I'm confused about my gender. Advice?

I would interpret that as gender dysphoria, but it's your decision to pick a gender label. You could be androgynous or genderqueer or fully transsexual... it's whatever you come to terms with.

I feel like you do about the breasts. I'm very lucky in that mine are very small, so I don't have to wear any kind of bra/support, and if I wear a loose t-shirt they're unnoticeable. I still wish they weren't there, although sometimes I like to touch them when they're covered up because I like how breasts feel--just not on me.

 

I started binding, (and I believe my breasts are the same size as yours, poss larger, haven't been sized in a while, so I totally know what it's like) and what I did to avoid questions (and still do) is bind when no ones around. That way I could work out how I felt about it, without having to answer questions. So, you could always try something like that till you're ready to tell them

 

Can you pinpoint why you feel this way and what either gender represents for you? It may be helpful to see a therapist trained in this area. What you are describing is not as unusual as you might think, you are certainly not alone. It would help for someone professional to help you sort this out.

I used to feel very strongly like you do. I don't want to brush this aside at all, just speak to the fact that a lot of people - especially women - go through that, and it does not mean necessarily that one must completely transition or leave womanhood behind. For me, the main reason I felt this way was I was in a very patriarchal home and community, and I was sexually abused as a kid because I was the only female kid in the family. What that meant to me is that everything about a woman is weak and not as good as a man, and doomed to misery, and that women's bodies are weird and not as good as a man's body. Because of the sexual abuse, I also thought male and female organs were both gross.

It took me many years to get out of that situation and find a new way to view women - as strong, as resilient, as activists. I learned to adjust to my body. I think I still would feel more comfortable in a man's body, but I don't want to do all the work to learn how to fit into that world - I already did so many years of work to learn how to fit in among women! So I deal. And I think I'm cool with it. It doesn't stress me out at all, I don't think about it all the time like I did when I was younger. I used to obsess over changing my name, binding my breasts, doing whatever I could to be who I thought I would have been if I had been born a boy - someone with privilege, with power, safety, someone whose career and money making was not limited, someone with respect, someone who got waited on - these were what a man was where I grew up. Women were people who got raped, who had less education, who served, who had no job and no money of their own, and who had weird huge things that stuck out of their chest and got in the way. Why would anyone want to be a woman?

Like I say, I'm not trying to brush this off, this is not the story for all people. All I'm saying is, this was the story for me and for also for other girls. For those that fit this story, major change may be necessary, but the change of living in a different reality where women can be strong and independent might be all that is needed. I am pretty femme now in mannerism and appearance, and it's not like that is happily ever after, but it's working out ok. I am less concerned about my body now and more concerned with what I do with my life, with how I impact the world. And for me, I don't think that's going to be through transitioning. I just don't need it anymore the way I used to feel I did - before those options were even available! If I had grown up now, maybe my path would have been different. But I am happy now, and that's all that matters.

Also, if you are really concerned about gender roles it might help only to be around people who do not expect all women to be high femme with makeup and heels and a skirt, but who allow women to be all shades in between masculine and feminine and androgyny.

Make it is more than that for you - maybe you really hate your body and cannot exist happily with it. Maybe you need it to be radically altered to fit your spirit. Hopefully this helps you think it out a little more to know what your situation is.

 

I went through the same feelings(opposite gender of course MTF) at one point I thought that I would just be a feminine guy because I always hated doing guy things even though I am thankful I know how to work on cars now because it has come in handy. I have recently come to the realization that I am trans and I am gladly accepting the lifestyle. Honestly I would just suggest playing around with everything to find your true self. Whether in the end if just as simple as getting a boob reduction surgery or as far as actually becoming a guy. Either way be yourself because nothing will make you happier.

 

I am in pretty much the same situation as you, I haven't talked about this to anyone. I am confused about my gender, born female and joined the forum to find some advice, when I saw this thread I thought it would be very useful. I can't offer any advice but wan't you to know you are not alone in your feelings.

 

Try it, and don't worry about what others will think. I mean, you already had expressed you discomfort with your breast openly before, so it's not like your family doesn't know you don't like them.

I know it's bothersome just to think on the questions they might make to you, but you have one thing on your favor: you're still young, so your family might think "it's only a phase" and let you do it; at least for a while. That could benefit you, since it will give you some time to observe how you feel with the binding.

 

I donr know if you could decribe it as transgender when you have no want to have a penis. If you truly wanted to be male, in my opinion you would want everything men have. And as for your breasts you might just hate them cause there so big, and would maybe be happier if they were smaller. I don't know if you get any attention for them but I know several big boobed girls who wish they could remove their breasts to stop guys staring at them and stuff.
Or you could be noticing the early sign that are gonna make you transgender. It may start as a body image thing that will turn out to become gender dyphoria. Ask yourself how do you feel about periods? How ytou face looks, like your femmine jaw line? Face hair? Body hair/shaving? Can't really think of anything else right now.
I think you should flatten your chest. If your scared to bind because of what other people might think, then I suggest buying a sports bra about 2 sizes too small. But if you are gonna bind stop using ace bandage! Trust me after a while it will kill. Therefore your boobs will still show but a lot smaller. And in the meantime maybe talk to a counceller or therpist because the more you rhink about these things the more they will bother you.

---------- Post added 16th Nov 2012 at 09:29 AM ----------

Oh and google underworks and t-kingdom. Think there best places to buy. Underworks may be a little more uncomfortable though but very effective.

 

Transgender doesn't have to mean you want to be the other gender. You could want to be somewhere in between. For example, I knew one person (born male) who identified as transgender, who wanted to be castrated but still have a penis.

 

Yeah i suppose that's true. Suppose everyone different really, it just personally i couldn't imagine going through all this, coming out to everyone and trying to get T and everything and not to have a penis at the end of it all. But then you could still transition and not have bottom surgery.

---------- Post added 18th Nov 2012 at 02:23 PM ----------

Really and this guy is supposed to be your friend? He should be expressing his concern for you but not in that way, like your clearly have a lot of thought going around in your head that can be hard to deal with. Some people are prob try tell you that your not different and things of couse they are, pretty much all my family do it to me all the time. But a more gentle conversatiuon probs would have been more appropiate.
Haven't really got any input on how you should handle the situation, guess you are just gonna have to talk to him, or not respond?

 

I'm glad to hear that your psychology friend is helping you out! It's good that you have somebody that can help you out!

I'm sorry that your one friend reacted in the was that they did. It's their choice to accept you or to nor accept you, so don't blame yourself.

Binders are pretty difficult to take off and put on until you get used to them. After some time though, it becomes much easier.