, working on that. Still not sure how to mesh that with spiritual beliefs, etc.

How LGBT I've gone: Not very. Admiring women in movies, that's about it.

Porn leaning: I've...never seen any. At all. The closest I've ever come is reading an erotic story or two.

Fantasy leaning: Girls, definitely.

Wet dream leaning: Girls. Usually ones I know.

What I look for in a guy: I'm not interested in men romantically, but I enjoy hanging out with guys who can have an intelligent conversation.

What I look for in a girl: For me, a girl who seems a bit shyer but has a strong side hiding underneath is a huge turn-on.

What remains the same: In anyone, I look for intelligence, convictions, and loyalty.

 

Username: Shades of Gray

Orientation: I seem to have quite the pendulum effect going on in my head.. This morning I would have said gay but panromantic; right now I’d say I feel like I’m bi but homoromantic. For all I know tomorrow I’ll feel asexual. In short: I’m very confused.

Leaning: Men. That’s really been the only consistency with me. Especially in regards to romantic attraction.

When I first knew: It became apparent with the onset of puberty at around age 12-13, though I tossed it in the back of my mind. From that point on it became progressively harder to ignore (particularly after I developed a crush on my best friend at around age 16..and an, err..encounter.. with a guy around the same time.)

Acceptance: I’ve only just begun accepting myself with this in the past year or so. It’s nice to be semi-out, but I’m terrified of telling some of my closest friends (all Christian fundamentalists).

How LGBT I've gone: I had a one night stand with a guy 3 summers ago (at band camp, of all places..) It was fun and all, but I’m still disappointed in myself that I let lust get the best of me and slept with a guy I didn’t really know at all (didn’t get anything luckily). Never been in an actual relationship with a guy though :dry:

Porn leaning: I don’t watch much porn, but I suppose straight and gay are ok. Lesbian porn kind of grosses me out though (no offense).

Fantasy leaning: Half the time I imagine me with guys. The other half, though, I imagine me as a girl with guys. I figured that second one would end as I started accepting myself (since it seems I did that as a way of telling myself “see, you’re not gay – it’s still a straight fantasy"), but it’s continued on, oddly..

Dream leaning: I’ve never really had a “wet dream.” I have romantic dreams about guys I have crushes on all the time, though.

What I look for in a guy: If I could just pick one descriptive word for the perfect guy: sweetheart. Someone kind, polite, romantic, quirky, and easy-going enough to put up with all my peculiarities.

What I look for in a girl: I’m just not sure if I could date a girl. I’ve been completely emotionally attached to women before, but everything physical just felt so awkward. Even cuddling and holding hands.. Also, I really have no desire to date anyone who sees the ideal relationship as a fulfillment of gender roles. I’m not comfortable at all in the male gender role – I really don’t even see my true gender as male.. I would totally switch places though. For instance, I would melt if anyone ever bought me flowers :icon_bigg

What remains the same: I find nerdiness (as a general temperament) to be extremely attractive in anyone and everyone. I’m also fed up with Christian fundamentalists and find the company of irreligious people or religious people with social liberal beliefs to be highly enjoyable..

 

Username: RaeofLite

Orientation: Lesbian, I usually tell people I'm "gay" since I like how it sounds better.

Leaning: Women. I have emotional connections with guys but not sexual. I would probably be a Kinsey 5 or 6

When I first knew: I felt an awakening within me when I saw two women kiss for the first time while I was at a beach at age 17. I knew for SURE that I was gay when I made love with a woman at age 20 and it didn't compare to having sex with men. FIREWORKS.

Acceptance: Totally accepting of myself. It's taken A LONG time but I'm happy where I am now. I've made friends who accept me and love me for who I am and that's helped a lot. I've learned that those who don't like you for who you are can go to hell as far as I'm concerned. If you're a good person and treat others with respect and people hate you because of who you love? They're not worth your time.

How LGBT I've gone: I'm open about it. I drop it into conversations about lgbt rights, who I find attractive when spending time with people I know, posting things on facebook about LGBT rights or lack there of and telling people to stop the hate.

Porn leaning: Erotica stories are awesome

Fantasy leaning: Women.

Wet dream leaning: Women


What I look for in a guy: Not into men sexually. I enjoy being a geek or nerd when talking with guys though, or various intelligent issues like world politics, world news or belief systems etc.


What I look for in a girl: I like women who treat others with kindness, are funny, and have quirky personality traits.

What remains the same: I spend time with people who are intelligent, funny, and generally good people to be around. I'm done wasting my time with toxic people who give off bad vibes, party "hard" all the time, and use and abuse other people with no regards to how it makes them feel.

I think if everyone learned a bit more empathy the world would be a better place.

 

Username: The Lewder

Orientation: Bisexual.

Leaning: 50/50 I'll say at this point in time. There's the chance it'll change, but I move disasterously slowly through crushes and I just don't 'feel' attraction to people I don't really like.

When I first knew: 14 years old or so I knew something was going on...

