Okay, I'm taking a risk sounding like a total idiot with this thread. And I have to say upfront that I understand transgenderism and that the chemistry makeup of the brain is not consistent with the gender of the body. I totally get that and I take my hat off to anyone who comes out as transgendered. That would take a heck of a lot of guts. (My four year old daughter has started telling me recently that she is really a boy, and I have told her that some girls feel like they're really boys, and it's okay no matter if they're girl or boy, and it's most important to me that she's a good person and she's happy…I let her wear girl clothes or boy clothes, play with girl toys or boy toys, etc. So, really, I'm not a transgenderphobe. - if that's a word.) This is what I don't understand: We had a neighbour for 15 years. He was married and had three kids who are now all grown up. He was an airline pilot, and a total player. Like, I mean, he would go out and sleep with anyone he could get his hands on while he was away from home. He was open about his affairs to his wife. He was sort of a jerk, actually. The guy spent all his time in his hot, sweaty garage, always had on muscle shorts and workout tanks. He was ripped, tan, and very proud of his muscly body. His baby was his Harley, which made a lot of noise. He was constantly working on something with his tools. Then a few years ago his wife went to KY to take care of her aging father, and just never came back. SHe left him and divorced him for a man that treated her really well. Then we started noticing that the neighbour's lips got poofy. He'd had Botox. Then he started walking with a very strange-looking artificial swing to his hips. VERY difficult to reproduce, as it obviously took so much energy. Then he started growing boobs. He also started growing his hair our, waxed everything on his body except his head, got makeup tattooed on his face, and started going by the female equivalent of his name. He got a boyfriend, and evidently is having a total sex change operation. We were in the book store recently and saw him walk in with little workout shorts and a big blonde curly wig on his head, looking at the magazines and books in the gun section. Now I know I'm sounding very intolerant and disbelieving, but that's because it's SO HARD to understand how a guy who was so completely womanizing and hard-core masculine and seemed so very at home with himself before, could go to being a woman and seem so pretentious and even uncomfortable and unhappy. He's definitely paranoid about his public perception now because now he carries a club with him in public. Yes like a police night stick. I thoroughly understand that some people are born the wrong gender. But could it be that some people react to really hard situations or circumstances, or even act out in revenge, by doing something so drastic as to change their own reality by changing their their own gender? That doesn't seem to make sense either. Either way, it saddens me. It saddens me for him if he was really a girl all along and didn't feel free to share that, and even felt like he needed to be the most macho of all men, and it saddens me that now he is having a hard time with the choice he's made. What do you guys think? Can anyone shed some light?
I don't think it's likely that someone would go through such a drastic change out of spite for their circumstances. I wouldn't say it's impossible, but I don't think that's what's going on here. This is just conjecture on my part, but here's what I think might have happened: your friend was born a woman in a man's body, but raised as a man and treated like a man all her life. At some point, she resigned herself to the fact that she was going to have to live as a man, so she dealt with that by being the most masculine, macho guy she could be. She had to, because living like that was so unnatural for her that if she didn't put her all into it, she'd doubt herself and be unable to keep up the façade. But once her wife left her, she didn't have any reason to keep the façade up any longer. Or maybe her wife leaving her was the impetus she needed to say, "This isn't who I am, and I've become kind of a jerk." Again, that's just my guess, but I think it's plausible.
