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My friend is mad at me for seeking gender therapy...

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by diniesaur, Feb 17, 2012.

  1. diniesaur

    Regular Member

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    Here is basically what I posted on another forum, with some edits and additions:

    I recently persuaded my mom to let me see a therapist about my gender identity. I posted a status about it on Facebook because I was so excited...but then my best friend saw it. She is my best friend, and she usually understands me pretty well. We both have Asperger's Syndrome, and we're fairly close. She called me and got really mad at me. Here's what I wrote to my friends:

    I'm really, really scared. A friend of mine saw my status about seeing a gender therapist (this is filtered) and she called me and started yelling at me over the phone. She was saying I said things I don't remember saying (in fact, I remember saying the OPPOSITE to many of you) and she said "YOU ARE ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE" and "YOU ARE NOT A MAN!" and telling me that I was confused about what happened with my ex ("YOU WERE RAPED! YOU WERE RAPED!") even though I had these feelings long before I even met my ex. She wouldn't stop talking so I could explain anything to her, and I had to hang up on her and tell her that she could call back when she was calm. I don't know if she'll ever be calm, though. I'm really dizzy now, and I feel like throwing up.

    I think that says it pretty well. I'm really scared, and I don't understand why she's so angry at me about this. It's really none of her business, and it seems to me like she's probably mad because of some problem with her rather than concern for me, because I don't see why concern for me would cause her to yell like that.

    I do have a theory--she's lesbian, and she told me she had a crush on me a while ago. I'm not sure if she still has a crush on me now--complicated things happened with my ex--but in October she did say that if we still wanted to date each other in a year then we could. Maybe she's upset because she's disgusted with the idea of being attracted to a male? I have no idea.

    I doubt I will ever find out--she's almost like a Neurotypical in the way that she sometimes hides the truth in order to keep social situations going the way she thinks they should. It's not manipulation any more than it is when Neurotypicals tell "white lies" or try to send "signals" to people instead of telling the direct truth, but it's still confusing to me.

    Either way, I'm very upset and I don't kno what to do. I'm afraid to talk to her anymore because I'm scared she'll yell at me again. I'm scared she'll call soon and start yelling again, and that I won't be able to explain it to her. Even worse, she may not call ever again and not answer anymore if I call. I want to stay friends with her, but right now I'm really scared of her.


    I want to add that I left her a message on her phone saying to call me when she felt calm and was ready to hear what I had to say. I've called her several times since then (it happened Tuesday) but she hasn't responded. I think she may be hanging up on me, because the phone's not ringing as long as it usually does.
     
  2. Christiaan

    Christiaan Guest

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    I don't know her thoughts. I do gather that you are distressed by this reaction. Your mother has chosen to be supportive, and you ought to discuss this with her.
     
  3. diniesaur

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    My mom doesn't want me to talk to her about it, because it upsets her as well, and she's going through depression right now. She very grudgingly agreed to let me go to a gender therapist, but she doesn't think I can know about my gender until I'm living on my own and supporting myself. I told her that this would help me sort it out.

    There was something else I was going to mention...but I can't remember it right now.