Acceptance: 15 years old, almost 15.5 years old. I didn't take long to accept because I was 'only' bi, and when I acted homophobic (long story) I was basically shunned, so if anything, it put me into the frame of mind that I was probably not going to end up ostracised. And I ended up crushing on this guy, so it was going to become obvious sooner or later.

How LGBT I've gone: Never been in a relationship with either gender. I'm walled-in.

Porn leaning: Depends on who I like, because I like to semi-fantisize while watching porn, and I don't think vaginas come into play in gay (male) sex/a woman can't really put her penis in me...

Fantasy leaning: See above. Fantasy will probably be about person I like.

Wet dream leaning: Never had any. I masturbate too much. :icon_redf

What I look for in a guy: It depends on whether he's more femme or masculine. There's a line where if the guy was on the femme side of it, I'd be looking to be the one "wearing the pants", but if the guy was on the masculine side of it, it'd be the opposite. Generally I like men who are caring, willing to be a bit cuddly, easy-going. Looks-wise, brown hair, not that muscular, cute face/appearance.

What I look for in a girl: Looks-wise, brown hair with nice-sized boobs (not ones the size of a small country), some tan, and not overly fat. Personality wise, I like women who are friendly and who are willing to put up with my boredom with feminine things.

What remains the same: If they find significant interest in sport, or are getting too much on the religious side, no thanks. Musical, smart etc. is nice. They need to be able to put up with my control-freak nature as well.

Generally, attraction (for me) is something pure and deep. I would not date anybody who I'm not really attracted to on principle.

 

Username: blighted_garden

Orientation: Queer/bisexual. Not sure how attracted I am to genderqueer people, although I'm certainly open to the possibility. I generally identify as queer due to the unpleasant stereotypes associated with the 'bisexual label' in my area.

Leaning: None. I'm pretty even emotionally, maybe a bit more attracted to the physique of a woman but fairly equal in terms of sexual attraction.

When I first knew: At some point in high school I started questioning my feelings for a close female friend, and slowly realized that my identity was fairly fluid.

Acceptance: I'd say when I was 16 or 17. Before that I was very confused and attempted to pin my orientation down. The confusion was upsetting to me, and I had told only 3 people of my identity. As of graduating high school I began to be more comfortable with the idea of being open to different possibilities, and came out to my larger group of friends.

How LGBT I've gone: I've only been in two relationships in my life, both with women. I am certainly open to the possibility of permanently settling down and having a family with a woman, but the same goes for with a man.

Porn leaning: I seem to mostly enjoy bisexual threesomes, either MMF or FFM, which is strange because in real life I'm not very open to the possibility of being with more than one partner. Lesbian porn often comes across as fake to me, especially with the underrepresentation of androgynous women, so I seem to watch more M/F or M/M.

Fantasy leaning: Pretty much the same as the porn that I watch. When I'm with a partner my leanings tend more towards them and their gender, but not exclusively. M/M fantasies are a big one too.

Wet dream leaning: More women, although there have certainly been men. This is probably mostly due to my relationship history.

What I look for in a guy: I'm generally attracted to fairly masculine men.

What I look for in a girl: I'm generally attracted to androgynous/somewhat boyish women who are still feminine.

What remains the same: Emotionally I look for pretty much the same things. Someone I can relate to, someone who accepts my fluid sexuality, someone who's at least a little bit nerdy/geeky, and someone that I can grow with. I am usually attracted to driven, outgoing people, although the shy type is definitely attractive also . I also seem to like people with dark hair.

 

Username: piratealisonnn

Orientation: Questioning at the moment but I'm pretty positive I'm bisexual... or maybe heteroflexible....

Leaning: I've never been in a relationship with a woman so for now I lean towards men but I definitely check out more females than males.

When I first knew: I suspected something around age 14 but am only now coming to terms with it (at almost 20).

Acceptance: See above.

How LGBT I've gone: I've kissed women, but nothing too serious.

Porn leaning: I don't watch/read porn.

Fantasy leaning: It's a mixture of both men and women. Lately it's been more female.

Wet dream leaning: Never had one.

What I look for in a guy: Sense of humor, honesty, kindness, family-oriented.

What I look for in a girl: Guess it would be close to the same as what I look for in men.

What remains the same: See above, again.

 

Username: Adam88
Orientation: Bi
Leaning:Several different directions at once. As in, I tend to find women more physically appealing but get more emotionally attached to guys.
When I first knew: I've known that my tastes were weird for a long time, but I was in severe denial so stayed away from fantasizing about guys for many years. I'd still watch the guys in straight porn though...
Acceptance: Two years ago. AKA just before my join date on this site.
How LGBT I've gone: I currently have a boyfriend so... Quite far.
Porn leaning: Straight. Straight porn has both guys and girls. Also solo porn or either gender.
Fantasy leaning: Girls, sometimes guys (more rarely).
Wet dream leaning: Never get these for some reason.
What I look for in a guy: I tend to go for skinny, nerdy guys.
What I look for in a girl: Tomboys all the way.
What remains the same: Quite a bit. Though, as my ideal female is somewhat masculine to begin with...