My view is this: Trans people in my experience can go two ways: either that can be up front right away and be like: I am a girl/boy/GQ/etc or they can be terrified and try to squash the feelings as much as possible. If you've ever seen the UK special My Transsexual Summer, one of the women on it Karen took on very masculine jobs and stuff to hide her transsexualism. For me, I can't say I really tried to hide the fact that I was trans, but most people don't jump to that conclusion so I was fine. For your neighbour, it seems as though maybe the divorce was a result of her transition. In my opinion, it seems like she desperately tried to hide the fact that she was truly a woman, which may explain her multiple affairs and motorcycle love. But gender is not a little box you can tick off. It's a spectrum and most of us do not fall on one extreme or another, just usually in the middle. I don't know if this post makes any sense, sorry if it didn't >.>
There isn't really a definite answer as to why gender identity disorder happens. It is something you battle with for your entire life until you fix it. Which sounds like what your neighbor went through. Honestly if she is living as a girl now then that must have taken a lot of guts. Your daughter could be trans, or she could be cisgender. The most important thing to do is to keep an eye on her and support her. If she really starts showing signs then take her to a gender therapist and find out more from there ^,^ Also, transgendered is not a word, it's just transgender; and it's transphobic not transgenderphobe
I'm confused about myself too... But I'm scared to come to an answer. I feel happy picturing myself as a woman and i have this feeling every time. I want to be held in another person's arms. I hid myself from my thoughts for quite a while. Honestly, I didn't really know myself that much until now. I keep exploring. I started to realize that I'm gender confused. I have this that I want to be female and I'm afraid of my body becoming more male as I get older. What makes me scares of approaching my problem because of the horror stories about regret I see on TV. I shouldn't pay attention to TV anymore, but it usually gets to me.
Trans people often compensate to avoid people suspecting them when they're in the closet. Also, they may act overly masculine or feminine as a way of trying to force themselves into getting better. I also know an trans woman who is rough, tough, and masculine. That's just how she is, though. She enjoys it, but that doesn't mean she's not a woman.
yeah, it is possible. just before giving up on the fakery, I had REALLY put all my muster into becoming a WOMAN (puke) and gonna like it, Damn it! Cuz women like them boobs, so I will make mine bigger with a PUSH UP BRA, yeah! That should do it! I tried everything I could tolerate. I got compliments. I internally was not happy. I was not out to myself, but I didn't even know there were options, I thought I had no choice but be a tomboy and be alone or learn to love myself as what I am stuck as and try to live as others do. I almost dated a guy too, didn't want to kiss him at all, but I wanted to use him as a prop to prove I was normal to everyone else. That is the honest sad truth. Forgive me. ---------- Post added 9th Jul 2012 at 12:53 AM ---------- So you mean it is something many of us do, again I am not the only one? I literally planned a strategy to FORCE myself normal thinking! Gosh I need to meet and talk with more like me. Now how do I become real and completely end this game?
Thanks for your responses. It doesn't seem to me that anyone would change their gender just as a way to change reality or to get revenge on an ex, so I have had to assume that he was a woman all along! And how sad that she didn't take hold of that earlier. I very much understood suppression. But we were so so so shocked to get it from him/her. I'm happy for her if she's happy now. As for my own daughter, it would be hard to believe she's really a boy. She's a very beautiful, very blonde, pink-frilly-wearing princess-playing nail-polish-wearing girl. But she also has her moments of tomboyishness. She may very well have something other going on - maybe she'll be gay. She was completely enthralled with the idea that some girls marry girls, and some boys marry boys. So I'll just keep an eye on her and keep the communication lines open as she grows. I'm very sensitive to waht she wants to wear and how she wants to present herself, since my mother never was sensitive to that and forced me to dress girly. Right now she wants to wear pink and grow her hair long. But that could change...
The world is a strange seeming place at times, but it's all our differences, big and small, that make it interesting to live in. Trying to keep it in is hard, but some people can hide it better than others. I've never felt any attachment to my physical gender or gender roles associated with it so the fact that I have had to try and keep it inside has been soul crushing and caused me to be depressed and anti social for nearly all of my life just out of shame at how I look and how it doesn't fit how I feel. People can be filled with despair, like they could never afford the change, the therapy even, and just try and do what society expects of them, but the knowledge of what is inside, the dream to one day show your real self to the world. It never dies. Perhaps it makes others uncomfortable, And although that saddens me, I accept that it is a part of life that is outside my ability to change. Even so, it would probably be greatly appreciated if you did not treat this person differently than other women. Just smile, be polite, use the correct pronouns, and generally give them the same space to be themselves and live their life that you would want for yourself.
The best thing to do is to support your daughter like you are doing, and I'm sorry to hear about your mother.
