I've posted here before about not sure if I'm FtM, and later about maybe being cis...etc. I've realized recently that I feel very female when I'm at the height of my cycle--when my sex drive is highest--and very male a week or so after bleeding, when I'm not very sexual. I don't know if that validates or invalidates my gender. I'm a sub, and feminine, and I wonder if I feel "female" simply because I don't know how to express my sexuality without conforming to gender ideals. I want people to be attracted to me, and when ovulating I suppose instinctively want a mate, and so I present myself in the most attractive way I know how. I feel wrong in my guy clothes...but then after that peak, I feel wrong in girl clothes, and can get pretty dysphoric. I don't know how to express myself in guy clothes without looking very casual as opposed to sexy. I was looking in the mirror topless today shuddering at my soft pale body and dreaming about T and breast removal. I have a wide female pelvic structure that stands out if I wear any guy-clothes that are close-fitting, and the bone can't change no matter how much weight I lose. I also tend to WANT to dress more female around people outside the queer community, and I can't tell if that's because I actually feel that way or because I'm vain and want them to be attracted to me. I don't know if I feel more male around my queer friends because I feel comfortable expressing myself or because I want to fit in. Anybody have anything similar? Or have an idea as to how to interpret it? Ugh. I wish I was born a boy, so that I could be feminine and cute without coming across as "female".
Hi there! Trying to read in between the lines, it seems that a couple of things could be going on that make themselves known. On the one hand you want to make sure that you come over as attractive as possible. At the same time, it seems like a part of you doesn't want to necessarily conform to a particular gender (though I might be reading a bit too much into it.) Wondering though, have you had feelings or thoughts about wanting or being transgender before?
For me, it's not exactly a monthly thing, but there are definitely timeframes where I feel more like a guy, and times I feel more like a girl. And, I'm MAAB, so I don't have the hormone cycle you have. Usually strong feelings one way or the other only last a few days, and most of the time is spent feeling somewhat neutral.
You mentioned your concern with only trying to fit into gender norms. Could you elaborate on what that means for you, and your thoughts about some things you could do to challenge it? Are there some things you could try to see how they make you feel?
Interesting thoughts! I feel differences in my gender identity from day to day, as well. I never really thought of them impacted by my cycle, but now that you said this.. I think that I will notate and see if there is a correlation! I am, well, at the point before "it" starts now. I tend to get breast swelling and pain at this time, and I feel pretty damned feminine as a result. I am very interested to see what the consensus is on others who are bio female but genderfluid. ---------- Post added 30th Nov 2012 at 09:09 PM ---------- And wow; that statement could have been one that I myself typed. Actually, your whole post could have. Sorry; I am just a bit shocked to find that I am not alone in my feelings. I hang out with several genderqueer people sometimes. It really seems to bring out the guy in me, for some reason. I am not 100% sure why; it is not something that I am trying-too-hard; it is just natural. It also comes out more when I am drunk. Around straight company, I generally have no set prediction to how I will gender-feel, though. Usually male; most of the time, I feel male.
I've tried a lot of things. I have girl clothes and make-up, and guy clothes/binder/packer. I even dressed fully as a guy in the Pride Parade this summer. I still don't know how I feel. I don't know how to portray myself outside gender norms. Yeah, I would like to know about if FtM guys felt a shift that way at all before transitioning. Not to the same extent, but some femalization. Interesting...I never thought about my behavior under the influence of anything, although I've always said that the best time to get someone to tell you the truth is when they're drunk. I realize that I do tend to be more the guy when drinking. And that I need to stop hooking up with my lady-friends.
Well I am a ftm and I feel no monthly fluctuations. If anything, I barely had a period at all, for being so athletic and all. But everybody's different right?
Well, I'm agender as far as my own identity and preferred social gender role, and that doesn't change, but I am sexually female. I'm bisexual, but if I get physically intimate with a partner of any gender, I feel more female. I have no idea whether this is relevant to your situation, but thought I'd offer myself as a datapoint or something.
Anyone who's interested in this topic should read "The Psychology Of Gender" second edition. I just came across a whole chapter on the role of hormones and gender. They say that studies have shown a connection between womens' estrogen levels and their cognitive abilities.. it is way too in-depth to explain though.
I have times throughout the month when my sexual attraction shifts from liking butch girls to femme girls to even the occasional guy!! Its very confusing! My dress style also changes throughout the month to some degree. When my testosterone is high, about a week after my period, I am usually quite masculine and confident. When the estrogen is high though, my dress style softens quite a bit and I wear clothes that the macho me would never wear! Its all very confusing! Some days I want my breasts removed, while on other days I wouldnt dream about it! I dont get it!
I know! I don't know how to get anyone to take me seriously when my presentation varies so much! I did notice that taking birth control pills stabilized me fairly genderqueer--but they also cut my libido in half, and I'm not okay with that.
Bree: Now that you mention that, I kinda notice that my libido is stronger when I'm feeling more masculine. And, I tend to have more acne when I'm feeling more feminine. So, hormones definitely have something to do with it.
Oh wow, so I'm not alone. I never thought of it interacting with my period that lasts two day tops. but it's true. I feel like a cross dresser when I wear women clothing. im currently having jean shopping problems. I have a very masculine approach. im not butch though. I had a point where I feel transgendered. not totally female or male. it's like I go between the two. sexually wise im more masculine. however when I dress up, you'd never tell and I look confident. I just feel like its wrong or not me. I summed it up for being genderfluid. changed my name (nickname) I have a lot of people call me Zih or by my bio name, it's pretty gender non specific unless you know the royal history and international meaning of it. it's "domenia" I hate it but I love it. more for me to speak with my shrink tomorrow.
I hadn't either (oops, I'm still stuck on EC. Essay essay essay), probably partly because I don't track my periods--which last a week, you're so lucky--and so it took a conscious attempt to understand my fluctuations to figure it out. I could probably define myself as gender-fluid, and I know that I'm partly reluctant to because I'm scared of not being able to offer a consistent presentation to a partner. I do seem to go from near-female to near-male. I'm rather feminine, however, and I don't know how much that affects my interpretation of myself.
I lean more towards guys side, but I really feel like I am just floating through genders. I also prefer male pronouns. it's like im not a 100% girl. I think if you just talk with your partner it will be cool. it's 2012 not defining to one complete gender, is what's up. I tried to sound cool. really, just be who you are and I believe everything will work it's self out. the inside matters more although it can be hard not getting the outside all together. you're a great person I can tell, and your partner is gonna be super awesome as well.
I feel like this thread was made just for me lol! You guys are mirroring exactly what I'm feeling! Its amazing!! Its so good to know that there are people like me out there!
