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Coming out as trans in college?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by electrolicious, Sep 5, 2012.

  1. I haven't attended a traditional (non-online) class in a couple years, so disclosing that I'm trans hasn't been an issue for a while, and even then, I only felt comfortable coming out to one of my profs. I'm not really sure why I couldn't bring myself to tell the others. This semester, I'll be having one of the same profs I had pre-name change. I doubt he'll remember my birth name, so I'm not worried that he'll slip up or anything, but I want to come out to him this time. It's a Spanish class that requires a fair amount of participation, so I imagine that gender will come into the equation, since it's a gender-specific language.

    My next class is tomorrow evening, and I'm looking for a decent way to disclose. If I remember correctly, he doesn't check his e-mail often, so I ruled that out. Thus, I've limited it to two options: 1) I tell him either before or after the first class. I think I recall he would arrive to class just before it started, so there wouldn't be time to discuss it then. 2) If he or one of my classmates call me a female or feminine pronoun, I would casually tell them I'm a guy. As a note, I have an androgynous name now.

    I can see pros and cons to both of these scenarios. In the first scenario, there's obviously more privacy, and if he calls me the right pronouns, my classmates may be more apt to follow. On the other hand, they might just shrug him off as being weird and continue calling me "she" and stuff. In the second scenario, people would know right off the bat which pronouns I use, so although it's not an absolute, they may be more likely to get my gender correct without officially having to come out. However, they might also think I'm joking, especially since I don't really pass. I'll be binding and my voice is decently masculine according to others who I trust to be honest with me, etc. but for some reason, I don't pass. Nevertheless, I don't care. I want to be true to myself, and if that means being visibly trans, so be it.

    Anyway, I'm thinking that the first option is probably the best, but if anyone could give a compelling argument for the second, I would be willing to consider that one more. Additionally, I would appreciate any other ideas for how to disclose to my prof. Oh, and I should mention that while his English isn't horrible, it's not his first language, and he is a bit older, like 65+. If he doesn't understand what I'm telling him, is there a simple way to convey I'm trans in a way he might grasp easily?

    Thanks for reading.
     
  2. Romi

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    If I'm not being super clear or helpful, bear with me, I'm just in a lot of head pain at the moment. Still, I didn't want your thread going unanswered.

    In my opinion, I think it would be best to try and catch the professor before class. If you can somehow track down his office contact information then you might be able to meet with him even before the very first day of class, that way you have more time to explain you situation address any questions or concerns he may have. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this approach, assuming he is a genuinely caring professor. Most of the teachers I've had throughout the years are always more than willing to meet their students outside of class to discuss, not only issues of the actual course, but life issues as well. I would hope that your Spanish professor is no different.

    As for English not being his native language: I'm sure that he will still understand what you're talking about, but if that's not the case, then I would do a little research beforehand. Try to find the Spanish equivalents of any significant words you will have to use to describe your situation. This might even get you some bonus points, since its a conversation class and you're going out of your way to converse in Spanish outside of the classroom walls. Don't knock the idea, I've had professors like this. Ya just never know.

    If the incomprehension stems, not from language barriers, but from the simple lack of education in the lgbt and trans-specific world, then there are ways around that as well. Of course I expect you'll do your best to break it down to him, but if more information is needed then there are useful resources for him. Just like the resources children would give their parents when coming out.

    Hopefully he will be accepting, or in the least respectful, of who you are, and pass this on through the class by presenting you as exactly the person you are. If, however, this is not the case, then there are things that can be done. But I always like to think things will work out. So for now, be optimistic and give it your all. Make sure you address the urgency of this issue, that it needs to be discussed BEFORE class, even if it's just a few minutes before passing out the syllabus. And no matter what, BE YOURSELF. And be confident in referring to yourself as the person you are, not the person they want you to be.

    I really hope this turns out well for you. If things go sour or unpleasant in any way, please let us know here! And then we can help you through it all the same. (*hug*)

    ---------- Post added 5th Sep 2012 at 01:15 PM ----------

    And I should have added this before. But if you are unable to speak to him before class, then like I said....just be yourself, and be confident in doing so. If you refer to yourself as male...then more than likely others will, too. Even if they don't understand or they think you're weird for it [if they don't see you as a male], they'll probably be too respectful or cowardly to go against the base you've set up. If they do, again, let us know.

    Ah, good luck!
     
  3. Mai Hasegawa

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    I'm all for the first option - that was how I dealt with it and had absolutely no problems. The second option would be less clear and you don't want him wondering what's the deal with you. We T-people sometimes tend to think that "some things are obvious", but honestly, with social scientists yelling everywhere about gender expression freedom it would be even quite ignorant to just assume someone is trans based on their being out of normativity spectrum. I think explaining the issue plainly before or after classes is the perfect choice. And don't worry about the language, I had to explain the same thing to my Korean teacher who barely speaks English ;p
     
  4. J Snow

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    I think the first option seems like a pretty effective idea. I think you should try sending him an email. Even if he doesn't read it there is no harm, and then you can try talking to him before class as well.

