Trans dating site BS

omg that's horrible! What a douche!

Do you have any LGBT groups in your area? It could be a good way of meeting more trans*folk without that whole internet complication. I mean you'll know straight off if someone is as much of a prick as he is if you meet face to face.

 

That's awful.
Don't let those people get you down though. I'm sure you'll find someone who will love you for who you are. How do you feel about other trans people? If you seek one out, I'm sure they'll see you as the beautiful woman you are.

 

Coming from someone who does this as part of their professional life, this man is a world-class emotional manipulator. How do I know this? He does what I do when I sell someone on something, or need to convince them to take a deal. I feel 'em up early on, strike at their insecurities when the opportunity presents, and rake in the reward when they accept the deal. It's a skill vital in business, and it's also a deadly tactic of emotional abuse. It's crazy effective in getting people to go your way. And his way was getting you to feel like shit.

Relationships tend to put us in a position where, early on, we reveal the locations of all our "fortifications" to each other. It's not dissimilar to a military campaign. He got all your weak points early on. And when you irritated him after he didn't get what he wanted, he dropped nukes on every last one of your defenses. He pushed every last one of your buttons; your transition, your loneliness, etc.

Because I know these types of people, I can offer an insight that will make you feel better just as rapidly as you were brought down. He doesn't mean a thing he said. He picked words and sentences out of a bag, fashioned a heavy club with them, and hit you right in the head. Nothing he said is genuine, he just said it to nuke your emotional state. And it's your job to realize this so that it does not bother you.

Don't date self-identified "straight" guys. Seriously. There is a problem in this country where, outside the queer and queer-allied communities, there's this fixed notion that who you date is a barometer for life success, and anything less than "being a gross fuck who lays hundreds of thin girls based on how well you play mind games" is a direct attack on a man's masculinity. I can generally date anyone regardless of gender but I've long since given up on the mainstream "straight community" because it's like they and I are watching two different channels. They'll never get what I think; I'm expected to be this gross bear of a man who assaults women in the process of courtship and they're expected to play coy and cryptic mind games with me while I sit there and figure out what the fuck they're talking about. I've had none of this shit dating queers, men and women alike. Taking care of myself, watching my weight, and all this other stuff is apparently too "gay" for straight women nowadays. Oh, and god forbid if I act the least bit feminine. I've given up on 'em. They're too fixed on being caricatures of gender roles. Give up on them all too. We got the better idea.

 

Yea, maybe see if any of the guys at the LGBT things you go to are Bi, I tend to go to a lot of LGBTQ events myself and would not mind dating a girl like you in the slightest little bit....This is kind of off topic but, in regards to what Zontar said about straight women expecting guys to be some uber bearish thug with no feelings, I can relate to that a lot, I'm sure there are straight women who aren't though so I wouldn't completely write them off =P...I personally have a thing for girls that are really tomboyish or goth or punk like tattoo pierceing types...anything outside of normal society =P

 

Hey Dhamma, I've had a pretty similar situation with sites like that, and I think I have up until now resisted the urge to bring it up on here. I didn't really see the value of discussing it, but after hearing other experiences with "trans chasers" I think its important to really share the type or experience I had, so that other trans people can be aware of what can happen on these sorts of sites. The events in this story are one of my greatest regrets, and I still feel like a shitty person when I think about going along with this.

So this straight identifying larger black man messaged me on this site and told me how sexy of a woman I made, etc. His grammar was atrocious and his messages read like he thought he was a gangster rapper. I knew from the very beginning I should not have ever replied, but I had just been dumped recently, and I missed the contact of a man. Plus this guy was talking to me like I was a real woman, and I hadn't even started hormones yet. I'm not trying to make excuses, just stating my reasoning.

So eventually I gave him my number, and he started texting me wanting to "hook-up" like that night. I kept telling him that I was busy, not home, maybe later. He started accusing me of leading him on and being a tease. I should have stopped talking back then, but I didn't.

Eventually when I got home he told me he would get a ride to the adult store down the street from my apartment if I wanted to just come out for a bit and meet him. Against my better judgment I agree stating that "I am not interested in doing anything sexual or anything like that. I'm only meeting to talk and get to know you for a little bit then coming back and going to bed."

I don't know how to explain him, except for to say that when I met him he immediately made me uncomfortable. Even thought he had told me before he was 100% straight, all of a sudden he was saying, "No one knows I'm into men." and stuff like that. It didn't take him long for him to ask if we could get in my car. I must have told him no, I didn't want to at least 10 times before he eventually wore me down. Even though I told him I wasn't doing anything sexual before I met him, he told me "Oh c'mon, do you really know how hard it was for me to get a ride here? Are you really gonna blue ball me like that?" I will admit, I was very scared. I didn't know what I had gotten myself into. I was outside of an adult store with a large black man who was quite frankly scaring the hell out of me. I wish I could say it was just fear that forced me to allow him to get in my car, but I know that for a moment I was so lonely and thought about kissing a man. I just wanted to feel a man's lips again, and so I conceded. I guess this split second of "wanting it" even as brief as it was, is what makes me feel like such scum for getting myself into this mess.

