First of all, I'd like to say hi to you if you happen to know me. I haven't been here due to quite difficult times but I'm coping up. If you happen to have not seen me anywhere yet, then the same goes for you. I know it's very unlikely for me to ask a favor to other people suddenly after a long time of being gone (I've considered keeping the problem to myself but I can't, and eventually didn't make it.) so I tried to consult you guys, hoping I could be able to get some answers. My friends can't help me; they just laugh at me so... The problem with me is that I feel I'm being a little bit too protective of my kept identity of being bisexual inside the closet. Lately, I've been acting really too gay, and when I say gay, that means both meanings(happy and homosexual). My actions have been too feminine outside the house, being a bit frail from my usual "macho" posture and a little bit acting much like how most of the girls act here. I've also been smiling and laughing too much lately, opposite of my usual stern and serious face and expressions. I hate it. I don't want to be like that because I simply am not like that, but there's something that keeps me from being so. Every once in a while, I could hear people left and right mentioning the word "gay". On even just one of those moments, I feel despicable, dirty and too annoyed. I feel like picking up a chair and starting banging it on their faces because I really hate hearing that word (the explanation follows), especially if it's about me... I don't know why but my instincts detect some wrong suspicions of my sexual orientation. I can always sense some people staying away from me, including my best friends. It's been really hard for me the moment 2012 met my way. Ever since this has been happening to me, my mind has been occupied of the thoughts of what can I say in case they humiliate me in class or in public. So far, I've only been resorting to physical means... but I don't want to. I feel like I would just give up my bisexuality, because being one causes me too much hardships. I just don't feel like my old self again ever since this happened...
Hello, Rinto! It does sound like you're having a tough time....sorry you don't feel like yourself, and I'm not sure how much use I can be when it comes to advice, but there's nothing despicable or dirty about your reaction. You're experiencing a different side of yourself that you aren't used to, so of course you would be freaked out! I also tend to get riled up about things like that even though I'm not out and I often resort to mild physical means to get out my frustrations. Are the people around you very obvious so that it seems like they might really say something about you in public? What do you mean "wrong suspicions of my sexual orientation?"
im sorry to hear that. i hate hearing the word gay too and it pisses me off when people use it as a joke. I'm not sure how offer much advice but i want you to know you have my sympathy
Some say I'm gay, when I'm not. I don't really care even if they call me straight even if I rightly should not. I just don't feel very comfortable hearing them exclaiming that I was "gay" without them even knowing what I really am, but I don't want them exclaiming I'm bisexual either since it's too inappropriate. You know that feeling too? Thank you so much, both of you. Hearing me out and giving these replies are already enough to help on your parts.