 

Username: Rinto
Orientation: Bisexual
Leaning: Men, I guess. I'm more sexually attracted to men but is almost equally attracted to men and women in terms of appearance and feelings. But if you're gonna throw me into a crowd, I'll probably get close to a guy but most likely be together with a girl since they're kind of cute to be with^^.
When I first knew:I thought I might have been hinted ever since that time my girl friends introduced me to male same-sex love. I wasn't disgusted but was rather more interested on the topic.
Acceptance: Recently this year. I usually termed myself "unlabeled" back then and would avoid any kind of questions regarding identity.
How LGBT I've gone: Stalking some guy I liked, chatting with the more masculine gays of my age at some other site, actually broke up with my ex-gf after feeling doubts about my love to her since I also loved a guy, been into unmanly troubles so I guess I'm far
Porn leaning: I watch straight but I prefer gay, both same-sex male and female (seems strange but I find it arousing)
Fantasy leaning: When romantic fantasy, it could be either. When sexual fantasy, I prefer men but women can be too.
Wet dream leaning: Strange but I never got this. Rubbing, maybe yes, because of guys....
What I look for in a guy: The "bishounen": androgynous, skinny, pale-skinned, beautiful
What I look for in a girl: The sweet, mellows, and some tomboyish ones
What remains the same: Hmmm... That would be my attraction when it comes to feelings.I don't look at the gender when I'm emotionally attached.

 

Username: Dominoflare..

Orientation: Bi-sexy *wink wink* {hardy har har...}

Leaning: Girls! =D 'cause guy's smell bad.. D: jk i'm really only interested in my girlfriend quite frankly.

When I first knew: Since i was about 8..? i think

Acceptance: only really came to terms with it about a year and a half ago

How LGBT I've gone: 1) In a relationship with an amazing girl 2)out to my dad and brother and some friends

Porn leaning: err..no {awks..}

Fantasy leaning: oh wouldn't you like to know?

What I look for in a guy: personality, great sense of humour, non-smellyness...

What I look for in a girl: my girlfriend

What remains the same: non-smellyness

 

Username: Gracieling
Orientation: Questioning, but I think I'm bi.
Leaning: Boys, I think. But I have a really specific type of girl.
When I first knew: Two and- a half? years ago? I think that was when I really started realizing who I am.
Acceptance: Others? I'm not out, so I can't really answer that. Me? I'm still confused, but I'm beginning to get comfortable with myself.
How LGBT I've gone: Checking both girls and guys out. Never been kissed, though.
Porn leaning: Never seen male/male porn, but I do prefer male/female over female/female
Fantasy leaning: Either
Wet dream leaning: Never had one.
What I look for in a guy: Funny, empathetic, and smart. And they have to have good eyes.
What I look for in a girl: Athletic, but smart. No braces/glasses, but I'm a sucker for freckles. Oh- and brunettes.
What remains the same: Good eyes, and smart. Definitely not stick thin, but it's ok whatever other weight they are

 

Username: FloatingPiano

Orientation: I identify myself as a lesbian. There is still the potential that I could possibly be romantically involved with a guy, but I really only like girls.

Leaning: Girls

When I first knew: I first knew when I was around 13. I had a boyfriend, but I wasn't interested in kissing him or anything. I also starting noticing I had a crush on one of my female friends.

Acceptance: I have pretty much come to terms with it. I was in denial for a long time, and even forced myself to date boys. But I quickly realized that I am gay and there's no changing that. It's who I am. I pretty much accept myself now, and have just started the process of coming out to others.

How LGBT I've gone: Unfortunately, i have yet to have been in a relationship with a girl yet. :/ As far as socially being involved in the LGBT community, I'm the Vice President of my school's GSA.

Porn leaning: I'm not big on porn, but when I do watch it's almost always lesbian porn.

Fantasy leaning: Girls.

Dream leaning: Girls.

What I look for in a guy: Not really looking for one. ^^;

What I look for in a girl: Sensitive, mature, and trustworthy.

What remains the same:Well, if I WAS into men, it would still be the same characteristics.

 

Orientation: Gay
Leaning: Men, with maybe some straight curiousity if I'm really feeling it.
How LGBT I've gone: Not very much. Maybe joining some diversity clubs & going to pride once.
When I first knew: Since my earliest memories. Was always gender bending & more interested in boys/men. Always tried to "quit that" until 17.
Acceptance: Shabby. I'm okay with who I am now but still have a very hard time coming out of my shell and in general living how I should.
Porn leaning: Wild
Fantasy leaning: Always more dominant male types
Wet dream leaning: Even furniture! My dreams aren't consistent enough to always try to explain the sensation and these are rare anyway.
What I look for in a guy: Genuine. Any healthy personality type is cool as long as they are honest.
What remains the same: Everything. Even when I was "straight" I was very apathetic and uninterested in chasing girls. Though I'm always shocked when friends are shocked when they hear that I'm gay.