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Possible Gender Confusion, or Common Experience?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Jameson, Dec 12, 2012.

  1. Jameson

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    Hi! So, I'm gay, and I'm a male. When I was younger I always played with barbies and such. A few times, like five or six times, I dressed up as Carol Burnett because my grandmother found it funny. However, I never showed interest in girls' clothing or make-up other than that. For Carol Burnett, all I did was put on some blouse, a wig, and high heels. I never went near my mother's makeup or clothes.

    I also had a female imaginary friend, Deppy. (She was killed in a grisly auto accident, and the barbie form of Deppy drowned in the bathtub drain.)

    Now, I usually create females in my sims 3 and put in some time in making them look pretty. I create guys too sometimes. When I paint, I usually paint figures in 18th century female fashions. For example, my figures, usually animal like, have pannier skirts, exquisite hats with feathers and flowers, fans, corsets, and such. Sometimes it's Victorian fashion as well.

    I have an intense love for Enlightenment/Late 1700s female fashion, like the kind Marie Antoinette wore. If I were a woman, I would imagine myself strolling in Versailles before the revolution began and my head would be gone. Today's fashion doesn't really peak my interest.

    So, I became actually worried when I was using a caladium fan to fan myself when one of my friends said "You are not sophisticated, you are a woman!". Now I have been fretting since then. I talked to my mother and she said it is alright, and that most people have an inner man/woman inside of them and everyone goes through a gender discovery. I went through mine when I was little, I guess.

    She also mentioned I may be wanting myself to be more feminine to attract more men, and that simply being a woman is not my true want.

    Now I'm thinking things like I want to be a woman, or I would be happy as such, when I'm not sure those thoughts are true or sincere. I'm much more comfortable thinking I wanna be a man, and I'm happy right now.

    I love my penis, and when I think of a vagina being there I kinda cringe and prefer a penis like I was born with. Is it denial? Should I experiment wearing panniers, hoop skirts? Carrying around a fan and parasol? I'm unsure if I would be happy/comfortable dressing like that.

    Maybe I would be trying to impress guys by dressing like that?

    Either way, this worrying started only a few days ago, and now I've been like I AM A WOMAN INSIDE, I ONLY PAINT WOMEN AND CREATE THEM ON SIMS. I feel like I have to be happy being a wig-wearing, cross-dresser. Almost like I'm forced.

    I honestly am worried about being a "true woman" or something, because it's such a new and foreign concept. I'm going to try to be open-minded and not deny anything.

    Do you guys think I'm gender confused, or am I worrying way too much and this is simply a reaction to self-discovery/being gay and trying to get a guy?

    Thanks a bunch!
     
  2. Jameson

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    Bump. Sorry :/ I really would like some feedback or advice.
     
  3. Ticklish Fish

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    ah.. you just bumped like about 60 minutes after posting.. some threads take a day or two to have someone stumbled upon them...

    as for your situation... personally, being gay and a woman have a common factor: to be with a man

    from what you wrote, you seemed like you might enjoy having a penis but occasionally crossdress/drag or something lol.

    TAKE YOUR TIME to think about this. Hormones can be crazy. Perhaps explore male fashion a bit? But really, calm down and give yourself time to approach this strange feeling ideas
     
  4. Jameson

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    Firstly, I bumped around twenty hours after I posted. Secondly, the only time I ever, ever dressed up was when I was little, and that was more of an entertainment thing. I'm not trying to be all like "No, you're wrong!", but I don't occasionally cross-dress/go into drag at all...
     
  5. BudderMC

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    I have very little knowledge regarding gender confusion so I'll leave that to someone else, but I wanted to chime in on the "only creating female characters" bit.

    I play lots of video games. I almost always gravitate towards creating female avatars. Though I'm not obsessed with fashion or anything, I always find female fashion much more exciting. Given the society we live in, females are much more "expressive" or "customizable" in a sense.

    Despite my seemingly-overwhelming preference for females, I have no desire to be one. Like you, I'm happy with my genitals. If anything, I have a desire to lose some more weight/bulk up more so I can look like a different type of guy, but I very much would like to be a guy.
     
  6. Deaf Not Blind

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    hmmm...no...some women are lesbians, remmy? I know for a FACT some MTFs here are lesbians...born male bodied, are female inside and transitioning, and love women. Not men.

    So...
    no.
     
  7. Ticklish Fish

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    to be fair, in a heterosexual male-gamer-targeted society, female characters tend to, and have a trend of, looking more sexy than male characters...

    how often do you see a stripperific or porn-costume male character in a video game? :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    ah.. sorry about the bump thing. i can't do math with time... :/

    back on topic, your post seemed to be entertaining the idea of woman's fashion?...

    and i meant (as in, I was derping), could you see yourself crossdressing/drag?
     
