I've been wondering about this for a pretty long time. I've tried to google it and look at forums and youtube videos. But I would really love some input on this. I apologize for using labels people may not identify with, but it seemed like it be the easiest to describe. For butch women. How did you know you were a masculine women and not a man? Do you have any body dysphoria? Have you ever thought about transitioning and, if you did, why didn't you feel that was the right decision for you? How do you feel when people mistake you for male? Which pronouns do you prefer or does it just not bother you? For trans men, ftm. How did you know you were male and not just a women who act/dress masculine? Do you plan to transition and eventually be stealth? Do you feel that you need to take T or have surgery? How do you feel when people misgender you and use female pronouns? I know these are some pretty personal questions, I hope I don't offend anyone. But I really having some questions about how people feel. I have recently identified under the transgender umbrella, because I know I am not a cis gendered female. I have met with some ftm groups and I've been seriously thinking about gender. I know I don't want to live as a girl, but I would be uncomfortable living as a man. I've recently changed my name to a more androgynous name and I do feel better not having to be referred to by my very girly birth name, which reminds me of the ideal female that I cannot and will not achieve. My trans friends sees me as a guy and use male pronouns, which I like, but at the same time, I don’t mind being called she/her. I do have some chest dysphoria, and I find I have more confidence when I bind my chest and I have it bound most of the time. But, I don’t hate it enough to want to surgically remove them. I still am sort of alright going to the beach or something with a sports bra and tank top. I mean I know T is an option, but I don’t know if the benefits of T for me outweigh some of the risks and unwanted effects. The line between female identified butch and male identified trans is sometimes so difficult to distinguish. And I’d really like to hear other people’s experience in this. Thanks
Personally, I don't think you need to try so hard to fit into a mold that society has handed you. Do you need to be a butch woman or a trans man? What about gender-bending? Be neither? Though I identify as trans male, for me i'm not 100% sure what that means yet or if I want to physically transition, or simply bind my chest to appear male. I know that being called "she" is really uncomfortable for me, but at the same time (like you) being seen as male is both exciting and wonderful as well as terrifying. Take it slow. Maybe try and find some gender neutral people to talk to about it. I know a friend of a friend who calls themselves Gavin and considers themselves somewhere in between male and female and call themselves "They" instead of he or she. Maybe that's you?
Oh I totally get what you mean. Labels arn't the best way to describe it, but it was the best I could do with the langauge. I do like to hear other people's experiences with this though. I don't think there is a right way, just thought its be cool to hear other points of view. I'm actually at a pretty good place right now. I feel like for now at least, changing my name is enough. I don't really need my friends to change pronouns for me, but they have said that they are ready to do so whenever I want them to. I have explained to some of them not to correct strangers when they gender me as male in public. I present as male (a very young boy male) and I still welcome being refered to as a guy by my trans friends. Same as you, I don't know if I want to physically transition into a male adult, or stay as a masculine/feminine in between boy. I'm interested in that "trans enough" debate.
I am very tomboyish and sometimes I do think about transition. I wouldn't do it, though. I can stick with my body, it's not that I hate it or anything like that. But if there was a way to smaller my breasts without surgery (like for example eating some pills), I would do that, because my breasts are bigger than I would like to :rolle: But I do not bind them, because I'm scared of some possible health problems it could lead to and when I tried it, it felt uncomfortable. Fortunately, I've got a name that is used for both males and females :icon_wink People address to me as to her, but I don't mind that. When strangers address to me as to a boy, I feel kind of pleased, because I'm actually trying to look like a boy most of the time :lol:
I've never wanted to be a man, but I do dress more masculine. It's just a way that I feel more comfortable dressing. Some women like wearing dresses, makeup, nail polish and skirts but I've never felt comfortable in those things. I just dress the way that I feel comfortable!
Hey! I totally and utterly identify with what you described. This is a really hard question. My advice is to forget about society and just ask yourself "who am I?". Really just look at yourself. In order to be happy in this life you need to be happy with who you are and to really be that person. The answer doesn't come straight away but slowly it sinks in. I tried for the past year and a half to fit in with the girls but there was just always something... off. I was always different. So now I have made a promise to myself to be who I am no matter what anyone says or thinks. Uhm... what more can i tell you that might possibly help you... Uh.. I hated my body since puberty hit. So now I really want to transition but it's scary as hell. And hell is pretty scary I'm told. Also I am an semi-pro athlete so I have a HUGE problem there. That aspect of transitioning is the hardest for me. Okay so, feel free to contact me if you have some questions you think I might be able to give some sort of decent answer to. Or just if you want to talk to someone. Good luck with your search and remember that you are not alone. No matter what you decide you are very brave just to consider the possibility. Not anyone can do that.
There is something about being feminine that doesn't appeal to me. I hate being called a girl or a lady. A lot of the time I wish I was male.
I myself identify as pangender. I never have really feminine days anymore. I still have days where I feel more female than others, but I still dress masculine. I also have days where I feel like a male. I also have days weher I feel in between both genders. So... I guess that I am stuck in the middle..
