Alright, I'm transgender. I did the coming out thing and the transitioning thing a couple of years ago. Now, I'm living stealth, and the only people who know anything are my family and my best friend (who I've kept in contact with). For a long time after coming out, my mother in particular couldn't accept me as a guy. She used the wrong pronouns for a long time, and even after she started using the right ones, she then started mis-gendering my cat. After that finally ended, she continued mis-gendering transwomen, and sometimes still does to this day. Basically, thats to tell you that she's had a hard time accepting this. She now claims that she is completely accepting of me. I don't believe her. She doesn't see me as a guy, she sees me as a transguy, and that isn't right. I don't consider my gender to be transgender, I consider myself to be male. That is why I haven't put it on my profile; it just doesn't seem to fit. (I should note that I have a 100% pass rate. Her difficulties are not related to me looking not-male). I don't know how to deal with her. She is a constant reminder of my past, which was extremely painful and something I'd really just like to forget. She doesn't seem to be capable of understanding that being trans is just my past, and I don't need to be treated like I'm something apart from the rest of the world. She treats me like a freak, but reminds me that being a freak is fine. I don't want tolerance, I want her to forget. Thanks for reading. I know my problems aren't exactly as pressing as someone who's being abused for being LGBT.
This is the number one reason so many post-transition folks lose touch with their former friends and family. The fact is that there is a very good chance that she will never view you the way you view yourself, and it is just the way things are. As an accepting and loving son, you should maybe respect the fact that she does love you and want you to be happy. If she calls you the right name and uses the right pronouns that's really all that matters. I've never had a very close relationship with my mother and certainly don't expect my transition to bring us any closer. I would be happy just to hear her say my name, she hasn't yet even in therapy sessions. You want your mother to be accepting and to respect your views, then perhaps you should do the same. You can't escape from your past, no matter how much you wish you could.
This is very likely. I know she loves me. But it doesn't feel like enough. Also, I don't see why I can't escape from my past. If I didn't have my mother to deal with, it would be no problem. I would be happier, and most likely safer too. My past doesn't define me, my present does. I'm sorry about your mother. I know how bad that sucks
Hahahahaha! YESSS! You ARE like me! I knew you was playin' something, something was not right in Fun n Games. I WIINNNN!!!! But okay now I am happy, but you are not. That sucks. I hate that word FREAK lets not use it. Why does she make you feel that way? Can you tell me? I have not come out to mom, and I am thinking about it...I fly home from university on Sunday to being called a daughter. I have come out a LOT here, I am fighting for my rights to not be labeled by my birth name on blackboard and have got 2 men, one is transgender btw, helping me...the other is a student therapist and so they are telling them it is both unnecessary and cruel to cause me to suffer being misgendered FOREVER by all the Deaf community because not of my appearance but them not accepting a nickname that passes...and is my birth name -2 letters. No kidding. Note, I have myself down as male too, and I have not transitioned. If you are done or in it, I am sure you have all the rights to be called a man, not transman. I hate coming out as trans, and others confusing others by telling them i am, i prefer to come out as a guy. Anyways, the transman I know he looks 100% male. what he told me may help you. He said he went to a bar with his dad, and dad introduced him as his DAUGHTER! He had a full beard! :O All the men looked! What?? He used to be very angry when that sorta stuff happened, but...he told his dad what he had said, and he said he didn't know he had said that or how it looked...and had always since they were born been a proud dad of 3 little girls. He was so used to telling everybody I am a father of 3 wonderful women, my daughters. He had not had any sons. A "son?" It took him a long time, but this man has told me indeed, NOW dad is saying he is a proud father of 2 daughters and one son. He told me to expect that, but realize sometimes it is just ingrained in the minds. It is better he said to not give your original birth name to anybody. ever. One transguy told him his past name and now can't see him as purely a guy anymore, and he hates it.
And I knew you knew. But I don't see how that constitutes winning. Yeah, I hate it too. She makes me feel that way because she continuously tries to separate me from either men or women. She won't accept me as male, and I'm obviously not female. And because she's part of normal society, and they consider people like me freaks. Unfortunately. I learnt about the name thing several years ago. Changed my name when I was sixteen. I'm sorry about your problems. They suck. Why are they so resistant to using your nickname? And how are you planning to come out to her? Its a difficult thing.
Ohh boy. I know I'll gain myself enemies with this, but here we go. This is a common mistake I see trans* people commits too often. I understand what it feels your inner self to be different than your outter self (I'm trans too, after all). But what trans* people tend to not want to understand is that (be all the disgrace it may be) we were born with the wrong body. Trying to forget that is a mistake, because you can't erease what already happened. I understand, we want to be treated like a normal being, but (sadly) we are not. We were born the wrong way, and we need to go a special process just to pass like who we really are. Forgetting that will not bring happiness, just more trouble. Remember, those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it again, and again (and all the times needed). You say that you don't see why you can't scape from your past, but this is why. You can actually do it, but you must not do it; you must never forget your body will never be the one it should been (believe me, this hurt me so much, more than you can imagine). You say you past doesn't define you, but I say your deluding yourself. We are all defined by our past, but is up to us to determine wheter we let the good part of our pasts to define us, or the bad parts. Negating your past (wich is what made the you from today) is a common mistake every person forgets, and after regrets. Don't take me wrong, I dont't mean to insult you, or to overpass the suffering you've been through. But please understand, you must ever forget your past. This doesn't mean you have to suffer it again on your memories, this means you have to keep your past on your mind, so you can become a better person today. On a sidenote, you need to understand that you mother gave birth to a girl, and rised a girl, who in turn express is actually a boy. That's not easy to understand. It's been so little time, 2 years is not enough to comprehend this kind of thing. Give her time. She is already done a lot by accepting you, give her time to understand. Remember she doesn't feel the same as you, she can't possibly put in your shoes. Just to finish, Never Forget: If you forget your past, you will repeat it. And I bet you don't want to repeat that suffering.
