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until and unless i fully transition, does it mean I'm gay?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Deaf Not Blind, May 22, 2012.

  1. Deaf Not Blind

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    hi. i like women, ok, i admit it now. but i think of myself as a guy, and am straight, ok?
    but that girl i know said because i like women that makes me gay. is that true? even though i refuse to act on it in thuds state? just because I'm starting to look at them more...and ok i accidentally refer to women as them when typing or speaking to people i not come out to, I'm not gay if I'm a male inside, or does my body shape just mean I'm gay to the world? :confused:
     
  2. Pret Allez

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    No, that's stupid transphobic bullshit. You're a straight guy.

    That's not to say of course that you won't be "gay to the world", the vast majority of which hasn't taken Gender 101.
     
  3. Deaf Not Blind

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    thanks dude!

    but it is sad that i may be perceived as gay when that is confusing to how i see it. i certainly don't want females to think i am lesbian! very very much don't like no!
    and i would not really find much help in a group of lesbians or gay guys, i would find only support like you are doing...to help me with people who know little to nothing...not same as with support of other transgendered straight guys.

    i appreciate your confirmation of what i knew inside. I'm only gay if i like guys...not girls. :wink:
     
  4. J Snow

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    I've actually done quite a bit of thinking into this myself. Of course the obvious answer is really "It shouldn't matter anyway." And really, labels should be unimportant anyway.

    Lately, it has been my opinion that if I were to transition, I'd probably be so happy just being me that I wouldn't care much about my sexuality anyway.

    So, basically I'm just going to opt out of giving you a direct answer and just say, gay is just a word. You are attracted to what you are attracted to, and that's all that really matters.
     
  5. Zontar

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    Define "transition".

    You can start "transitioning" as soon as you dress and live male. It's not dependant on having all these medical procedures done.

    So really, this question is meaningless.
     
  6. Hot Pink

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    I considered myself a lesbian for four years before I started taking hormones and stuff. If you're a guy on the inside and you like women, you're straight. That simple.
     
  7. Deaf Not Blind

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    :slight_smile:

    Thank you.
    It is something I need to accept. You know?
    I have not worn female items in weeks.
    I cant, my mind is happy. I woke up yesterday morning and my seeing my prosthetic in dim sunlight looked like my dream come true that I woke up male. I was so happy to feel male and really male and happy to have my boy my penis! Stupid huh? :slight_smile:
    But I have not felt so much peace and joy and normalcy.

    I wont know until I allow myself to date all. And although yeah i am the start on transitioning i guess i have not seen therapist or started T that i wat i mean by transition above. When others see me as male.
     
  8. Ianthe

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    If the girl thinks you are a woman, and she knows you like women, she is going to believe you are a lesbian. It will stay like that until you tell her you are a man.

    It is not what you are, but you can't expect her to know until you tell her. But she's wrong about your gender, not your sexual orientation.

    So, yes, I'm afraid that, while you are still in the closet regarding your gender, anyone who perceives your attraction to women will consider you gay.

    I know that you don't mean it this way, but you might want to think about how it will feel to lesbians if you seem to be insulted by the idea that you're one of us. (I'm not offended, I'm just anticipating that some people might be.) It wouldn't be the fact that you aren't a lesbian that would be upsetting--rather, what would be upsetting is that you seem to think it would be horrible if you were a lesbian.

    Of course lesbians can't give you the same kind of support you would get from a fellow transguy. But a lesbian friend might be willing to go with you to trans events or support services so that you don't have to go by yourself. And, a lesbian is likely to have some familiarity with the LGBT community at large, and could help you navigate while you get involved for the first time.
     
  9. Aldrick

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    No, not stupid. I'm a gay male and I love my penis too. In fact, by definition I think loving penis so much is what makes me gay. :lol:

    In all seriousness, what others have told you is true. While most of society will identify you as a lesbian if they perceive you as a woman; that doesn't make it true. You're a man where it counts, and since you're attracted to women that makes you straight. It really is that simple.

    In the end, all that matters is what you feel and believe. Forget about the haters; their opinions don't matter in the long run.
     
  10. Deaf Not Blind

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    oh, no! she is the gal i came out to 1st! she hit on me! she thought i looked lesbian in a photo on fb our mutual friend had. :slight_smile: she is not at all understanding me that i have told her a lot about myself now and transgender what it is and is not, but she keeps coin it, saying things like that. :/ she STILL see me as gay. oh well. it just drives me further away from her. her loss. and is sad as she lives close to sf, goes to pride parades, and said she has not been friends or knows any transfolk. she should read more living and working there.

    it would be horrible to be a lesbian to me as to you to be a gay man. but the reason it bothers me is that girl had when we 1st talked about me insisted "just become a lesbian!" argh! see how that feels? real turn off honestly. i have not great words how to explain. lesbians seem to really like themselves and all about femaleness in themselves and others, but i don't want it projected on me or pushed on me...it feels like a religious cult or nun order...trying to recruit me...and I'm a guy! so i fleeeee!! *running!*

    the closest thing i gots right now to what you said: my buddy who is gay, he was 2nd guy i told. :slight_smile: he has known me for years as a straight conservative "female" and was a little suprized but very happy i came out to him. i hope i get to hang out this summer with him, AND his transgender friends he said he will meet me with. :slight_smile: i do hope one day more will know about transgenderism. it suprizes me there is not more "family" bathrooms.

    ---------- Post added 24th May 2012 at 01:59 AM ----------

    Thank you for writing you support.
    So I guess I got to find a way to accept not only I have like girls most my life, but that others will see me as different, weird, not-straight...and most around here use generic gay for both men and lesbian ladies.
    It is going to take some time for me to come to terms with it.
    I was brought up thinking it is wrong...and I have always hidden the truth (except from one family as a kid who i told innocently i wanted to grow up into a man) because i knew it was deviant.
    I am not as scared of my transgenderism now, thanks to everyone helping me.
    Like I said, that one morning I just felt me, male, fine with myself, real...and just lovey my penis!! hehehe! (Thanks for telling me I am not only one. feel like such a dork though. )

    And words hurt anyways especially if someone does hate me. but i think it is because i have God's unearned love in my chest...i just love everyone, so i can't help but love "haters"...besides, honestly, somebody coulda mistaken me for one just 6 months ago!
    so i also will have more to forgive, huh?