I feel the same way... I'm a guy but I can act really feminine but sometimes I can more like myself a guy... But I've come to the conclusion that im pan
Hey, I've been feel the same way! I am a very tomboysih girl and have recently been thinking about starting to bind becasue of my chest dysphoria. I feel like it would def give me a confidence boost. I have more of a boyish style, but as for being an FTM I'm still not sure. I mean I have always wanted to have more of a guy's shape and features (no chest, muscular, athletic, etc) but at for the full transition I cannot see that happening. @thecat06 mentioned pangender and I've been trying to find out more about that because I think that could be a category I fall under. Can some explain exactly what pangender means??
Looks like we have a lot in common. I'm someone that previously identified as a tomboyish female, but honestly, I think I'm past that point. I consider myself more... inbetween. I don't mind being called by female pronouns and such. The fact that I'm physically a woman doesn't really bother me, though I too would rather bind my chest, though in my case I'd need compression vest or something like that because of size issues. I respond better to male pronouns even though female ones don't bother me, and I too am very confused at the moment. I've been thinking about it a lot however and I can say I'm transgender, because I'm not entirely female, especially mentally and I realize this. To be honest, that's all I need. Maybe you need more clarity than I do, but I'm actually okay with knowing I'm transgender and that's it. Maybe I will try and get myself a compression vest, maybe I won't. I'd like to try it at least. But I'm not going to surgically change anything about myself. I'm fine being the way I am and it's great having friends that are very understanding about this too. Recently a friend used a male form of a word to describe me and it just... felt great to know I have friends that understand me. So in short: I don't use a specific label myself, I consider myself somewhere in between. Maybe you can do the same? If you can't... take some time to think about it. You don't just figure things like this out overnight, you don't have to either, so take the time you need. Meanwhile, we'll all be here to support you, and it looks like your friends will be too.
I might be able to help fill the gap a bit, because I'm NOT butch. I'm soft and feminine, I like wearing girl clothes sometimes (although I try to de-emphasize my breasts and hips), and I like to be "topped" so to speak. At the same time, I don't and have never felt like a true girl. I'm really probably closer to a very feminine guy. This has created a huge amount of self-doubt because I don't really feel like I make much sense... Anyways, to me that's kind of the difference between a butch woman and a transman. Whether you feel comfortable as a woman or not.
I'm bi but definitely not feminine. I feel uncomfortable in a dress and don't own heels. Don't like make-up and nail polish either, and have short hair (which is still too long to my liking) I don't hate my body (don't have dysphoria) but there are days where I wonder what it would've been like if I were male. I often think of myself as "the son my parents never had" though I don't identify as transgender. I am physically very strong for a female and have a bigger build too. I like rough and tumble and don't mind getting dirty. Lol. I hate being referred to as a girl or a lady, it's just way too feminine to my liking. I don't mind being called female or a woman though, but it makes me smile if someone calls me dude. It's hard for me to go shopping because my parents don't understand that I want to dress gender neutral. Most of my clothes I have - and want to replace - are too girly to my liking and that makes me uncomfortable. Since I started coming out, I've been trying to wear the more gender neutral stuff I have. But try and get that into closed-minded parents' heads! :eusa_doh:
Okay, Imma answer twice. Once for me, and once for what I think my girlfriend would probably say, since she's much more in your part of the spectrum. For me, who is butch in appearance but lacks the stereotypical personality associated. I knew I was a more butch type of person because of the things I like. I like building things, and power tools, and getting dirty, and heavy machinery, and welding, and took metal shop and loved it. However, I started out very girly, but I just wanted to look more like my idea of cool and sexy. I had nothing against my long hair or my feminine clothes. I still don't, I miss my hair once in a while. But I just felt like I could look better. So I cut my hair short. Then shorter. Then shorter. Then shorter. Then shorter. And then I added flannel to my wardrobe, and loved it. And that's what brought me to where I am today. I've always been a girl at heart, and I never felt like a man at all. Very unhelpful, I know. I'm sorry. Nobody has mistaken me for male, and it really makes me upset when I'm called masculine pronouns because that's how I was bullied as a child. Now, for what I think my sweetheart would say. She doesn't know. She's in a lot of the grey areas like you are. She says she feels mostly male inside, but she's still a woman in a few ways too. (She's a sucker for Say Yes to the Dress, it's hilarious XD). She does have body dysphoria, but she likes her breasts. It's more because she feels she's too fat and not muscular enough, and she would love very much to have narrower hips and a smaller butt. She's thought about transitioning, a lot. And she would, except that the surgery is so limited and awful for FtMs that it's impossible for her to become "a real man" in her eyes. She also knows I'm not attracted to guys... And as much as I feel bad for influencing that decision, she insists that she's not going to change the parts of her body that I like. She's used to being mistaken for male, she's been asked which she was since she was 14, and that doesn't bother her. It also doesn't bother her when people know she's a girl either. She's fine with either pronouns, she said she wouldn't be opposed to switching someday. I'm afraid that switching pronouns is a deal breaker for me, as it feels like too much of a clash with my personal identity. I'd like to be more supportive and be able to go bisexual for her, since she still would be the same person if she became a he.. But I just can't do that. I'm too attached to my lesbian identity to feel alright with dating someone who would rather be seen as strictly male by the rest of the world. I feel guilty for having that hang up, but I've learned it's dangerous to try and force what feels wrong. I'd always love and care for her, and be her friend, but the dating relationship would have to end.
