Conflicting Views and Confusion about Sexuality

Okay, now I just want you to think about everything you'd said and imagine how we feel. Done? Okay, then.
























Now, to address your feelings, I'd say that you should just pick "queer" as an identifier right now. You don't have to commit to anything, and it gets the message across that you're not straight. It is entirely valid to be bisexual with a preference for one sex over another. I'm on the gayer side of bisexual. Others here are on the straighter side. Shit happens. But we're got one thing in common: we're all queer.

I think that what you need to do is work on internalized shame. There are a lot of harmful messages out there about bisexual folks. You've repeated most of them just because you've heard them. They are causing you anxiety, and you're projecting that outward.

 

I recommend sticking with this one. I love the idea of being Bi, I don't see it as "gross" or "decadent" or any of the other insanely derogatory terms you repeated. I think that, without the stigma and stupidity we have to deal with from both the gay and straight community, that being Bi is like winning the orientation lottery. We get to be attracted to and experience both masculinity and femininity in all their myriad forms; we get to gain a deeper understanding of both sides of the human race than most people can. It is exciting. As for us being promiscuous or disgusting, just put that out of your head. That is just shame talking, as Pret Allez said, and it does nobody any good if you listen to it, especially not you.

I am a big fan of monogamy as well, sure I want to experiment a bit now that I am out, but ultimately I am a very monogamous guy. I am attracted to whoever I am with or have a crush on, that's it. I am not going to switch teams halfway through a relationship, it doesn't work that way.

Something a friend of mine said to me when I came out to her about an hour ago was pretty cool and I will attempt to paraphrase.

"Bisexuality is a beautiful concept to me, because you can really fall in love with the person, the real person, inside people you meet. Parts don't matter, gender doesn't matter, because physically that works for you. You fall in love with someone's soul"

How cool is that?!? Bisexuality is just as legitimate an orientation as straight or gay, but it is a glorious mixture of both! If you really believe you are Bi, don't be ashamed of it! Be proud of who you are, and someday you will meet someone who will love you for it.

I hope you can come to terms with it, because boy is it great once you do!!

-The Seeker

 

Sorry about this bit everybody. It was bad phrasing on my part. What I meant to say was that getting to experience both sets of attractions, while occasionally confusing, is not a bad thing. I seriously am not sure why I said that. Perhaps my enthusiasm for coming out is bleeding over a bit. Sorry if I offended any of you guys:icon_redf

 

I know this is your friend saying it, so don't feel like I'm talking directly to you.

I feel this a cheesy, and a bit demeaning thing to say to someone. Can't heterosexuals, homosexuals, and asexuals fall in love with the real person (and their "soul"), not just bi-sexuals?

So, if you're gay or straight, parts of the body matter a whole bunch, but if you're bi they don't, and if you're bi you truly get what "love" is?

My opinion is that parts, like penises and vaginas and abs and boobs, matter very much to bisexuals. Why? Because they are human, and humans are very horny. Parts matter to gays and straights too, because they are human as well.

I also believe that being gay, straight, or bi means nothing when it comes to falling in love and loving someone's non-physical self. To me, just because they like boys and girls, bisexual people are no better or worse at finding love and lust than anyone else.

If I misunderstood this quote, please tell me :3. But I think what your friend said seems like an almost uneducated or childish thing to say.

 

Please see the above post for clarification. He's not meaning to imply that as bisexuals were are superior or that we're "interested in the real person" and not their "junk." Of course we are physically attracted to people, and physicality matters. That's part of what we enjoy about it.

 

No, sorry, I don't think that's what she meant. I think that she was just referring to it being non-polarized. Sure it's very physical still, very. But there's no yin or yang in the attraction I guess that's what she was saying. It wasn't that other orientations couldn't love as deeply. Speaking for myself, I tend to fall in love on a case by case basis. It's a coin toss as to what gender.

I wasn't bashing either end of the kinsey scale, just trying to tell Korra that the middle isn't too bad either. My apologies if I gave any offense. Korra, this is your thread, sorry to hijack it. We aren't superior to other orientations, but we sure as hell aren't disgusting or decadent either!

Queerly Yours,

The Seeker

 

Yes, but I was more directed towards the quote he used. For what he actually said, TheSeeker said "we get to gain a deeper understanding of both sides of the human race than most people can" because he is a bisexual.

I think that learning and understanding the human race and people themselves occurs with time and experience, and it can or can not happen to anyone. TheSeeker seems to be placing bisexuals to be the enlightened people. Especially when he said "a better understanding than most people can". So, some people can't understand others deeply? Using the word "can" in that sentence sets the mood for what TheSeeker is trying to say, it seems.

Another thing he said, about bi being like winning the lottery, is also a bit offensive. Now, I saw the post he made and I understand how he was overly excited about coming out and didn't mean to say bisexuals are like lottery winners, but still. Bisexuals have "won" in life, as opposed to straight/gay people not, or getting close to, winning?

I can see what you mean , but I still get this sort of "bisexuals are enlightened" message from her quote, and a bit from your message too. Please elaborate though, because I don't feel like I'm totally understanding it and I might be a bit wrong in what you mean ...

 

Ok... here goes. I am really tired tonight and I am not firing on all cylinders. So bear with me. I was trying to illustrate some of what makes sitting on the fence so interesting. It's not that we can understand more deeply than anyone else, it's more that getting to experience both sides of sexuality can be interesting and is exciting. When I came out to my little brother (straight) he said he was actually jealous that I had it in my programming to try both. We're not more enlightened, but we do get a different perspective, the same as being straight is a different perspective as being gay. Ours is a mixture of both, but at the same time we can never understand what it is like to be fully one or the other. It is our blessing and our curse.

To get back to the concept that my friend tried to convey (and she is very smart and not at all childish at nearly 30), it wasn't a deeper connection she was talking about, it was, since our attraction is pretty random, the only common traits between our partners may be more related to who they are as people. It's not that other orientations don't use this as a primary method of mate selection, but more that when you're Bi it may be the only consistency at all. I just paraphrased badly. Still paraphrasing badly. Ah well, hopefully you get the gist of it.

But let me make it clear. I don't consider bisexuality superior and I don't have a problem with people who are straight or gay... After all, you are the ones I want to date!