So, hi. I'm feeling a little guilty for coming back after not even entering this site for almost, I don't know, six, eight months. I was kinda of busy, but mostly, kinda of happy/in peace. Now I'm feeling troubled again, and here I am. I feel like that kinda of person who only your friend when they need you, and then they forget you. Sorry about that. Apologies made, I need your help again. In the last, what, year? I guess, I've been working pretty well on accepting my non-heterosexuality. The fact that I'm not sure about being gay, or bisexual, or even just a very open-minded heterosexual wasn't even bothering me that much, I just assumed that it was something to figure out with time. The fact that there was a lot going on on other areas of my life is probably the reason why I didn't dedicated that much thought to those questions. But, things have settled down (a little, but, still) since then, and my mind again started to worry about those things. I do feel attraction to men: I'm almost 100% sure of this. Damn, maybe not so sure. But i guess that the fact that I'm don't feel particularly disgusted by the idea of kissing (and other things, if know what I mean) with men (actually, not disgusted is kind off an euphemism) is a signal that I'm definitely more bisexual/gay than anything else. But I'm digressing. The issue that is worrying me is about gender. I guess I've mentioned it already, but I have a sort of a fetish for women clothes. It used to be a purely sexual thing, but lately I'v caught myself thinking about it, and wanting very hard to wear women clothes and makeup and stuff, and it's not always just about excitation, sometimes ... I just feel that doing this would be very relaxing, somehow. I don't feel any of the things that I read are related to transsexuals: I don't hate/dislike my genitalia, I don't feel bad when wearing men's clothes (in fact, I think that I look ridiculous in women clothes, but almost cute on men's). I do feel a lot more feminine/fragile/emotional than I most guys that I know seems to be. It's like a repressed female side, who I don't feel comfortable/confident enough to express. So, in the end the thing is that I'm having those pretty strong desires about dressing up and I don't know what to do about them. I mean, I want to indulge them, but it's a complicated thing to do right now. I'm more concerned about what they mean, and what will happen if I indulge than. That's, I think, it. Any help/advice is welcome.
I get that this can be very confusing, and I went through it for a time. Actually, I am only just experimenting with crossdressing. But I am definitely not transgender or genderqueer, so what gives? I think that there is a difference between gender felt, and gender presented. It sounds to me like you have a strong cismale identity even if you do identify commonly-thought-of feminine qualities about yourself. My advise? Get a big pink dress and love it.