    I'm actually kind of going through a fairly similar dilemma. I just started HRT yesterday, and I'm taking an Abnormal Psychology course. I know later into the semester we are covering a chapter on Gender Identity Disorder, and it makes me feel kind of uncomfortable to think about sitting through it without the professor knowing I'm trans. So I've considered emailing him to inform him that I'm currently undergoing HRT. Not sure if its a good or bad idea.

    Quite honestly, I think your plan is going to work out fine, and then if people do refer to you as female after the professor refers to you as a male, then correct them.
     
  5. He's actually not Hispanic, but German (the last class I took of his was German, and I'm really curious to hear him speaking Spanish aha). I did look up the words in both Spanish and German though. In Spanish, transexual is spelled the same, but has a different pronunciation, and both are also pretty similar in German, so the language shouldn't be an issue like I thought. As for if there's any other barrier that may cause him to not understand, I was planning to say something like "I'm transgender. I identify as a man, and prefer masculine pronouns, so could you please refer to me as such?" How does that sound? I don't want to sound like a pushover, but I also don't want to come across as too assertive, just confident. Confident and simple, if possible.

    Knowing me, it will probably take the whole three hour class to work up the nerve to go up to him, but now that I look back, I think you're right that people won't question it. Although I never corrected anyone on pronoun usage, I did go by an obviously male name in one class a few years ago. It was quite funny to hear people call me James while referring to me as "she" and after hearing me do a presentation on sexuality and gender identity. Then again, I gave up binding because it gave me horrible migraines and made my chest look larger, so there really wasn't a point. People might have thought I was MTF or something...

    I'll definitely let you guys know how everything goes. Thanks! (*hug*)

    That's true. Out of curiosity, how did you phrase it when you came out?

    First off, congrats on starting HRT! :slight_smile: You must be thrilled. I really would like to start hormones again.

    As for your situation, if you feel comfortable, I would do it. Out of all the kinds of profs you'll have, psychology ones will probably be among the most open-minded I think. That was the one class (PSY 101) where I felt safe being kind of out, and this was just shortly after coming out to myself. As I mentioned above, I even gave a presentation of sexuality and gender identity in this class.

    Although I took it online, abnormal psych was an awesome course, and going into it, I knew there was going to be a chapter on GID. At first, I thought it was just going to end up with me getting pissed off and feeling horrible about myself, but it was so far from the opposite. Most of my classmates handled the issue with a lot of respect, and I even had a wonderful discussion with someone who seemed to know more about it than I imagine the average person would. I was pleasantly surprised by that. I wasn't out as trans in this class, since the online nature meant I would have no problems passing, but I did consider casually mentioning it during that chapter that I wasn't a cisguy. In the end, I felt like it wasn't all that relevant. In your case, it could be wise to disclose though. Someone may say something rude, perhaps even triggering, and while a good prof would address that, you might find you need to go collect your thoughts outside. Hopefully, nothing like that would happen!

    I hope my plan works. Right now, I'm most concerned about my social anxiety deciding to take over tomorrow.
     
  6. Mai Hasegawa

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    Electrolicious (I just noticed your nickname and have to ask - are you by chance a fellow pzycho?), I said that I'm transexual, taking hormones and have to live as a grrrl despite having the old ID to actually get a new one. Mentioning that it's needed to go full-time to proceed with the legal transition seemed to be crucial. Surprisingly many people think your ID is YOU.
     
  7. For those who were curious how it went, I came out to my prof at the end of my class late night. During the whole three hour class, I wasn't once gendered as male or female, so that was both a relief and weird. I think the majority of the class was called he/she/gender-specific nouns. As I predicted, he didn't really get it at first, so I tried to explain it to him in a way that he'd understand. It basically went like "I need to talk to you about something important. I'm transgender. I identify as a male, and go by masculine pronouns so could you please refer to me like that?"

    He looked really confused and was kind of like "I don't get it."

    So I told him how I knew Spanish was a gender-specific language, and how certain words had male and female equivalents.

    He still looked puzzled, and started apologising (poor guy), because he thought I was insulted by having me use the word la camiseta, which means T-shirt, in a sentence.

    I was all "No, no, no, it's not that. I understand that all Spanish nouns have a gender. I mean when using words to describe a person, such as americana and americano. I want to be called americano, and other masculine versions of words." (I took your advice, Romi!)

    Anyway, he finally got it, and overall I think it went well. At the end of his conversation, he said he'll remember and that he'll call me masculine pronouns and stuff next week. Let's see if he sticks to it...

    I'm not a huge fan, but from what I've heard of Pzycho, I enjoy their music. At the time I signed up for EC, I was listening to this song a lot. I took a note from you in mentioning that it was an important issue, but the rest didn't really apply to me. I'm not on hormones at the moment, because long story short, my doctor was stupid/unprofessional, and I was able to do therapy instead of RLT.