Scared about referral to gender psychiatrist

Hi,

Just because some doctor sent you a letter. Diagnosing you with something doesn't mean they are right. I had a friend and our uni doctor told her she needed to get laid. Yes, that is what he said. Sometimes these professionals are just ridiculous. Suicide is never the answer. I know it is really really hard right now. And your going through a range of emotions and tough times. But do not think for one second that your family would rather lose you. Than have to deal with so called "disappointment". Coming out is hard, and I hope that everything goes smoothly for you. But remember, if you feel overwhelmed there are people that care about you (your family, friends, total strangers like me that are writing this in the hope it makes you feel 1% better. talk to the person that you feel is most understanding first. Maybe a friend you are already out to. Someone that supports you and makes you feel good. Then have that person with you if you can, and tell your mom. It is hard, but if you have some support near you. It helps a ton. And you have this site, where support is always present. (*hug*)

 

If I put myself in your shoes and think about having to bring this up with my own mom in the next week, that is a lot. It's a big bomb to drop and takes a lot of guts. Is there a time limit you're on? You might be able to begin feeling more comfortable with the idea of talking to your mom about it if you take this at your own pace.
Are you worried about being disowned or punished? What are you most afraid of?

If anything, I think a diagnosis and a recognized 'disorder' are kind of nice ammo to have. I think the hardest thing for my mom to understand would be that it's not something I'm just making up to make things harder on myself (this tends to be her default conclusion when I have an unusual problem). Being able to sit her down and say, "look, this is a real thing that many people experience, and here is more information about people who have gone through transition, and here are others who decided not to", would be great for educating her about the reality of gender dysphoria and transgender people.
I think one of the worst things for cis people is that they only know what they have seen in entertainment (Trans people as the butts of jokes, or as violent psychopaths) or heard about through gossip. The truth and reality of being trans is so much more positive. We are just our parent's children, trying to make our way in this world and be honest about who we are.

How is your relationship with your mom? What do you think would happen if you told her?

 

Hey There! I Know You Must Be Feeling So Upset Right Now, And Feeling Scared Is Natural, We All Feel Those Emotions. I Think It's Important That You Understand That Even When Times Get Really Tough, Suicide Is Not The Best Option. Speaking Through Experience, I Know That I Thought That If I Killed Myself, All Of My Problems Would Disappear And I Wouldn't Have To Go Through Anything Else, But Looking Forward To The Future Is What You Have To Do! Even Though Your Relationship With Your Mother Isn't The Best, I'm Sure She Will Understand You And Accept You, Explain To Her That This Is Just Part Of Who You Are And You're Not Changing Anytime Soon. You're Her Child, She Will Most Probably Understand, And If She Doesn't, I'm Sure That She Will Come To Given Time.

 

I don't mean to sound harsh, I just want you to think about this, and I also don't know your situation the way you do. Would disconnecting from your mom be an alternate option to killing yourself? Is she so in control of you that you can't find a way to be happy without her approval and support?
As an adult, I'm fortunate to be pretty independent. My parents don't take care of me financially and I live on my own, with the freedom to live my life in my own way. Even if you are not currently independent, is there some reason you think you never will be?
I know how much the opinions of our parents mean, especially while growing up and living in their house. But when you are an adult living on your own, sometimes it's most healthy to stop caring about their approval and live for yourself, not for them.
Suicide is "a permanent solution to a temporary problem"; time moves and changes and where you are today, you will not be in a year, or in five or ten years. You not only have the whole world to roam, but you also have all the remaining time in your life to continue changing and growing. If you choose to die, you lose everything. And there is so much beyond where and when you are right now. These bad times will pass, if you fight through them, and who knows what is waiting beyond them?
Do you have a dream or goal? Is there something you wish you could do or be?

Please keep talking, I don't know you or your situation well and it's clear this is a complex and weighty issue for you. I'd like to understand better so I can offer better support.

 

Hey Nay,

I've never struggled with gender identity issues, but my entire life has been defined by my struggle with my sexual identity that caused me to have depression for almost 10 years. I know the toll that this fear brings. I have considered suicide many times, and I even saved my first boyfriend from suicide a few years back. Its not worth it. Fear, you know, it just sucks, and trying to cope with a world that does not understand who you are and what you feel can lead you to think in ways that do not make sense. What worked for me was finding the strength and resiliency in myself to overcome the fear and truly be myself. There was a point after I came out where people disappeared and my depression hit a maximum, but we all can fight through it. You are no stronger than me, and I am no stronger than you. I am no weaker than you and you are no weaker than me. Thats something that nobody ever tells you. We are all equal to matter what, and thats the beauty of being alive. I can't tell you how to find the strength you need to pull through this rough time in your life, but the pain fades and you will find a way to be who you really want to be, keep going!