Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation: How They Interact

I'm FtM and I like guys. I'm a guy who likes guys. I'm gay, not straight.

I don't know if you messes up on the FtM part.

 

Same here (ftm, prefers guys, is gay). Order error, perhaps?

 

I think the first two are the wrong way around.

Regardless, it's a great post and I certainly think it's good to have this all laid out.

 

I wish more LGB people could see this, since there is still SO much transphobia (especially transmisogyny) in our community. Just today, I heard someone (a gay male) making transphobic remarks, and it really saddens me that people like him, who presume to fight for LGBT rights, fail to acknowledge the T in LGBT.

 

This is a great post. I have always been a bit confused about how transgender identify. Thanx for clarifying this

 

THANK YOU. For clarifying this.
I've always been wondering...

But what about someone who is bigendered/agendered/etc.? Is it based on their biological sex?
What if they're androgynous/hermaphrodite, is there no labels for it?

 

I've pretty much thrown my hands up on labeling myself any specific sexual orientation. I totally embrace being queer, since I am definitely not straight lol. It just makes me uncomfortable to try and pin-down everything I find enjoyable about sex into one neat little package. /shrug

 

Same here, I gave up on labels. I'm genderqueer (genderfluid), bio female but leaning towards (but NOT ALWAYS) male, probably pansexual but prefer girls. What the heck is a label that fits me?

 

THANK YOU!!!

i had a lesbian arguing with me that a transgender male can just be a lesbian with her! i said no, if a transgender male has sexual desire for you, he's having a man's heterosexual desire, he does not like the idea of doing it lesbian-style, he's straight! she could not even understand after i gave her links to read.

not only do i need help understanding my own gender identity, now i find out gays and lesbians sometimes are just as ill-informed as straight folk. God help us!:help:

 

I'm genderqueer, and I really don't like having to assign an orientation to myself. I don't categorize other people by gender. Because there's so much ignorance, I often don't explain my gender issues to people who aren't close to me (I will if I have time, but it's kind of a sit-down conversation). I will tell them that I'm pansexual (or bi, in a pinch) but it's not a term I connect to myself in my head. I'm a human, and I'm attracted to other humans. Particularly dominant humans equipped with handcuffs.

 

Good idea with this thread!

It's always surprised me that people seem to have such trouble distinguishing sexual preference from gender identity, especially those who count themselves as part of the LGBT scene. But like most issues of ignorance, education is the best tonic - so good job Hot Pink.

As for my own situation, I kinda feel that while gender identity and sexuality are seperate, one is dependant on the other. If you don't know what gender you identify with, or are yet to decide, then you can't really say what your sexuality is.

Seeing as I havn't been able to understand who I am yet, I'm kinda in the odd position of knowing who I'm attracted too, but not being able to explain to others. For the most part I just avoid discussing the subject with people, but I guess if I was pressed to describe myself, I'd simply say I'm undecided.

 

Good topic. I find that the most discrimination I encountered against transwomen was from straight males, and the most discrimination I've encountered against transmen was from gay guys.

I've witnessed some really bad cases of discrimination from gay guys too! It seems like around me the reasoning that's trendy is that : Transmen who happen to be gay are just f*ghags trying to have sex with an actual gay man. That gets me to wonder why the penis is SO important to gay guys... I mean, I'm a transman, and I can switch my penis at will depending of what my lover wants and all, can bio males say the same about theirs? Sounds like jealousy though lol

So Yay! for informing people I'd like to know if there are some information posters that are funny and nice to look at that we could order and post in our local gay bars?

 

i bet the gay men are just insecure of their own identity if they accidentally fall in love with a transgender man. just like if they were straight and fell in love with a transgender woman. they maybe feel tricked or violated, like it was a game to use them for sex? that means they need to actually talk to and listen to...US! i think its had to step into another person's shoes, but if you try you can at least not be so rude, because trying to understand shows character.

 

Just another gay (trans)man checking in. Thanks for putting this up.

 

Yes! And this is a fact that should be much better understood.


I think this pretty interesting territory, and I was hoping I could get some thoughts from transfolks on a couple of questions related to sexual orientation and how to respect gender identity. If I screw up, please don't bite my head off. These questions come from a place of good faith and trying to be a trans-ally.

1) Although it has been mentioned that transmen can use a strap-on if that is desired by his (cis) gay partner so that in theory, there shouldn't be a violation of expectation of a certain kind of body... I guess what I am asking is, is it problematic for a man who is looking for a female body not to want to date a transwoman?

2) In relationships between cis and trans folks, is it disrespectful for the cis person to play with the equipment of the transperson? (Like vaginal sex between a transman and a cisman, for example.)

 

T'is done.

 

#2, yes! if you dated me, and grabbed for a "breast" or went to touch my "female", id #1 be in instant horror shock, #2 fee like you wanted me to be your girl , #3 feel like you lied never really understood what i told you all along I AM A BOY INSIDE and you think I'm really a horny faking it girl all giggly inside, #4 i would lose all sexual desire immediately, #5 i would look at you differently like you used me don't care about what i expressly told you was important to me, #6 all the above happens in a moment so in about a second after you smile and try for "vagina" i automatically without much thinking make a fist and pound you as hard as my fist can in the nose...not joking...i will break it u will bleed, #7 after my humiliation and disgust in my body and your actions which now feel dirty and scary...i will be in a sort of shock of who am i what is going on i am not (if you were woman id say I'm not a fu@kin lesbian) .., #8 i would get back my right mind and get rage and now see you as a punching bag if a man...but if you were a woman i would be like i can't hit a girl S#!T! , #9 i would get dressed without talking just frowning and go away, #10 we will never date again you blew a good thing no matter what you say or sorry be i can't get the image out of my mind.

so this is not attack. ok, i am explaining in as much detail as possible exactly how i would react and think and feel if it happened to my body. if you fall in love with a transman, odds are he feels such dysphoria about the scary wrong body parts that grew on him, he ignores there existence as much as possible, and you in intimacy and love touching them is like ice with fire, a kiss + a baseball bat to the skull, saying i love you then spitting on them and saying i hate you die. that kind of confused mixed emotion, the moment of passion and joy suddenly betrayed by an unnatural act. does that help explain our mindset? i hope?

i know a lesbian who saw my face and hoped i was too, no problem for anyone to like me or hope right? but i said no, but if she not tell our mutual friends, i am not straight exactly either, I'm pretty sure I'm a transgender man. to that she remarked i cold just be a lesbian. no, i began to explain all i could, how lesbianism is a real turnoff, no nothing for me to do, I'm a guy, i want to...well you know. (its like being castrated, you can feel like you got one but look down and someones cut it off! its awful!) to this day she has tried a little bit to get it, she says she sees my face now and kinda sees a guy, good cause i do too sometimes (with longer hair, i swear i looked in my binder and mens jeans a lot like a mtf, weird). but sometimes she forgets, she says female pronouns which are weird from her lips to me, and she talked about my "cli#". very very uncomfy. girl talk? um, nope.

i dont blame you at all for asking, opposite thank God you are! gee! i got some links to transgender sites if you want more peeps views. we are not all the same. i am gonna guess maybe you could find a ftm who was cool with you feeling him up there, but if it were me, you better run.

ps, feel free to message my wall if you have any other questions about ftm, glad to help.

---------- Post added 6th May 2012 at 12:52 PM ----------

YEAAAHH!! you awesome mod for fixing that, its real important people read it right! I'm straight because i like women, not gay. it made me do a double take when i 1st read that.

ps. i like your tiger, a very cute choice

 

Okay, that answers my question. Thanks for the Trans 101 even though it's not your duty to educate me.