  8. Jameson

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    No, no, I mean when I was dressing up as I was little, I was dressing as Carol Burnett because my Grandmother loved it and everyone thought it was fun. Other than that I never bothered to go near make-up, female clothes, or anything. I mean I liked the clicky clackly noise that high heels made, but I didn't go out of my way and experiment with them.

    If I think of myself in a woman's clothing it just doesn't seem right at all. Me wearing short shorts and a skimpy top? No, bleh, doesn't fly. Wearing girly jeans/tights with a flowy top-thing? Nope. WEARING UGGS?

    I mean the only female fashion that interests me is Enlightenment/Victorian fashion, and the only male fashions that interest me are from the same period.
     
  9. Deaf Not Blind

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    Hey!

    I am sadly pretty sure I am a transguy. I do want a penis, have since a kid, and not just about sex although it def is a big part of it. I do know some peeps on here are telling us they are men inside a woman's body, but do NOT want a penis! Although it kinda is beyond me, my mind says yup gotta have one, I do know for a fact of trans-porn with very male looking FTMs who show off they have yeah...their original parts down there!

    So...now I will try to imagine the opposite here.

    Flip all this in reverse. Many MTFs tell me they think their organ is horrid, I would take it! :grin: They want one day to be female everywhere, their ideal body is not necessarily the same, some want boobs, some only small ones, some huge. Some are tomboys and kinda are okay not being super feminine looking.
    But I would bet...please do add if anybody out here in EC land is one of these ladies...that some feel female inside, and love their penis! ( I still can't imagine why anybody want anything else, but that just me) So that would mean transgender umbrella would cover somebody who wanted boobs and no facial hair but keep the deelie. Right?

    Now, there are a LOT of categories they have swung stuff under that umbrella term, including tomboys and butch dykes sometimes. I think that is very much too far! Cross dressers, fetishists, they are tossed at the entry too.

    I think some gay men just love their feminine side. Some don't. I think our culture in America labels things as masculine and feminine that maybe if we look closer are not. Why is tea for girls and sissies and beer for men and dykes? If you like both, then what we label huh?

    So my irrelevant opinion as a transguy is: don't worry about it, just be yourself, be a nice person, try not to be afraid of all the changes in your mind and actions. Just be a good caring person.

    And honestly, is it fair girls can wear mens clothing and they say you just a tomboy, and men wearing dresses they say are perverts? I am so pissed about it, I almost would be willing to go in drag with you just to say see I will wear a dress. It don't mean we aint men! but honestly culture says nope, so I have no want to wear one again, I hate looking like a man in drag. You may not be trans, you could just be having a weird day. :slight_smile:

    That help?
     
  10. BudderMC

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    Touché. Though I'm know I'm not picking those characters because they're more attractive, they just usually seem to have cooler personalities or weapons or skillsets or stuff. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  11. Jameson

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    Yes, thank you so much! I never thought about gender before, and I always have been comfortable wearing guys clothing and having a penis. I love women's clothing too, only if it comes from the years 1700 - 1899. I would wear any piece of male clothing from that time period, but I'm not sure if I would wear feminine articles from the period. I would never see myself as ChiChi LaRue or other drag-queens, it just doesn't seem to fit with me at all. I guess I may be having a weird week.

    Either way you helped a lot and offered plenty of descriptions of what I'm feeling. Thanks!
     
    #11 Jameson, Dec 13, 2012
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2012
  12. Deaf Not Blind

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    Yea! I am happy to have helped! :icon_bigg

    If you have any questions any time on gender issues, ask. I am willing to give it a shot, but so are others who are MTFs I promise.

    I can't blame you for liking nice clothing. I...ahem...studied fashion merchandising a long time ago. So I do, um, know all about history of fashion.

    The reason men no longer have curled wigs, high heels, lace sleeves, and big neck ruffs...not to mention a lot of extras stuffs in the clothing themselves...is because of the Civil War period and the depressions. yep, before the Great Depression, in the 1800s we had a series of minor depressions. You should read history of the US from its start until 1900s to get a good feel for this. Anyways, you may notice in women's clothing especially how it is huge and full of material before a war and depression, and during become much plainer and straighter using less fabric? This was also true for WWII, so you may want to check your family photo album or talk to great grandparents. The purpose for this is to use all spare material for the war effort. Of course all men and women are patriotic and comply not complain. But in past after that the fashion always goes big, really big to celebrate the end of the war. Well during Civil War men dressed like Abe Lincoln. After it, women went back to big flouncy skirts and bonnets, but men...hmmm...you know it is much easier to pull the plow without the nuisance of long cuffs with lace to get dirty and rollup. Hmmm...I really hated getting the pleats perfect for the ruff and it itched anyways. The men decided they didn't want to go back to the details, it didn't work well with farm life or hard labor and not really fun to get it dipped in the ink well if a lawyer either! It all fell out of favor with men.