As you can probably expect, once he was in my car it quickly turned into him pulling down his pants and expecting me to suck him off, right there in the parking lot. I felt too committed and scared at this point to say no, even though I by no means wanted to do it. I asked him to keep a look out, but I kept hearing footstep by the car, and car doors opening and closing right next to us in the parking lot. He kept just saying "I didn't see them" and then eventually "C'mon, you think these sleezy old men care. Do you know what goes on in the back of that place? They are just getting off too." Suddenly I was even more scared because I knew this guy must come here and do this stuff all the time. I felt so stupid.

This is when things started getting really scary. He started talking about coming back to my apartment, and how there would be "many more nights to come." He told me "Don't you dare cut your hair. That I NEEDED to grow it out for him. By far the most traumatizing thing that happened was when he fingered me out of no where and then took a big whiff of his finger and shouted "OH YEAH, IT SEEMS LIKE FUCKING MAN ASS!" I don't even know how to explain how freaked out I was at that point.

Eventually after enough people walked right by my car I apologized repeatedly and told him I just couldn't do it. I wasn't comfortable doing it in that parking lot with people walking around, I was tired, I wasn't ready after to my relationship, I don't know how many excuses I used, but they weren't good enough for him. He just kept trying to guilt trip me.

I got in my car and sped down the road. I parked in a parking lot and tried to catch my breath. I had to find my glasses, which had gotten lost in the mess. Once I found them and got back on my way, I saw the car that had dropped him off following me. I sped madly around corners trying to lose them so he wouldn't find out where I live.

I thought I had lost him when I got out of my car and rushed into my apartment, but the worst part was about to happen. My neighbors were outside smoking and in my rush I had failed to zip up my pants or anything, and my genitals were exposed without my knowledge. As I realized this the car drove past, he had followed me and found out where I lived.

I guess the story kind of fizzles out after that. He kept texting me and I told him I wasn't interested, and he just said "He'd be waiting." But thank (diety) I never heard from him again.

Well I'm sorry if this story was tl;dr or tmi, but I think I needed to get it out. I hope this story will function as a warning to other people who make accounts on such sites.

 

OMG! You poor ladies!

I am afraid they do it to straight deaf girls too.

One stupid friend of mine, she thinks when a perv online asks her to show her tits, she should. And he asked who was in the room with her, she said me...I was still dressed female...he asked for me to do it! She actually tried to encourage me to pull down my top! I just got out of camera view and signed how you stupid and no way.
Then he said he knew I wanted to see his dick, and I covered my eyes, and she said he not only showed it he was jacking off. He asked if I liked it. I told her to tell him mine is bigger. (yep not out, not even questioning yet, but I still wanted to make the pussy-boy know he got nothing)

later he found out my name online and friend requested me, and by accident as i thought it was somebody else i accepted on FB. sure enough he tried to get me to to video chat. I was then on EC, and so he was maybe 3rd person I told...I am a guy, and dude...you soooo gay!

after about 3 days of pleading for me...and lies....and me not giving in one inch...him saying he had dated somebody just like me and all i need is a man to fuck me and i will be fine. I told him firmly i am a guy and he must be homosexual if he wants to do me...and i am not interested, esp since he is ugly. so he figured out he was wasting his time, and did like OP said...started telling me i am stupid (I get straight As in university he can't go to college) and that no man will ever want me (I have not only had straight guys want me when dressed female i have had a gay man who is cute i know hit on me after a guy outed me as a guy, so no issues thanks) and that he could get a million women easy. I responded LOL that he is desperate, has not had any dates for real in years, I will tell all deaf community and not one will ever want his sorry ass again, moreover that he is tiny I am sure I am much bigger so likely he can't keep a date cuz he can't satisfy any women so now he going after me! And then I said besides blocking each other I will tell FB that by saying certain derogatory stuff to me he has done hate speech and will be banned. To that he responded that he had that happen before and so he just opens a new one.

So lucky guy I am, not see his slick willy. I didn't get in a scrape, but I saw my desperately lonely (though she lies badly that she is fine) Deaf friend putting out in so many ways hoping to escape poverty and fear of dying alone.

You girls are not alone. I am your buddy, and I may not be transitioned, but if I ever saw a man try that on you IRL I would deck him and pound the bloody shit out of him!

---------- Post added 20th Dec 2012 at 05:55 PM ----------

dude, just cross the bi part off...you just love everybody! Your signature should be a guy with arms open wide cuz you don't discriminate because of the shape of the container.

 

Thank you. I just wanted to point out that sharing this experience has actually made me feel a lot better about it, so much so that I decided to create my own thread on here about the experience. I appreciate the concern, I guess what really bothers me about the experience is trying to determine in my own head whether what happened was rape or if I really am to blame for it.

 

I would say you made bad decisions but no means no right?
Didn't report the guy as rapist I see.
You poor thing.

I swear not all guys are like them...ok. They are not wanting a girl to love them forever and raise a family with and grow old in each others arms. They are slugs...needing a big boot to squash them.

 

I did not report him. Even though my therapist told me she thought the situation qualified as rape, I have never been so sure. I've always thought that would be insulting to the people that are actually physically forced into sex. I didn't want to report it as long as he stayed away from me. I didn't want to admit this happened to my friends/family/police. I just wanted it to go away, so as long as he left me alone, I wasn't going to do anything about it.

 

That is what I was told girls do on date rapes and such, just near word for word.
Sweetheart, I don't think your a bad girl. I think you were lonely and made mistakes hoping for just friendship and respect and the man raped you.
I am so sorry.
I don't think it would be okay to say cis-girls in such a situation were raped but cuz you had a penis attached to you it made it your fault. How is that possible? Wouldn't that be sexist? Men don't often tell cops they are raped either...I know. They think it makes them look weak or gay or stupid or girly. I think this guy hopes you never tell from embarrassment and fear.

Is there anything I can do? I guess I can't make it all better.

 

Wow... just so you know, I've read the whole bunch of comments/stories in this thread, but I chose to comment on this one.

And I'm really sorry about you girls having had those atrocious experiences. Really, they should opt to teach kids how to deal with dating sites, at school, just so that type of stuff doesn't happen.
Like making sure both parties are crystal clear about what they want, first face to face meeting in a public place in daytime where at least two of your friends know of your whereabouts and expect a phone call from you at different times, etc.

You should definitively not rate out bi guys and transgender guys. I can get why you would though, since you're a straight girl and you don't want the man to be attracted by the males part of you, but... you'd have more chances finding somebody who is open minded, respectful and understands you within the LGBT community than out!

Me, I've had great experiences with dating sites and such. The women I met where very intelligent (I wouldn't have it otherwise) and prudent; it never happened even once that a woman I was meeting for the first time didn't meet me in a very public place, didn't bring her phone (and called somebody at least once with it during the date).
The thing is, I go for women who are confident in themselves, high self-esteem too, not the desperate easy-to-guilt-into-whatever type. I figure the later type just means drama and aren't ready to date anyway. I really don't mean to offend anybody but if you're desperate you should definitively not go on dating sites; too many desperate men there who would do anything to get under your skirt

Even with my wife...
She is transsexual. We met on a gaming site with no intent to find anybody, yet we found each other and chatted for months before we met. We'd have met before but since we weren't living in the same country it was tricky. When she decided to make the move she left all her old life behind her; only brought a suitcase and... enough money to go back if she needed it. We met in a bus station, now, that's difficult to make more public.

Now with guys that's a different story. The ones I met (with clear goal of casual sex only) were ashamed to meet me and didn't tell a soul, met me at night too. They didn't ask questions. Got to wonder what type of danger they could have just walked into.

...what's funny is... I've been asked by women I met what made me so confident about not being attacked/raped myself. The answer is, I'm strong physically and I know how to defend myself (martial arts and street fighting, as well as using what's around me as a weapon if need be) but I'm aware that my abilities don't completely annihilate the risks that I take. However, I deem the risks worth taking; after all I'm an happily married man and a really proud dad now! That wouldn't have happened without me taking risks.

 

Why do people think trans people are kinky?! Hello, we are people with feelings!! Im aware that basically no one will ever view me as a guy, just a girl pretending to be a guy. And that does make it hard. When your gender identity is viewed as some weird fetish and you are treated like shit... What is wrong with the world?! Im really sorry you went through that. Some people are such morons.

 

I can assure you that some people will view you as 100% male...atleast to me if I am dating a trans guy he is my BOYFRIEND and I would never see him as anything but a guy, and the same goes for a trans girl she would be my GIRLFRIEND no different then if I was dating a Cis gendered person, I'd approach the relationship exactly the same.

 

Interestingly enough, nearly all of the trans people I know are kinky. They are like all into the BDSM community and in open relationships, and go to play parties and such. I'm totally cool with it because I think its healthy to be open about your sexual interests and fetishes, and its really given me some insight into my own sexuality, but I do think its odd that like all the trans people I know are into it.

 

Must be in the corn. :/