    Today we see them in dirty tshirts with ketchup stains. :confused:

    Some (likely gay) designers have been trying to add a hint of interesting details back into mens fashion. I think at the rate of acceptance, it should be about 200 years before you see the fluff comes back. :wink:
     
  13. Polter91

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    I am addicted to Sims 3 and I have too recently questioned some gender confusion because I also only create female characters. I just love being the female lead in the game and they have such better clothes and hair styles than the guy's do and I love the dresses that they use. Plus, I can get knocked up as many times as I want to, lol. I played with Barbies when I was young and like most boys who had toy trucks I had a baby doll. And I completely understand where you are coming from, like I don't want to have female parts, I enjoy being male, and I like my male parts, lol. I think I just like being the female because I am gay and I like guys so I am going to gravitate more towards the feminine side of things, even if that means being a girl character, or like for example at work, I only talk to the female cashier's. There is like one guy there who even talks to me because I am just too shy to talk to the other guys. And I completely understand how far worrying about something can go, but if I was you, I would try not to think too much about it because we both know that doesn't help. If you are happy with being a boy, I would leave it at that, we can be boys, and have our "Inner Woman", :slight_smile:.

    ---------- Post added 13th Dec 2012 at 11:11 PM ----------

    .

    I agree 100%!
     
  14. Deaf Not Blind

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    too bad u r too shy to make friends with the other men, cuz they can be good allies to ya know.
    i saw in past gay men always hanging with women, but it made me a bit sad, cuz i really didn't have ANY friends...most women thought i was a weird woman...too boyish. I woulda loved any sexuality of male buddy at work any. And I'm not shy. So maybe try to be friendly just a bit to everybody equally...do to others as you have them do to you. they may think you are stuck up and hate them.
     
  15. Polter91

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    Yes, they probably do think I do not like them or that I am stuck up but then again I feel the same way about them when they do not talk to me. I have never been able to socialize or interact with guys easily. With girls, it just comes natural for me. Though it may be a learned behavior. Like in Kindergarten, the guys were always mean to me so instead of socializing with them, I socialized with this one girl and her and I were friends for a long time, and so in each grade, I would stay friends with her, and then a girl was added to the group, until it was me and a bunch of girls. Then middle school came about, and she wasn't too good of a friend to me so I dropped her and just didn't really hang out with anyone and it's always been easier for me to socialize with the girls. Guys always want to talk about other girls or sports or whatever, and even though I know they aren't all like that, a lot of them are, and I could not care less about talking about either one of those things, lol. So I just stick to being quiet.
     
  16. Jameson

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    Thanks everyone! Polter, it's relieving to me that you're going through the same thing as I am.
     
  17. DhammaGamer

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    Sounds like you just kind have a fetish for Victorian style. Why not just have fun with it and stop worrying about everything else. If you aren't a woman, then don't fret over the "what-if"s. If you get later into puberty and discover that you are uncomfortable with the effects of testosterone then speak with a therapist and physician and go from there. Do not rush something especially if you are unsure in any way. Transition is permanent and can even be life-threatening.
     
  18. Jameson

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    Ha! Thanks, DhammaGamer, that's a pretty nice piece of advice!
     
  19. Deaf Not Blind

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    I see. It could be you just are in a school with a bunch of dickwads, or you could be stereotyping all "straight" men as womanizing jocks. I am pretty easy going myself, in Kindergarten I had both genders of friends, but I played mostly with 2 boys, one was my only ever bf. yup, i peaked at age 5, never had a bf again! :grin: so if it is just a learned behavior, i still think you would benefit having a variety of buddies, all sexualities and genders you can get. Make you smarter, learn more about how we all tick. and since 50% of the world is male, you will be living around, and working with, lots of men in your lifetime.

    my family was not a football or basketball family at all. we did watch wrestling, it was local, and thats it for sports on tv! grampa never talked sports, i don't recall it being discussed growing up with uncles or my 2 male cousins either, but ones gay. sure it may leave you out to have a group of men talking abt girls, but if you just were with 1 or 2 guys, or a group of friends that had females and males going to movies or eating out or hiking a trail together, not as much right?

    i just say it cuz i got a variety of friends, so much diversity i can't believe it. i can find something in anyone to connect to, and i find it helps me not be as easily a bigot when i care abt someone in that group. you never know...in 30 years you could have a best friend who is straight and male and can't imagine the loss of never knowing him. :slight_smile: